Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my brothers behaviour towards dd

93 replies

kokolp · 22/04/2011 11:57

Yesterday I went to see my mum and my brother is back from uni. My nephews were there as my sister was at work. My brother was playing with the boys in the back garden with a rugby ball and dd went out to play with them. She came back about 2 minutes later because they wouldn't let her play as rugby isn't a game for girls. She was quite upset at being excluded and so she stayed with me. They were only throwing/kicking it around so its not that they were tackling or being rough with each other. My nephews I can forgive as they are only young but my brother is 20 and I feel really Angry at him.

OP posts:
upahill · 22/04/2011 12:00

Why not just say something to him rather than seething?
he was probably just being either thoughtless or didn't want her to get hurt if things got rough.

princessparty · 22/04/2011 12:02

is she younger?

flamegirl77 · 22/04/2011 12:02

YANBU, I think your brother needs join the rest of us in 2011.

Original poster
kokolp · 22/04/2011 12:02

She is 7, my nephews are 10, 8 and 7

OP posts:
CareyFakes · 22/04/2011 12:04

If my brother did that, I'd tell him what I think out loud. I'd tell him to stop being a dick and let the kids play together, thankfully, my brother was the only boy in the sibling nest, the oldest of 3 girls so he has no choice but to be equality driven

Pancakeflipper · 22/04/2011 12:05

Did HE actually say it or was it your nephews? Is she much younger than them which means they might think they'd have to adapt their game and didn't want to? Maybe they wanted 'boy' time?

worraliberty · 22/04/2011 12:09

What did he say when you went out and had a word with him?

gretalse · 22/04/2011 12:10

Couldn't you have gone and made persuaded them to let her play

Original poster
kokolp · 22/04/2011 12:13

He just laughed at me and said that rugby is a boys only game. DD was upset and said she didn't want to play anymore so I didn't pursue it any further.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 22/04/2011 12:16

And he doesn't know girls play rugby at school? Did he go to an all boys school or something?

Bringonthegoat · 22/04/2011 12:17

YANBU to be annoyed but YABU not to make the point more effectively. He's being sexist and a shite uncle.

Original poster
kokolp · 22/04/2011 12:24

worra- No he went to a standard comprehensive school

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 22/04/2011 12:30

kokolp - what a sad experiance for both you and your dd.

I think I would say to him
How weird to run your life with rules set out purely on genital area of the body, I bet you will find that restrictive in the coming years.

RevoltingPeasant · 22/04/2011 12:38

How weird. My sister played rugby not very well.

Personally I think I'd use it as a chance to talk to DD about excluding people or making judgements based arbitrary things like sex/ skin colour etc, if she is 7 that might be age-appropriate.

I'd also have words with your bro....

RevoltingPeasant · 22/04/2011 12:39

... You might point out to him that although she will only feel sad at the age of 7, by about 13/ 14 she will have him pegged as 'Uncle X, he's such a dick, he totally treats me differently cos I'm a girl' and will see him as deeply uncool.

cikals · 22/04/2011 12:52

YANBU but you should have been far more forceful with your brother. Gender does not influence whether you can play a particular sport or not and you should have made a greater effort to demonstrate this.

yertile · 22/04/2011 12:54

Are you sure that they didn't just want to have some boys only time.

Niecie · 22/04/2011 12:57

YANBU. Of course girls play rugby! Is he aware they play cricket and football too or does he thing they only play netball and knit? Hmm

I would also have said something there and then as well. Hell, if he continued to complain I might well have joined in the game just to prove the point!!

werdator · 22/04/2011 13:09

YANBU They clearly wanted "male" time and he probably just made something up to get her to go away, its not a very nice thing to do though.

HampstersDontSwim · 22/04/2011 13:11

"male time" Hmm

queenlet · 22/04/2011 13:21

YABU if they didn't want to play with her then they didn't want to play with her.

Glacier · 22/04/2011 13:25

You should have said something to him at the time - by not doing so you just showed your DD that their behaviour was ok, or that you weren't prepared to challenge 'men'.

Your brother sounds like my brother - I don't let him get away with it.

Pancakeflipper · 22/04/2011 13:34

So the boys played rugby, the girl went off upset to mummy. The boys continued playing rugby.

Oh re-enforcing the stereotypes.

You should have joined them playing rugby with your daughter if you wanted to challenge it.

beesimo · 22/04/2011 13:37

I think your brother was right not to allow your DD to play, my DDs would not be allowed to play rugby with the lads as it would always have turned very nasty as the lasses would be determined to win by any means fair or foul!!

CurrySpice · 22/04/2011 13:40

I'm not sure what's sillier, his attidude or you not challenging it tbh