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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel at 46 that it's too late to change your life radically?

56 replies

queenceleste · 19/04/2011 13:49

It feels too late for me at the moment.

I am suddenly looking back and thinking I've been unwise about many things (principally re financial security)

Anyone out there who thinks anything positive on this subject? I'd appreciate it.

OP posts:
PumpkinBones · 19/04/2011 13:54

Not too late at all, but I suppose it is a case of being realistic about the things you can change and things you can't. I know people who have changed their lives radically at much older than 46. Are there specific things you want to change, or is it a general feeling you have?

lesley33 · 19/04/2011 13:54

I am 46. I'm not planning any massive changes, but no I don't think it is too late. I have friends who in their 40's have retrained and done jobs in a totally new field. Obviously it is too late for a career as an athlete or ballet dance for example, but it is not too late for most things.

Why do you think it is too late for you>

doley · 19/04/2011 13:57

It is never too late .

I have been a fool with vast amounts of money when I was younger ~I am 39.

My DH is 52 ,we are about to change our lives very shortly ...we have no security other than the fact we both know how to graft Grin

My Dad's company really took off when he was 50 ...

I don't have advice ....but we did it just 5 years ago when he was about your age ...what we set out to achieve ,we did ~personal family reasons have found us having to do it again though lol !

OopsDoneItAgain · 19/04/2011 13:58

Crikey no, definitely not too late! I had my first child at 42 so Im in to changing things in my 40's and fully intend to start a new career once DCs both at school. In fact (hate to say it!) but you probably have nearly 25 years working life left so plenty of time to start and develop a more lucrative career if you can.

expatinscotland · 19/04/2011 13:59

'It's never too late, to be what you might have been.' -Georege Eliot.

Original poster
queenceleste · 19/04/2011 14:03

Thanks
Just getting back to work actually.

OP posts:
slovenlydotcom · 19/04/2011 14:08

I am 46 and I would just like to thank oopsdoneitagain fopr reminding me of the further 25 years sobs

but no never too late: I intend to retrain completely and will be in my mid 50's by the time I qualify :)

ProfYaffle · 19/04/2011 14:15

My Mum's neighbour began training as an acupuncturist when she retired at 60. She set up her own practice at home, has been all over the world attending courses and subsequently teaching acupuncture. She's now 90 and still treating clients.

So, no, I don't think 46 is too late Smile

MillyR · 19/04/2011 14:18

My mum went back to college and retrained in her mid 40s. She then entered an almost entirely male profession and had a successful career. She had spent most of the previous 20 years as a SAHM.

moondog · 19/04/2011 14:20

I know a woman who wqas a school assistant for years aND years, then got completely fed up and retrained as a nurse at 47. When i saw her shortly after she qulified at nearly 50, she was unrecognisable. Oozed confidence and happiness.

lesley33 · 19/04/2011 14:48

In terms of getting back to work, no 46 isn't too old. But if you have been out of the workplace for a while you need to think about what kind of work you want to do and whether you need to retrain.

Friends in their 40's have retrained to be an acupuncturist, plumber, architectural technician and a physiotherapist.

I do understand you feeling daunted. I am due to be made redundant and as there are so few jobs in my field at the moment, I need to seriously look at retraining. It does feel daunting to basically have to start again. But as another poster said, at 46 we both have lots of working years ahead of us.

Original poster
queenceleste · 19/04/2011 14:49

massive thanks just the boost I needed to face the challenges of my day and 2 yr old!
At the moment I cannot even manage to potty train my dd or decide what to vote in the referendum. Feel utterly useless at the mo and keep imagining that in the recession I won't be employable now... keep looking back to what I should have done.
I know that's the wrong way to think but it's hard to stop myself.
I've always had quite low self confidence despite being an able person.
It feels now that the longer you're out of work the harder it will be to get back. I just wish I hadn't left it so late!
appreciate the posts thanks a lot

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 19/04/2011 14:51

you can't go through life living on "if's", if you'd only done this, if you hadn't done that.
Well if wishes were horses we'd all ride home, and if me aunt had balls she's be me uncle (to quote my ma and my DH). Unless you have a time machine IF is worthless.

Forward is the only way to move. Where do you want to go?

Original poster
queenceleste · 19/04/2011 14:53

good question, I'm working on it!
Thanks

OP posts:
lesley33 · 19/04/2011 14:59

I have had very low self confidence. But I find the way to build it up is to do things that I find daunting and improve my life. So if I was you I would make a list of things to do that would help me get back into work - and then do them crossing them off as I go.

The kind of things I was thinking of would be:

  1. Look at doit.org on the internet to find out more about volunteering where I live.
  2. Find 1 volunteer position I like the look of and contact them to say I am interested.
  3. Sign up to 3 websites that email me daily about local jobs available.

etc.

Carminaburana · 19/04/2011 14:59

Not too late at all - far from it!
I have a friend who re-married and started a new career at 63.

You're still young.

Good luck.

MadamDeathstare · 19/04/2011 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breathing · 19/04/2011 15:07

I will be turning 46 this year and am changing my life. Changed career but did it by using my old one, am moving and will live a completely different lifestyle.

MsToni · 19/04/2011 15:09

Reality check

Years from now, on your deathbed, would you be satisfied with the life you had and happy with the choices you made?

You have only one life to live, make the most of it and be true to yourself.

After 10 years as a business strategy consultant, I just retrained as a montessori teacher and its the best decision I ever made. The money doesn't compare but the satisfaction of having time with my son, working with little children and seeing them develop healthily and coming into their own person, fills me with joy.

Take a leap of faith and with your husband, you can make a new life. Treat it as an adventure and maintain the curiosity of discovering what else you can achieve.

Good luck xxxx

rubyrubyruby · 19/04/2011 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 19/04/2011 15:21

It is never too late to change who you are even at 46.

At 46 I am embarking on Schema Therapy which will radically change my personality on the emotional side, I look forward to embrassing the changes as they come along, to be honest, I can't wait.

doley · 19/04/2011 15:41

So glad for this question OP,~ and glad to see so many positive examples ...really lovely :)

Well done to all of you !

samels001 · 19/04/2011 15:50

Hi Queen, thank you for this thread. I am 46 in 2 months time, just found out DH is having an affair and planning to move out, so even tho' I hadn't planned it life is about to change dramatically. I'm just starting to think about a massive party. DH hated socialising so we never saw anyone so that's the 1st thing I'm changing! Get my old life and friends back.

BakeliteBelle · 19/04/2011 15:54

A woman in my town has just had her first book published and she is in her 90's.

However, perhaps you don't really need to change anything dramatically, just take a better look at what is already around you and appreciate the little things - the seasons, wildflowers, trees, people in all their shapes and sizes....i.e., the present, not the past

slipperandpjsmum · 19/04/2011 16:57

I know what you mean I had a sudden thought the other day that time is running out and I have so many things I still want to do but then I thought its moments like that which drive me on and stop me from stagnating. Age really is just a number though isn't it. I work with people in there 20s who appear to have no drive, no dreams.

Everyone has oceans to fly as long as you have the heart to do it.
Is it wreckless? Maybe
But what do dreams know of boundaries.......

Whilst you have breath in your body its never to late.

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