Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my brothers behaviour towards dd

93 replies

kokolp · 22/04/2011 11:57

Yesterday I went to see my mum and my brother is back from uni. My nephews were there as my sister was at work. My brother was playing with the boys in the back garden with a rugby ball and dd went out to play with them. She came back about 2 minutes later because they wouldn't let her play as rugby isn't a game for girls. She was quite upset at being excluded and so she stayed with me. They were only throwing/kicking it around so its not that they were tackling or being rough with each other. My nephews I can forgive as they are only young but my brother is 20 and I feel really Angry at him.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 19:15

Yes of course girls squeal and cry and are crap at sport and always ruin the fun for people doing it "properly" ie males.

Why are there quite a few people making this assumption about the girl? Just because she is a girl? Would anyone assume that a 7yo boy who had been told he couldn't play was obviously a PITA who burst into tears at the drop of a hat? Gender stereotypes being propogated quite nicely on this thread, the uncle is in good company.

grumpypants · 22/04/2011 19:24

The point about stereotypes is that a sort of pattern had to be spotted in the first place.
I didn't actually put 'crap at sport' or 'ruin the fun' etc - but feel free to speak for me. Hmm
I'm not going to backtrack on my question.

michelle2011 · 22/04/2011 19:28

hes 20 what do you expect he hasnt grown up yet, still living in his own bubble

jojowest · 22/04/2011 19:29

maybe she is one of those who doesnt play with others nicely and whinnys and whines when she doesnt get her own way

mathanxiety · 22/04/2011 19:35

Stereotypes need no pattern -- how do you explain racism or stereotypes involving 'forrin' people/ different cultures, etc?

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 19:35

grumpy if it was a boy would you have asked if he "is a pita and likely to ruin any the game by squealing/ crying/ pretending to be injured etc etc?"

Where on earth did you get that from? Sounds like a stereotype of girl to me. Why would you assume that she is like that, and that's why they turned her away? If she always ruined their game then presumably that would have been the reason given, rather than "rugby isn't for girls".

I find it interesting that from what the OP has said, some people are desperately trying to extrapolate that the girl is rubbish and the man was absolutely right to turn her away as she would have ruined it for all of them. Nothing in the OP or her subsequent posts points to that at all. Most normal 7yo girls do not "feign injury" when playing catch (they'd have to be rather disturbed surely?) and yet apparently this is the most likely explanation.

grumpypants · 22/04/2011 19:39

not in this case - because the statement 'this is for boys only' wouldn't have been used. Based on this silly reason, I am assuming there is an underlying reason for not letting this girl join the game, and am asking if there might be an underlying reason.

grumpypants · 22/04/2011 19:40

BTW I'm not desperately asking anything - I am vaguely interested and wondering if this child is a bit annoying when playing 'rough' games.

mathanxiety · 22/04/2011 19:44

Why would you dismiss the implication that the nephew is a sexist dolt and instead assume there's something wrong with the child? Why couldn't a 20 year old be an idiot and say something offensive and hurtful? Why couldn't the underlying reason be that the nephew is a sexist twat with a bee in his bonnet about wimmin?

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 19:45

Um

Op said

"She came back about 2 minutes later because they wouldn't let her play as rugby isn't a game for girls."

and when she queried it with her brother

"He just laughed at me and said that rugby is a boys only game."

On the "roughness"

"They were only throwing/kicking it around so its not that they were tackling or being rough with each other. "

So I don't understand where you are coming from.

Pancakeflipper · 22/04/2011 20:09

Blimey Sardinequeen, you still battling on with this?

I don't think anyone has said the girl is at fault, just pondered if she's been a PITA previously. That can happen with both genders.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 22/04/2011 20:15

Actually when I was about this age, my family were staying with another family for the weekend and on the Saturday the men and the boys went off on a boat trip and though I desperately wanted to, I wasn't allowed. Because I was a girl.
That was 40 yars ago and it still rankles, so do make sure your DD knows that it was the cousins and your brother at fault, that they were being rude and stupid and unkind. No adult stood up for me on that occasion and I was called naughty for making a bit of a fuss.

stream · 22/04/2011 20:16

It makes me wonder if the anti-girl posters only have boys?

'whinnys and whines' - delightful. [buhmm]

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 20:42

It's not a battle, I just don't understand why anyone would read the OP and immediately start questioning whether the little girl is basically rubbish, using the most stereotypical language possible. When the more likely answer, based on what the OP actually said, is that the brother is a sexist twonk.

It bothers me that people view little girls like this. That they are likely to fake injury when they join in a game of catch? I mean seriously WTF?

It is attitudes like this that are a big reason that girls and women miss out on a hugely enjoyable part of life ie sport and physical games. She only wanted to play catch for crying out loud and was sent away. That's just not right.

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 20:44

Bottom line is that I feel sorry for her. My immediate assumption isn't that she is a useless PITA Hmm but that she is a normal little girl who tried to join in the fun and got told to go away by an adult for no good reason.

I have two little girls and if an adult told one of them that they weren't allowed to join in the fun because they were female I would be livid.

Niecie · 22/04/2011 21:01

My rather sporty 7 yr old DS is as much more likely to feign injury and whinge about being hurt than any girl! Certainly as a child I was never as easily injured, nor complained nearly as much as he does (he is quite tough really, just likes the attention). I doubt anybody would have banned him from playing the game.

I don't have girls and I don't like the assumption of the OP's brother nor would I assume that the girl was in some way inadequate. I suppose having grown up with only boys to play with (I have a brother and where we lived there seemed only to be boys to play out with) I knew that at that age I was more than a match for any of them!!

SkinittingFluffyBunnyBonnets · 22/04/2011 21:01

You need to right this...you need to do it for your DDs self image. MAKE yur idiot rother organise anoter game and let her play and big her up just as much as he does the boys.

Dont let him affect her like that!

Momath it DOES matter why.....in this case it matters a lot.

bna · 22/04/2011 21:12

YABU your brother isn't obliged with your dd if he doesn't want to.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page