To get married in a registry office, just DP and I, and not tell anyone beforehand?

[chrisonabike]

DP proposed to me today. We've been faffing around the subject for a while, both feeling that we 'should' be married and I do want to have the same surname as 2yo DS.

Thing is, I don't like fuss and we're a bit skint. He's suggested that we book a registry office at the seaside town we're going to in June and just do it, he and I.

I've never seen myself in a white dress anguishing over corsages and table plans, it sounds like my personal hell. But even if we have a small registry office do and I invite my close family, DP feels like he has to invite his narcissistic and emotionally abusive nightmare of a mother and I would rather avoid nuptials entirely than be in the same room as her. My family would (probably) understand and are unlikely to be upset if we 'eloped'.

Has anyone done this? Would you recommend it or do you look back with a bit of regret that you didn't make a bigger deal of it?

Do it. I so wish we had done this. Please do it chrisonabike, do it for me

Do It, We did and it was the best thing we ever did.

The thought of all that faff/cost/keeping everyone happy and not to mention the "standing up" in front of a congregation of people to say our vows absolutely filled me with dread. It's just not me.

So we decided "Feck It, Lets do what we want" It was great.

My parents were really happy for us but MIL had her nose put out of joint and continued to announce at every opportunity that we weren't properly married .... she didn't bloody like me anyway.... so no skin off my nose!!!

we have been married 16 years in the summer.

Go for it. Some relatives of ours did this. In the evening, they had a dinner in a restaurant for some good friends (not annoying relatives) and announced at the end of the meal that they were married. Everyone thought it was great.

Congratulations! 'Tis the marriage that is important, not the wedding. Go with what you both want. Would suggest the very quiet ceremony followed at some stage by a party/barbecue if that is at all possible. Sounds as though whatever you do, future MIL will present a problem, so please yourselves. Good luck!

We did this - no-one knew. I feel the same as you ..always knew I could never do the white dress, centre of attention thing.

Some people still don't know we're married. Does it really matter? We did it for ourselves.

Go for it.

I feel like a right miserable old cow now. The thing with mine was it was the first and only registry wedding Ive ever been to and was pretty quick and clinical to me. The "ceremony" literally lasted 5 minutes and we were bundled out for the next lot (all in full dress) to come in. We didnt have anyone and just went home after, no photos, no romance, no sharing with friends or family.
I dont miss the big event. Never wanted that. (except a cake, I am obsessed with beautifully iced cakes ) But I think it could have been a little more special iykwim.
The marriage , however, has been great

This thread makes me wonder just who the hell is keeping the whole wedding industry juggernaut going...

Mother of the bride, by the sounds of it!

I think it was mother of the groom in out case Yusmilady - she only has boys, my mum had just done a huge wedding for for sister (totally driven by my very materialistic sister).

We did it, one wet Tuesday. Had a get together in the evening for local friends. Told families the next day.

My family were not put out (they were one reason for doing it that way: I couldn't visualise a wedding with our friends, dh's family, AND my family - they are not my kind of people at all and anyway long divorced and not happy in a room together).

DH's family were put out, but didn't say, and I only realised when BIL got married and MIL made a LOT of comments about how pleased she was that they were doing it the right way.

I still don't regret it, though.

I've been a witness, too, and it was spare and somehow far nicer than many full-on weddings I've been to. Far more honest. But a different thing.

Thanks for your input everyone.

breathing you're not a miserable old cow at all and I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm prepared for the 'ceremony' itself to be a bit of a non-event. I think that it's what we do afterwards that'll make it special. We need a little plan to celebrate the moment (even if it is just fish and chips on the beach) to avoid standing on the pavement outside the town hall thinking "what now?"

I'm going to call the registry office this morning to see if they can fit us in.

Do it!

My sister did this and we were all delighted for her. Apart from her best friend who never spoke to her again but she was a twat anyway.

Yes, make sure you do something special after :)

Fish and Chips on the beach sounds fab. My kind of thing, and very memorable.

How VERY Romantic.

Hope you do it.

oooh, I've always wanted to do this.

If it was me, I would want to look utterly gorgeous, and have a profesional photographer on hand, and have a lovely meal afterwards with wine.

See this link:

www.lovemydress.net/blog/2011/01/an-intimate-london-elopement-for-a-valentino-bride.html

One more thing, if I asked my nan and gramps about their 65 years of married life, it would not be the "big day" that gets a mention, but all the other highs and lows, after all a wedding is only one day.

my dh and i did this after living together for years.We sent an invite to everyone to say that we would be marrying in that week [ no day] and that there would be a party to celebrate on the saturday[ we actually married on the friday ]This way no-one had to go rushing around buying new clothes etc.It was fun apart from the fact i had flu and had to see somone to do something to my back on the afternoon of the party !!!! Enjoy

If you're going to the seaside town near where I live and you need a witness.. :)

Go for it - just read the many wedding threads on here and you KNOW it is a good idea!

dollius a similar experience here.

Registry office in Edinburgh, boutique hotel for us and two witnesses, nice meals out the night before (stag/hen night!) and the night after.

DH's parents not too bad about it but my parents kicked up a huge stink, (tears, tantrums "what have we done to deserve this - we were never cruel parents") and to appease them we had a church blessing for the families a couple of months later (a dreadful day we hated, exactly how our wedding would have been if we hadn't stuck our ground).

My mum kept saying to me at the time 'when you have children, you'll understand" but I now have a child and I would want him to have the wedding he wanted - I wouldn't have a problem with it at all if he eloped.

Oohlala,

Those beautiful wedding pictures made me cry.

We DIDN'T have a particularly small wedding, but I'm glad as my mum passed away 2 weeks later (although we had no idea she was I'll when we started planning it) so I have some wonderful pictures with my lovely mum and us, but I CERTAINLY wouldn't begrudge any one of my friends doing this. I WOULD quite like to be the close friend invited as a witness just once though!!!

Good friends of ours did this - and their parents were absolutely devastated. Not angry, just very sad - they don't hold it against them, but, the groom's mother in particular I suspect, will probably never quite get over it. I know it sounds dramatic, but they are a close family.

However, I can totally understand your reasoning, know others that have done it with no ramifications.

I say go ahead, but just be aware that some family/friends may be upset, but it is not their wedding, it's yours.

Have a lovely day, and congratulations ! :)

Meow75, I'm planning my own wedding, and found the pics when looking at pretty wedding reports on lovemydress. It was my favourite, and how I'd love to get married, but parents and hubbie would never agree.