To get married in a registry office, just DP and I, and not tell anyone beforehand?

[chrisonabike]

DP proposed to me today. We've been faffing around the subject for a while, both feeling that we 'should' be married and I do want to have the same surname as 2yo DS.

Thing is, I don't like fuss and we're a bit skint. He's suggested that we book a registry office at the seaside town we're going to in June and just do it, he and I.

I've never seen myself in a white dress anguishing over corsages and table plans, it sounds like my personal hell. But even if we have a small registry office do and I invite my close family, DP feels like he has to invite his narcissistic and emotionally abusive nightmare of a mother and I would rather avoid nuptials entirely than be in the same room as her. My family would (probably) understand and are unlikely to be upset if we 'eloped'.

Has anyone done this? Would you recommend it or do you look back with a bit of regret that you didn't make a bigger deal of it?

We did this.
It was horrible.

breathing - sorry to hear that. Can I ask why? The do itself or folks reactions?

YANBU, I'd prefer to do it this way myself. Would not mind in the slightest if a friend or relative chose to do it either.

You can always have a party later if you feel the need or regret not having more of a fuss, or have a big do for one of your anniversaries!

Sorry, didnt mean to post and run.

It felt empty. The surrounds were ugly. Non event. All over in 5 minutes.

Family were fine.

No, I honestly would not be put out. In fact, I bloody hate going to weddings, so am pleased not to be invited. I've always been of the opinion that getting married is a private thing between me and my partner - I just don't see why loads of other people need to be involved. I generally try to avoid going to other people's weddings. I'll be well cheesed-off if either of my dcs ever have a fancy one. I'll be sending them a cheque and staying at home, like my parents did for me.

everyspring, thanks for the link - I look forward to a good read of it later!

I like the cut of your jib, Stropperella

I did this and I don't regret it. I had a lot of the same feelings as you mentioned and I'm glad I did it our way.
The parents were fine with it but my sisters were odd. One still holds a grudge but she's a stubborn sort by nature. I'm not going to live by her rules so I'm sure I'd have eventually done something to put her nose out of joint.

Congratulations!! It is your wedding, so your choice. But you must promise that you save up for June and treat yourselves to a really lovely meal out and the one thing I would do, would be to hire a photographer for a short time so that you can have some nice pics on the beach. Best of luck

Its not that I would have liked a bigger deal- not me at all!. I didnt even have a dress and never really wanted the whole "wedding" thing. I think I would have liked to have shared it with some friend and family though.

Hello! Do it! I've already been quoted so will go put DDs to bed instead of waffling on...

Robino - I remember your thread the first time and was lurking and wishing I was in Wakefield.

Do it OP.

thanks robino - I shall put on <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=markgorman.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/jeanas-hat.jpg&imgrefurl=markgorman.wordpress.com/&usg=__v0WTDGqFKfq0vhUKMm8ibYmsnfI=&h=829&w=1094&sz=63&hl=en&start=31&sig2=G42V5IZ1PwokwiRNsfWFeA&zoom=1&tbnid=-J1QppyvvLWJIM:&tbnh=129&tbnw=206&ei=nSCrTdbhPMuv8QO-9Li5Ag&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhuge%2Bwedding%2Bhat%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3DMTW%26sa%3DG%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D707%26site%3Dsearch%26tbm%3Disch0%2C593&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=749&vpy=255&dur=808&hovh=156&hovw=206&tx=110&ty=85&oei=lyCrTfDpBsSO8gPkpfzaDg&page=2&ndsp=28&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:31&biw=1280&bih=707" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">my finest wedding hat this evening and read your thread

Chris - how would you feel about taking to your parents and asking them - explaining why you want to do it? If they are going to be really hurt, can you not suck up having your MIL there for the day? (I understand evil bitch MIL's - truely I do, but I would stand side by side with the devil to have my parents at my wedding).

However you do it, I hope you have a lovely time :)

Chipping - thinking about it I probably will sound out my parents. Can't bear to think they might be hurt. They're more likely to be relieved though as they've already had one daughter have a big wedding in the last year..

I hope they understand and you can all be happy with the arrangements - you can always have a 'family' day sometime soon not to celebrate of course, no cake, flowers or anything

at Chipping

YANBU If that's what you want then go for it. I'd be tempted to do the same thing if I ever got married only for the fact that I would want my dd and my bf's dd as bridesmaids.

Entirely up to you and your dp, of course, but you could take Chippings idea into account for a later date for family and friends but don't feel obligated to.

i did this too
agree with breathing actually, it was to be married am not into big wedding thang..we could've made more effort i feel, it wasnt very special but was not not a nice day ifykwim

think carefully OP - once its done that's it..

Oops, just reread the first two lines of your op.

Forgot to say congratulations :)

It's what I wanted to do. I enjoy going to a fancy wedding (that I'm not paying for), but we could not be arsed with all that faff/expense ourselves. The thing is that if you get married in your jeans at the local registry office or have a £50k castle affair, the next day you have still achieved the same thing. We ended up getting married abroad which was great but we were railroaded into having a reception we didn't want.

Go for it!!

I did this too. No regrets at all. It was lovely - we had two of our best friends as witnesses, and told no one else but my parents (who were delighted that I didn't want them to contribute to a big wedding!) No one was upset - in fact as we had been together over 13 years I think most people were just pleased we finally got around to it!

We got married eight weeks ago in this way. There were very specific reasons why we needed to get married ASAP.

However, some family members now won't speak to me at all because they are hurt at our behaviour. The very close members were upset but understood and we are having a party thing for everyone to celebrate soon.

It was still one of the best days of my life and although it has caused rifts it was very unique to us and we loved our teeny wedding, and we don't regret it.

Do what you want but be prepared to find people upset by your actions. It is ultimately about you and your DH, but certain people feel it is their right to be part of events like these.