AIBU sending my son to bed?

[littlemuckypups]

My 4 year old son is a fussy eater.
He will eat nothing but junk food and so i decided it was time to put a stop to it and start giving him more veg dinners.
He is a very stubborn little boy and if he don't want it he wont eat it.
I have tried making it fun and done my best to encourage him but he is having non
of it and would rather scream and get himself into a state than eat it.
To make things ten times worse i have a short fuse (something im not proud of) and he knows it so its not long before we are rowing.
Today i offered it to him and we sat for a good hour or more waiting for him to eat it and he used every excuse he could not to eat it (he even wet himself) everything was a distraction.
When i gave up i said No sweets or pop just water until tea time.
Then tea time came and we gave him the same again and the same thing happened again, only this time myself and my husband left the room so he had no excuse to be distracted.
To say he got angry would be an understatement!
I ended up in floods of tears in the other room and in the end we had to send him to bed.
I am struggling to come to a solution about this, no sticker chart or negotiating works and i'm Not going to give up because that is the reason i'm having so much problems in the first place.
I don't know how to handle this situation,
any suggestions?

[Reindeerbollocks]

*drawn

[littlemuckypups]

he is also one of those kids who no matter how small something is grated he will pick it out with his little fingers, he is not easily fooled, only when its covered with a sauce he might fall for it such as the pasta meal

[littlemuckypups]

thanks I will be back later to let you know how today goes

[Asinine]

Sweets in the morning are only for Easter and Christmas in our house. That's what makes it special and exciting. Try not giving him anything for a week where the first ingredient is sugar, or second ingredient if the first is water. Sugar is 'empty' calories, energy with no nutrition

[ScroobiousPip]

What about homemade oven chips? You can sneak in parsnips, carrots and sweet potato all cut up into chip shapes, as well as standard potato ones.

Also, if you don't mind a bit of faff, home-made ravioli is great for hiding veg, esp greens like spinach. Home made sushi too with bits of carrots, peppers and cucumber in the middle.

Veggie burgers made with grated veg sounds good too, btw. Anything that avoids the 'meat and two veg' scenario - there are so many other ways to eat veggies.

It may also be worth investing in a vegetarian cookbook too if your DS isn't keen in meat? Rose Elliott is generally a good bet. Will give you ideas for including eggs, tofu and pulses in his diet too.

[ScarletOHaHa]

My 4yo is strange when trying new things, especially fruit. He prefers raw veg and has carrot batons, red pepper , cucumber and now celery. I make up a few days worth and keep it in the fridge. He has this for a snack but also with pita, chicken and cheese for a meal. I find refusing food frustrating and upsetting and try Pancakeflipper's approach works best for us all. Good luck x

[jasper1980]

have you tried jamie olivers 7 veg pasta sauce?...you can vary what veg goes in it too. I make it in batches and when my two are being fussy I get it out the freezer, its quick and easy over pasta and you can add cheese too. Its all blitzed together with a blender so no visible "bits"

In general I don't agree with hiding veggies as I like my kids to know what they are eating, but they are kids and they have moments....at those moments I make them stuff like this!...or soup thats a good one too!

[Sidge]

My DD1 was hellish with food and as she was so dinky I pandered to her, she quickly realised that food and mealtimes were a great opportunity to gain control (which is entirely normal and a part of childhood development, but needs managing!)

She literally ate nothing but yoghurt and breadsticks for a month and would rather starve than eat anything else. I'm serious. I was in despair. Mealtimes were so stressful and when she did start eating a wider range of food I would rather cook 2 or 3 meals for me, her and DH than argue about it.

Then DD2 came along when DD1 was 5 and DD2 needs a strict diet for medical reasons. I was too tired and busy to play silly buggers with food and within days decided that (within reason) I was only cooking one meal and if she didn't like it tough, that was it until the next meal.

This was a girl that would literally sit and pick any green specks out of cheesy pasta where I'd mixed broccoli in.

Over time of me being tough, consistent and really turning it around so that food/meals were No Big Deal she began eating more and more. I would cook dinner (if I was planning something that I knew she really didn't like such as chilli I would make her a separate portion of mince with sauce with no chilli powder or kidney beans but it would have all the other veg in it) and serve it.

We'd all sit down and eat and ignore her apart from the odd "oh well done for eating a bit of sweetcorn, it's yummy isn't it?" comment.

Plates would be cleared away with no comment, and if she hadn't eaten much I wouldn't say anything but she would still get pudding - they only get fruit or yoghurt anyway. I didn't want to make some foods "good" and a reward for eating the "bad" stuff eg veg. It's all just food.

She is now 12 and a delight to feed, and will eat literally anything. She loves it when we have fajitas - her sisters love them too. DD3 is 4.5 and loves to make her own wraps with tortillas, salad, cheese and meat.

Sorry this is so long but I just want you to know that I've been where you've been in a way and it does get better but you have to be strong, consistent and really take the focus off food so it's not such a big deal.

You must stop buying the pop and sweets as children really don't need them, especially young children. Keep them for very special occasions!

[littlemuckypups]

well so much for a positive day so far!
i made him and myself fish fingers, peas and a small boiled potato and we ate together.
To start with he ate both fish fingers and just half the small boiled potato.
Then he started playing with his food rather than eat it so i left the table to carry on with my jobs around the house.
He then started protesting and shouting at me but i decided to let him get on with it (giving him 15 mins to finish eating)
He refused and so i took the plate away and he is not having anything else now till tea time, only water.
It may not have gone well but at least i stayed calm

[WikiSpeaksagain]

That actually sounds like a good result.

He ate

you stayed calm

What's not to like about that??

[vmcd28]

Agreed! He ate two fish fingers and a potato! That's great! Don't think about what he didn't eat, think about what he did eat. You started this thread because he only ate junk, but he's had a lunch that isn't junk. He may not have had veg, but he didn't have junk!
Be consistent, next mealtime do the same - keep calm, put a time limit on things, and don't force things.
Well done.

[mummymendez]

That is a great result. How did dinner go?

You are not alone in this! I also have a 4 year old son who sounds very similar. He has 2 younger brothers so I have no time to mess around making different foods etc. Either he eats it or he doesn't. And yes, there have been times when he has gone to bed having eaten no dinner. But he is still alive and happy, healthy and active. He is nearly 5 and he is now eating much better. I think that is because he has grown out of the picky stage rather than anything I have done.

But now the 2yr old is starting to get picky.... deja vu!

[Asinine]

Well done for staying calm. It will take time before he gets that your attitude has changed, he will be testing you out for a week or so. But stick to your guns and remember you are doing it because you love him and care about his health

[CheerfulYank]

You're doing really well! And so is he :) Just keep trying and being consistent!

[nzshar]

Sounds like you have done well as others have said look at the positive eg what he did eat rather than what he didn't eat.

I have to admit at 4 our ds was rewared with a few chocolate buttons if he ate without fuss and an amount deemed sutable and after his fruit (hardly ever have sweet/puddings or desserts) We stuck to making sure that only one thing on the plate was something new or not liked as much. It only took a couple of weeks and we slowly took away the buttons. Now at almost 7 he a balanced diet without the need for rewards.

I think you just have to find the way that works for you and him and keep calm :)

[littlemuckypups]

RESULT!

I have just got him to eat sausage's!
I know its not as healthy but its meat (usually he wont eat any kind of meat) and instead of frying them i put them in the oven.
they were with chopped tinned tomato's (which he hated) but at least he ate something he wouldn't eat before.
I'm starting to feel more confident about trying him with new things now coz before it was just the same foods.
I'm going to try raw carrots next i think!
I got into a habit of assuming he would not like new things but maybe i have underestimated him?
Next time i go to the supermarket i'm going to pick up a few foods i would not usually buy and see what happens.
he has had a tube of smartie's and a drink of orange and he is as happy as larry.
Bit different to yesterday me thinks

[Sidge]

Well done, you're doing very well!

Children are naturally curious so will often try things you might not expect them to. Offer a tiny portion and praise even a taste or a lick - most will not guzzle the lot down at the first sitting.

I have to be honest I don't think he needed a tube of Smarties but you're doing well to stay focused and calm.

Next time you go shopping maybe try:

Tinned sweetcorn
Raw salad and veg such as carrots, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, sugar snap peas, baby corn.
Pitta pockets that you can fill with cheese, tuna, peanut butter, ham, turkey etc.

Keep up the good work

[ongakgak]

Sounds great! Keep going.

A good bit of advice my HV gave me when we started weaning was to NEVER say to your child or in their ear shot- "you/he/she wont like this.." and it works, my mate is very fussy and she says this all the time to her kids. Guess what- her kids have a very limited food repertoire.

[TotemPole]

OP, well done, you've made progress. I wouldn't worry to much about not eating much meat. It could be the texture he isn't keen on.

ongakgak, If you don't mind me asking, how do you do your salmon stir fry? We have salmon with stir fry veg on the side, but I'm keen for us to try something new.

[ongakgak]

I marinate the salmon in light soy, some ginger and a bit of garlic with a bit of chilli. Do that in the morning, leave in the fridge.

Get a small pan, very hot, cook the salmon skin side down for about 3 minutes, then turn the heat down, flip the salmon, and cook for about 5 more minutes, take out the pan and wrap in foil.

Cook the egg noodles according to the packet instructions in boiling water.

Get your WOk or large pan VERY hot and toss in some ginger and garlic and some plain oil- vegetable oil is good.

Tip in the veggies you like- we like broccoli, pak choi, carrots, spiring onions, baby corn. A bag of pre prepped stuff is fine too.

Throw in a a couple of table spoons of chicken stock ( we always have some in the freezer), a splash of soy sauce, stir it up, drain noodles, chuck in, put into bowls, tops with the salmon-which will be all moist and juicy now. I add extra soy sauce to mine.

It is fast and not complicated at all.

[TotemPole]

Thank you, that sounds lovely.

[CheerfulYank]

Ongakgak my SIL also does that...constantly refers to her two DC as "the pickiest kids in the world! They won't eat anything !" when they can hear her. And...they don't eat anything. She also begs them to eat and they love refusing her.

We also like salmon marinated in equal parts soy sauce and pure maple syrup, then just broiled or grilled. Children usually seem to like it as it's sweet.

[squeakytoy]

I will try my salmon that way tomorrow :)

Normally I just put mine in foil, squeeze lime or lemon on it,loads of chilli flakes, wrap up,and put in the oven, but I like the sound of your method Onga :)

[ongakgak]

hey thanks guys, that salmon dish is ready in about 10 minutes. So fast and easy. My DS also likes stir fry with beef which is done in honey, lime and chilli too, think its the sweet element in it too C-yank

[PrincessScrumpy]

Sounds to me he likes some control. Write two menus and let him choose which you have - that way he's been involved. Also, get him to help cook.

Maybe at first do something he usually eats but with veg - burger with peas carrots and mash. Also, when you eat don't make an issue, just put food down and start a conversation with about your day etc. If he kicks off, stay calm and say: "It's time to eat dinner darling." Ignore any crying as if it doesn't bother you (deep breaths needed). Persevere, it will get better.

Oh and don't have temptations around the house.