AIBU sending my son to bed?

[littlemuckypups]

My 4 year old son is a fussy eater.
He will eat nothing but junk food and so i decided it was time to put a stop to it and start giving him more veg dinners.
He is a very stubborn little boy and if he don't want it he wont eat it.
I have tried making it fun and done my best to encourage him but he is having non

of it and would rather scream and get himself into a state than eat it.
To make things ten times worse i have a short fuse (something im not proud of) and he knows it so its not long before we are rowing.
Today i offered it to him and we sat for a good hour or more waiting for him to eat it and he used every excuse he could not to eat it (he even wet himself) everything was a distraction.
When i gave up i said No sweets or pop just water until tea time.
Then tea time came and we gave him the same again and the same thing happened again, only this time myself and my husband left the room so he had no excuse to be distracted.
To say he got angry would be an understatement!
I ended up in floods of tears in the other room and in the end we had to send him to bed.
I am struggling to come to a solution about this, no sticker chart or negotiating works and i'm Not going to give up because that is the reason i'm having so much problems in the first place.
I don't know how to handle this situation,
any suggestions?

You have my sympathy, my DS is a terrible eater.

However one thing really struck me about your post - the emotions displayed by you and your DS. Its becoming a battle of wills and food, which is always dangerous ground. I only know because we had this and we let it escalate, so every meal was a battle and it made me dread dinner time. It's not something I'm overly proud of either.

But we took a step back and we set out clear rules, pudding is only given if a plate is cleared and if a meal is refused then DS doesn't get an alternative. He just has to wait until the next meal. Because we all know the rules, it's taken the stress away. Only DS can decide what he eats and if he wants to go hungry then that's his choice (it sounds really harsh written down I must admit).

I also involved DS in the preparation of meals, he loves stealing bits of raw carrots, even if he won't later eat them when it's on the plate . Is that something you do? I would work also with what they want and what you want, so if he wants burgers then it has tomato and salad as your compromise.

It is tough though, and can make you feel awful at the time, but you are taking steps to rectify this, which is wonderful - I left it far to late and gave us all more stress than we needed!

I meant to add, slice the fish up, or cut into nuggets that can then be picked up by hand or just a fork, and dipped into ketchup..

Ds will eat lots of things that he'd otherwise be very suspicious of if it comes with "macaroni sauce", which is just a cheese sauce. So, cheese sauce over carrots, peas, chicken etc. Not what I'd particularly want to eat, but hey!

I would watch the salt content of his diet though, as a lot of the foods he is eating can be high in salt.

My DS really loves what ongakgak described as a "tapas tea" as well. Lots of veggies and fruit, all cut up with different dips. They feel more in control, I think, because they get to pick what they will eat. We call it a salad bar. :)

DS also likes to choose his "mix ins" for oatmeal - I put out raisins, berries, nuts, etc and he can choose what goes in.

Would he eat a different kind of sandwich if it was cut with a fun cookie cutter?

i have to say i'm glad i started this thread coz you are all coming up with some very good ideas!
When i get stuck i will be looking back to this for idea's coz i find when i'm stressing i tend to forget what other options there are

Agree with trying some stuff raw. Ds has some vegetables that he'll only eat raw (carrots, pepper) and I'm fine with him having some strips of red pepper when we're having broccoli.

we are having cookie cutter sandwiches tomorrow for our picnic cheerfulyank!

We also just have a big bowl of fruit and at the end of dinner we all choose one. DS is more likely to eat something if he sees that Daddy likes it. (Never mind me... ) I find that he eats the smaller apples and oranges more readily.

Oooh, aren't they fun ongakgak ? :) We're having trains, of course.

Please persevere or you will end up like me with a 12 and 15 yr old who struggle with fruit and veg And who told me it was my fault for not teaching them properly to eat them

I love my son very much but we are sooooooo alike in many ways lol! thats why neither of us back down. i could kick myself for crying though coz its the worse thing i could have done

He eats junk because you serve it

1 simply make him a meal
Place it in front of him

2 if he won't eat fine no snacks no anything elese till next meal time after
Try not to stress try a timer so he can see when his 30 minutes are up then simply remove the plate

1. If he dose eat pudding usually says well done quite nicely

Also you shouldn't be cooking separate meals for him eat should eat what. You eat and ideally you should be all eating together as a family

The good news is he likes lots of food that can have other food snuck into it!

SuperNoodles without the sachet mixed in are just noodles so put sone tomato, sweetcorn, peas, peppers in with them.

Pasta bakes with brocolli, cauli etc in a cheese sauce always go down well with mine.

Porridge can hide pretty much any fruit - pears and plums gently stewed with a tiny bit of sugar or choc spread. Mango or peaches just chopped small.

We go to local market and DC have £1 each to get something new - this month they've tried fresh figs and asparagus, which I'm fairly convinced they wouldnt have done if they hadnt picked them.

Try to make cooking and mealtimes fun. Praise when he eats or helps with cooking. Ignore what he hasnt tried but dont give crappy snacks to make up for it.

Have a fruit bowl for snacking, at 4 he could be allowed to help himself as long as he eats what he takes. Just tell him an hour or so before meals that no snacks til after the meal.

Don't kick yourself, give yourself credit for caring enough to come on here and ask for advice. Tomorrow is another day. Remember it's not a case of him 'winning' or you 'winning', you're all on the same side. He will enjoy food more in the long term if you introduce him to a wider range of food now.

Just read that back and I sound like one of those government healthy eating leaflets. Apologies to all

Maypole, for some kids its just jot that simple

It is that simple though.

Kids get fussy and stuck into junk because that is what they have been served.

If they have never tasted chicken nuggats, for example, how can they throw a tantrum if they don't get them?

Children in 3rd world countries aren't refusing their megre portion and screaming that they want crisps instead, are they? Children who have only ever been offered veg will eat only veg. children who have been offered a wide variety of foods from an early age will eat a wide variety of foods. Children who are served toast, sandwiches and chips will, if you suddenly stick a carrot on their plate when they are 5, look at it and say hell no!

What I am saying is there is nothing in the - inherent? - makeup of a child that means that they won't eat healthily. It is all about foods they've tried, foods that have been introduced too late, foods the parents eat, picking up on parental attitudes etc etc

Of course there are things they won't like. Nobody likes the taste of everything. But there is a difference between actually not liking a particular food and being rigid in your food choices so that it's toast or tantrum.

Take the power out of the game.

Serve up dinner. Make sure he has a plate like everyone elses.

Sit down to dinner, eat yours, chat around the table and don't say a word to him about eating or not eating.

Just don't engage in the argument. If he doesn't eat, well no biggy, same thing at the next meal, eventually he will eat, right now he is asserting his power.

Take the power out of the equation, no more battles, just don't engage.

hecate - I must disagree with you.

My parents were meat and two veg eaters. They served it - I sat in front of it and cried. I would only eat white bread with ketchup on it for 2 years (between 4 and 6ish). They took me to the doctor, who referred me to a paediatric dieticien, who told my mother that I was at risk of hospitalisation if I lost any more weight. So she fed me what I would eat, when I would eat it, and when I went to school I got more of an appetite and grew out of it.

now, part of that was the obscene power struggle my parents had got themselves into with me. No child should have to sit at the table being complained at and blackmailed every meal, and I suspect the reason the dieticien said to drop all attempts at healthy eating was to take the pressure surrounding food off me. I had at that point become quite fearful of mealtimes - I used to hide. But part of it was just sheer lack of hunger on my part. I do not recall ever wanting my dinner. Ever!

Yeah, but that is pretty unusual colditz and if the OP's son was to miss anymore than say 6 meals (so 2 days) by doing the 'no power struggle, but no substitutions' thing, then I would say take him to the docs.

I bet he wouldn't though, from the OP's description it sounds more like the game is the problem than the actual food.

Agree with CheerfulYank about the 'tapas' tea type thing. Tacos etc are very popular here because he can decide what he wants in his.

I have given him a light breakfast today to keep him going (apple and few cornflakes)
He has been pestering me for sweets and i have said no, not till after dinner.
I am going to give him fish fingers today with a few peas, and this time i am going to wait till HE asks me for it rather than giving it at a set time.
Believe it or not he has started asking already which is a good sign but i need to make sure he really wants it.
Oh and i am Going to remain calm today! NO ARGUMENTS AND NO REPEAT OF YESTERDAYS PERFORMANCE.
So far its looking positive

Whenever I go to the supermarket with my DD I let her pick up whatever fruit or veg takes her eye, and then she is eager to try it when we get home because she's picked it. It has lead to some interesting food choices, but has also got me trying lots more new things (and I was a super fussy eater).

Also I have found changing the names of food encourages DD to eat it. She will actually ask for 'Little trees and gold nuggets' but if I ask her to eat her Brocolli and sweetcorn she refuses point blank.

My Gran used to grate carrot and cheese together to get me to eat it (and I would lap it up) and my Nan used to 'pipe' mashed potato using an icing bag on to my plate to make little flowers, then would change the colour of the 'flowers' by adding carrot (as someone mentioned earlier you can get quite a colour palate by mixing different veg with mash!)

This is probably going to sound like a mad idea but food colouring springs to mind? lol! he loves blue? lol!

I've done that before - blue mash and blue pasta! It looks disgusting but if he eats it that's all that matters.

Well done for seeking advice and acting so quickly - it can be hard but don't be dawn into a battle. Good luck for the rest of today.