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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed that some lads peed in a bottle and then poured it on my DD

108 replies

shandyleer · 21/04/2011 15:18

I'm not BU,I know I'm not. And I'm also not annoyed, I'm spitting feathers, but I don't know what to do about what happened, and I'm hoping for lots of outraged comments from you lot.

Yesterday, Dd (16) went with four of her friends to a local riverside where lots of kids hang out on nice days. There was a large group of 20 or so girls and boys, similarly aged to herself (she thinks). They began picking on her because she has red hair (dyed red). She ignored them, they then started picking on the other girls and surrounded them. Dd tried to reason with them by saying that they were all there for the same reason, and why couldn't they leave each other alone and why were they picking on people when they didn't even know them. Next thing she knows, lad approached with a pop bottle and pours/chucks it over her hair - and it was urine.

Dd and friends left at this point and rang dh from local train station (after having waited for train for nearly an hour). Dh went back to riverside with them but the group had gone. I'm so upset for her, she was more upset last night than I've seen her in quite some time, and I don't blame her at all.

OP posts:
ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 22/04/2011 20:14

I hope your dd is ok op, poor girl what a truely horrible and disgusting thing to happen!

And on a similar note, a word of warning to all:

Don't go to an open air concert and stand anywhere near the middle of the crowd...

[shudders and washes self with bleach once again]

fatlazymummy · 22/04/2011 20:15

beesimo it's nothing to do with women needing males to protect them. What if this had been done to a 16 year old male? Everyone is entitled to the protection of the law, male or female.
OP, hope the police catch these little shits. More importantly I hope that they manage to prosecute and that the court takes the case seriously and gives an appropiate sentence.

CheerfulYank · 22/04/2011 20:17

And as the thugs in question were probably minors, I don't think the DH should get involved in a violent kind of way.

But I will put forth the hugely unpopular opinion that sometimes all people like that understand is force. And sometimes nasty bullies need a good arse-kicking to learn. Unfortunately.

nijinsky · 22/04/2011 20:23

I hope the police do catch them and deal with them appropriately. Its not just assault, its a particularly pre-medicated, thought out form of assault. I hesitate to use the word "normal", but normal young men do not do that. Hence the need for police involvment in everyone's interest. Don't want them graduating to more serious types of crime, thinking this is acceptable.

Beesimo how strange. Glad I don't live there. What do you do if you get a very big built woman where you live and a very small, thin man? Or a female police officer?

beesimo · 22/04/2011 20:35

nijnsky

The male police officers look after the female ones doh

Spenguin · 22/04/2011 20:36

Erm, it's assault and battery.

Assault doesn't mean 'he hit me'. It means that the victim felt threatened and was fearful.

Battery is just that - 'battered'. However, even spitting on someone's coat is battery.

Sorry, to the point: raise hell!

Goblinchild · 22/04/2011 20:40

We need Vicarinatutu on this thread, or some of the other female police officers that post here. Just so they can give their views as fragile blossoms protected by the men.
beesimo, I lived and was brought up in a testosterone-fuelled environment, both at home and in my community. It did absolutely nothing to protect women as individuals, merely as property that the men felt protective of and regularly refused to listen to. Not a good way to live for either sex.

StayFr0sty · 22/04/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

beesimo · 22/04/2011 20:52

Goblinchild

I am off out in a minute so won't be able to reply tonight.

I do however stand by everything I have said so far as it is my honestly held opinion I don't think there is any reason why everbody on here has to have the same outlook on life and btw you view has no more weight than any other posters. So don't bother trying to bully or gang up on me because it won't work

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 22/04/2011 20:56

because all her male friends will get you goblinchild Wink

libelulle · 22/04/2011 20:57

We're not bullying you or ganging up on you beesimo. We're disagreeing with you.

Goblinchild · 22/04/2011 21:05

'because all her male friends will get you goblinchild'

Nah, she posts like a Geordie and everyone knows they're too skint to make it past the Watford gap. Plus she's off out, have you seen Newcastle on a Friday night? She won't remember tomorrow.
Is that what you meant by bullying, beesimo, or shall I just go back to having a different opinion to yours?

tazmosis · 22/04/2011 21:13

That is revolting and totally unacceptable - your poor poor DD. I hope that you are both ok, I would be both devastated and furious in your shoes. Some people are so low. Really hope that the police take this seriously and so something - although I have to say I have little faith as my DSD got threatened and intimidated by a gang of youths - strangely also due to her red dyed hair - and the police were totally uninterested.

confuddledDOTcom · 22/04/2011 21:16

onceamai I'm shocked you said that! If they actually lived at the seaside and it was really the beach they went to (as the OP said they use the river as their seaside) would you have said the same? Or if it was a park. Of course teens are going to go out together and have a place to meet and of course other teens are going to have the same idea. This isn't gang warfare where you have to stick to a certain area and wear certain colours or risk getting hurt.

It's never right to blame the victim, where does it end if you start?

MadamDeathstare · 22/04/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiganLady · 22/04/2011 21:37

If you report it to the police the culprits will end up knowing who you are, where you live this could lead to even more problems for you & your DD. Of course it is unacceptable and disgusting but the police will want detailed descriptions, witnesses names, and in the end what will happen to the twit that did it, probably nothing & just be given a warning. Distressing as it is, I would try to forget it and keep away from places where scum congregate.

MollieO · 22/04/2011 21:49

shandyleer is it the place beginning with M? I live in C and there is definitely an increased community police presence over the school holidays. I was in the children's play area in M last week and was surprised at the amount of 'yoofs' that seemed to be hanging around.

Hope your dd is ok and if I were you I would follow up with the police if you don't hear from them in the next day or so.

fatlazymummy · 22/04/2011 22:09

wiganlady I understand what you are saying, but this attitude is why the bullies win. Why should they be allowed to get away with breaking the law? It does take courage to stand up to bullies but if no one does it they just keep on getting away with it.
My Mum [as an old lady] stood up and gave evidence against a criminal gang even though she was afraid of them. As a result they were sent down and other people were protected.
OP best of luck to you and your daughter.

OldMumsy · 22/04/2011 22:22

Please ring the police.

NorthernGobshite · 22/04/2011 22:32

Your poor dd. How is she now? Definitely report this to the police. Its disgusting.

bleedingstill · 22/04/2011 22:40

well done for phoning the police. I hope they catch and deal with the vile little oiks who did this.
Please can someone explain how some kids can be so vile. NO ONE I know , I mean NO one ( and I know some very dodgy people ) wold consider this remotely acceptable. So how does it get to happen? Are these kids some sort of sub species?

I hope your daughter is ok . I LOVE red hair, natural or otherwise!

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 23/04/2011 00:07

Can I just ask whereabouts (i.e north, south east) you are, shandy and Mollie? Am a bit worried as you are describing somewhere very close to me.

Spenguin - I lost count of the times I've explained the true meaning of 'assault' (and battery) to people - the meeja uses the term wrongly IMO which is why people misunderstand it.

Sorry; as you were - all the best shandy, I hope your poor DD is ok

pigletmania · 23/04/2011 00:12

Of course the op dd should go to the police, that's what they are there for. If everyone did not report crime the bullies would win and think it's ok to commit crimes

sausagesandmarmelade · 23/04/2011 09:24

Definitely report the incident to the police...hopefully they will take a full description and be on the look out for the same group.

Feel so sorry for your daughter...what's the world coming to if you can't go and enjoy the good weather with your friends without being picked on and having urine thrown over you. Disgusting!

faymous · 23/04/2011 09:29

At that age, they know that's uttering disgusting. I would report it to the police. I'd also make sure your Dd knows that things like this rarely happen. Otherwise she might be frightened to go out again!