to be fuming at someone phoning ss on me

[AuntiePickleBottom]

i have no idea whom has, i think i am a good mum.

the social worker was lovely, and i am glad they did come even if this was a malicious phone call.

but i am so paroniod that someone is watching me now, i can belive someone would phone the ss on me

Yes, shocking that SS can just come in and investigate without giving any pointers as to WHAT they are investigating!

read your op and went oh heck...

wouldn't put it past one of my neighbours to complain..

The investigation hasn't finished because they have not spoken to her DP. (It was 'bad practice' that their enquires did not uncover that the Father lived with them. They wil not give to much information away because the DP could then have the answers he thinks that they want to hear, ready. They judge the reactions of the parents not just the answers. If they feel that there is need to speak to the children in private it stops the parents/carers from 'priming them'.

The OP will get an explanation when the investigation is complete.

I would rather be questioned than have a child be let in a abusive situation.

I don't think its fair not to know what it is you are accused of, otherwise how can you defend yourself. I have been accused of just about every possible crime against children (all malicious) and it is the most stressful thing that can happen to you. It actually makes 1000x more difficult to parent because you live in terror of any minute imperfection. Children need to be protected from abuse but it really shouldn't mean that people are put in a position where it is more difficult for them to be parents.

Rhinestone that comment was cruel and completely unnecessary.

to be fair this isn't an accusation,its initial assessment.fact gathering. emotive language like accused isnt really necessary. and undoubtedly this is v hard,but is a necessary process and check and balance that authorities invoke a process if required to

for every time there is an incident or serious case review,its always said better safe than sorry, or why dont sw do something

What a PITA!

I had this a few years back and it really makes you feel like crap, they really should tell you what the complaint was however.

They even showed me the complaint letter, although with the sender's name blacked out. It was quite sickening stuff claiming that 'it was disgusting that my daughter slept in my bed', she didn't but even if she did so what I'm not a bloody paedophile, also claiming that the children were not fed, clothed etc. and that I put out ciggarette's on their arms, nice!

They went as far as asking me to come into the office with the children but case was closed so relieved.

I would ask the social worker what the complaint is, you have the right to know that much.

God this has made me worry as I have such a foghorn voice!

I thought that have i ever felt like hurting my dc is a tricky question to be asked as there as a big difference between feeling like it for a moment when angry and actually doing it. Massive difference. Not sure how I would answer that.

I wouldn't let them in if they didn't tell me what it was all about.

I would hazard a guess that revealing the nature of the complaint will effectively reveal the complainant.

eg imagine your mum saw a particular incident and reported on the basis of it - you would know it was her as soon as the incident was described.

Disclaimer - I am not for one minute suggesting it was your mum! Just an example.

A friend of mine knew someone through a baby group who was reported to SS and the information given was enough for her to narrow the complaint down to three people, including my friend and a bit of a witch-hunt ensued, with lots of falling out and accusations being levelled. It actually turned out to be one of the three people - not my friend.

Having said that, you should push for at least the general category of the complaint.

Im confused by all of this.

she needs to give you a reason, welfare is not a reason, all CSC workers are about welfare!.

The SW wont reveal the source, but should and would say a general brief of the complaint.

It sounds as if the SW carried out a initial assessment, and this woman was a independent social worker, due to the fact she carried out other agency checks (HV, SCHOOL) she has 7 days to get back to you with the assessment report, (in accordance with the department of health) which you can also ask for a copy off (normally sent out in the post).

I'm still confused tho, as to why you answered her questions without knowing the "whys".

I thought that have i ever felt like hurting my dc is a tricky question to be asked as there as a big difference between feeling like it for a moment when angry and actually doing it. Massive difference. Not sure how I would answer that.

You would answer it no if you have half a brain, my friend was a SW her mum still is and they both say every word out of your mouth is open to interpretation and saying nothing is a sign of guilt, you literally cannot win so I wouldn't open my door to them without a warrant quite honestly, you are relying far too much on getting a sensible SW on a good day.

"you are relying far too much on getting a sensible SW on a good day"

In you're opinion, I know many SW, who do the job professionally and work with the parents where possible, SW are not evil. Its a hard job to do, and most of the time a unpleasant one.

I don't doubt for a moment SW is a very hard job, my friend gave it up after 3 years to become a teacher instead.
However professional the SW everything is opinion based and facts are interpreted and humans make mistakes.

Ive had SS involved with us. I know exactly why (we have nothing to do with them now as they have closed the case) and its horrible horrible horrible. I would not wish it on ANYBODY. Poor poor you

chipping - not letting them in is not a good idea, you need to show you are willing to work with the SS otherwise they will view it as you being difficult and have something to hide.

We got on well with our SS (infact we still bump into her from time to time as the offices are attached to the DC's school) and one of the reasons why we have no involvement with them now is that we worked with them. We answered their questions and did everything they asked us to.

I dont think some people realise how bad it really is to have SS involved, thats why some people may be too quick to go to SS without a good reason.

Disclaimer - By "without good reason" I mean that they just done like you, or you have different parenting opinions than them. Obviously SS do get involved for good reasons too.

I may be talking shite here, and don't want to cause the OP undue alarm, but are you sure that this woman really was a SW? I would be phoning SS to confirm that she was who she said she is and obtaining some grounds for the complaint.

I was going to say the same as mamatomany.

The answer to the question whether you ever feel like hurting your DCs is NO, never of course not.

When asked something like this by SS, it is not the time for psychological introspection and trying to think about the interesting difference between felling like doing something and the shades of nearly doing it and actually doing it. Assuming that you have never come close to hurting them then the answer is NO.

OP I am so sorry that you are going through this. I will add my name to the list of people that have been investigated in this way and it is certainly up there as one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I wish you luck, keep your chin up, good luck

I have a friend whose neighbour hated her (for no good reason), and who called social services a couple of times to report my friend - she was accused of leaving her small child home alone, and neglecting him - and it was a horrible experience for her, even though the social workers worked out very quickly that it was a malicious complaint that had no basis in fact.

I do understand and appreciate that every allegation made to social services does have to be investigated properly - but it sickens me to think that there are people who will use this as a way to attack someone they dislike. There are too few social workers as it is, and their caseloads are enormous, and whilst they are investigating malicious complaints like these, genuine neglect/cruelty/abuse could be going unnoticed. I wish I thought their consciences would bother them about this, but some people are so focussed on their own malice that I doubt that they would even care about possible harm to other people, as long as they'd successfully attacked their victim.

OP - I hope that this is all sorted out quickly and the case closed.
{{hug}}

I do think there ought to be prosecutions for malicious reports like false 999 calls, it wastes peoples time, causes masses of paperwork which will never ever go away, imagine you're reported, nothing is found and then 12 months later your DC falls and breaks something, there on the files are the fact that there has been SS involvement and it's there forever.

Perhaps they should properly interview the complainant first to make sure its not a malicious allegation? I think if it was me, I would be as difficult as possible - go and get the police, go and get a court order - just so that they waste their time. Put your questions in writing, I would say to them, I will not answer anything verbally.

I agree SurreyDad, you don't get bonus points for co-operating, or at least you shouldn't. And no smoke without fire is about as true as if you've done nothing wrong you've nothing to fear.

And before they leave, take a copy of any notes they've made, or any recordings etc.

Ah bur SurreyDad - sometimes the complainant is on the phone, very vague and hangs up before a full history can be taken. What do they do then? Ignore it knowing a child might be at risk? Or do they check anyway to reassure themselves (and possibly protect a child in the process)? Not sure what your history is with SS but you always come across as very mistrustful of SWs.
I work with SWs on a regular basis as a HV and can tell you there are some shocking cases out there of neglect and abuse. There are also families struggling with circumstances against them who have people making maliscious allegations - horrible, just horrible.
Thankfully with families I know well I can sometimes deflect a SS visit depending on the allegation.
"The house is filthy and untidy" - (they were in a one bed flat with nowhere to put anything).
"The baby's clothes were dirty" (their washing machine has packed up and parents are washing by hand).
"The baby is covered in nappy rash" (actually I undressed the baby to weigh him/her yesterday and she/he is NOT "covered in nappy rash".)

"Do you consider there is a role for us here" (Actually no - they need bigger housing/a working washing machine/relative or "friend" (?) who might want to offer help instead of wasting SS time).

You can see what I mean here - just SOME of the things said to me as a HV.

AND I even hear "If we go in it will be wrong - they don't need SS - just extra support". So it's not a given that a SW will visit following a complaint.

yanbu

I have no history with SW. But I do have a mistrust of 'professionals' in general.

Can I just ask those who have been the victim of malicious reporters, what happens to the person doing the reporting?

I mean, after SS visit and are satisfied that you have nothing to hide and are completely innocent, do they not then prosecute the reporter for wasting their time, money, resources, etc, or do they just get away scotfree?

If the latter then I find that appaling. Surely it's the same as wasting police time which can be prosecuted for.