Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset with my brothers behaviour towards dd

93 replies

kokolp · 22/04/2011 11:57

Yesterday I went to see my mum and my brother is back from uni. My nephews were there as my sister was at work. My brother was playing with the boys in the back garden with a rugby ball and dd went out to play with them. She came back about 2 minutes later because they wouldn't let her play as rugby isn't a game for girls. She was quite upset at being excluded and so she stayed with me. They were only throwing/kicking it around so its not that they were tackling or being rough with each other. My nephews I can forgive as they are only young but my brother is 20 and I feel really Angry at him.

OP posts:
rainbowinthesky · 22/04/2011 14:39

"YABU they didn't want her to play, why they didn't doesn't really matter". How can it not matter that the reason they didnt want her to play it was because they said rugby isnt a game for girls?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 22/04/2011 14:42

I would have thought that in general it's unacceptably rude behaviour for a group of children to be allowed to exclude one so pointedly. When I was a kid Firm Words would be had at any kind of family gatherin, however informal, if one kid was being excluded - the others would yhave been told to play something everyone can play.

WoTmania · 22/04/2011 14:48

You're brother sounds like a tosser. YANBU

reratio · 22/04/2011 15:00

YANBU its not as if it was a Super League game, it was a simple came of catch.

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 15:12

There must have been more to it than catch. Surely no-one would exclude a child from a game of catch!

neasedal · 22/04/2011 15:35

It doesn't sound like it was a particulary nice thing to do although I think the posters calling him a big are being a bit harsh.

neasedal · 22/04/2011 15:36

pig not big Blush

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 15:55

I think an adult who excludes 1 child from a group of 4 children for a game in the garden is being a pig.

Feel free to think that harsh Grin I really don't see how it can be taken any other way.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 22/04/2011 15:56

You should tell him that the best scoreline in the Six Nations Rugby was the Womens Calcutta cup match - England v Scotland, where England beat Scotland 89-0!!

And actually the womens international rugby was far more interesting to watch than the mens, because there was far less set-piece action and kicking, and much more running and passing play - which looked far more skillful.

reratio · 22/04/2011 16:14

StayingDavidTennantsGirl- Or you could just watch rugby league the superior code of the game Wink

opolle · 22/04/2011 16:27

I think you should have started playing as well, and then see if he said girls can't play rugby.

squeakytoy · 22/04/2011 16:43

I dont think its big deal at all. They didnt want her to play with them. It happens. Not worth having a big bust up over, or seething about.

PonceyMcPonce · 22/04/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 16:49

I suppose it depends whether you think it is OK for adults to teach children that it is OK for them to single out others and exclude them on the basis of (sex, race, disability, whatever) or not. To make assumptions about whether people will be able to do stuff based on what they look like. I don't think that is a good thing to teach children.

If they were playing a competitive game and they had played with her before and she wasn't any good and they were all excellent then OK. I would not expect a team of 12 year olds playing saturday league to make way for a toddler.

That isn't what happened here. There were only 4 of them, the game was a ball game in the garden with a range of ages, the adult told her she wasn't allowed to play because of something she can't change. She might be shit-hot at "catch" for all they know. It's bollocks.

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 16:51

The ADULT said she couldn't play because she was a girl. Different from a group of children in the playground being mean. Grown-ups should teach against this sort of behaviour, not encourage it.

baildonwen · 22/04/2011 16:56

You're making a mountain out of a molehill, it sounds to me as if the boys were playing together and they didn't a girl coming in. The dds often play together and don't want ds interferring in my family so I get him to leave them to it. It isn't going to harm him nor will it harm your dd.

SardineQueen · 22/04/2011 17:01

If you were playing a game with your DDs at a family gathering and a child from another part of the family asked to join in, would you send them away?

huddspur · 22/04/2011 17:09

YADNBU I think some of the responses on here are absurd, for what reason is the OPs dd incapable of throwing or kicking a rugby ball around in the back garden. I've got a 11 yo brother and a 27 and 29 yo sister and wewouldn't exclude him from anything we do together if he wanted to do it with the exception of things he's not yet old enough to do.

RevoltingPeasant · 22/04/2011 17:29

Jaw on the floor at this will not harm your dd.

This is totally the kind of thing that kids remember. You think she's going to go and ask to play a ball game with them again any time soon? She's just been taught her place - which is inside the house, apparently..... Hmm.

ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 22/04/2011 17:37

YANBU

Pancakeflipper · 22/04/2011 17:46

Perhaps niece is a pain the bum and the nephews and Uncle didn't play with her not cos she's a girl but cos they didn't want to?

mathanxiety · 22/04/2011 17:47

Your brother is a first class eejit and if he doesn't want to hear it from you then your H should tell him.

I agree with RevoltingPeasant here -- this is something your DD will remember. The brother owes your DD a sincere apology, scripted by you and your DH to make sure no further damage is inflicted.

And the boys who witnessed the incident need talking with too -- the brother needs to make amends with them and explain that what he said was wrong and why, because this will have a negative effect on them otherwise.

peeriebear · 22/04/2011 18:01

I'd have gone out, tackled nephew to the ground (possibly accidentally scrubbing his face in the turf), removed the ball from his possession and tossed it to DD. However I used to play rugby for my old college women's team. If anyone said that to my DD, especially a relative, I'd let them know how unacceptable it was in no uncertain terms!

peeriebear · 22/04/2011 18:01

Brother not nephew sorrry!

grumpypants · 22/04/2011 18:12

Hmmmmm, I have a thought that may be unkind, but here goes - any possibility db said this because your dd is a pita and likely to ruin any the game by squealing/ crying/ pretending to be injured etc etc?

Just wondering - she comes back in to tell you, rather then laughing; db says something a bit silly, i have 3 boys and have some experience here