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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really really not get 'naming ceremonies'

118 replies

Gemsy83 · 17/04/2011 09:12

I mean- why???

OP posts:
breathing · 17/04/2011 10:10

Well to me LOTM it was my kids' first sacrament.

beesimo · 17/04/2011 10:11

I think it is a lovely idea to get both sides of the family and your friends together on the same day to formally introduce the baby in a 'naming'. If you can't show a new bairn off without people carping its a bad job.

All ours were Christened as per our religious beliefs, but yes we did it in our usual style. We like to dress up and show off and why the hell not life's to short not to have a bit of fun and happiness.

It can't all be sackcloth and ashes.

MarianneM · 17/04/2011 10:14

I'm actually with Gemsy on this one. The following post kinds of sums up what I think is wrong with "naming ceremonies":

*Darling nephew got bombarded with gifts for being christened. DS didn't, due to the lack of christening... I'm an atheist. As far as I see, a naming ceremony is a non-religious ceremony. Basically, it's not about "naming" the child, it's about stating your hopes for the child.

If I'd known about it when DS was younger, I'd have considered it.*

The feeling of ill-usage: "darling nephew for bombarded with gifts...DS didn't"...AND?

MarianneM · 17/04/2011 10:15

"Stating your hopes for the child"...like lots of gifts Grin?

dontcallmepeanut · 17/04/2011 10:17

I'm just making a point... The only reason DN got bombarded with girts was due to the christening. Ironic, considering the family are atheists. SIL even admitted, she was only doin it for the gifts... Why should children be treated different by relatives just because of the parents religious choices?

dontcallmepeanut · 17/04/2011 10:18

No, Marianne, like good health, happiness, etc... Stop twisting my words.

Insert1x50p · 17/04/2011 10:21

No, Marianne, like good health, happiness, etc... Stop twisting my words.

Doesn't that rather go without saying? What's the point of publicly wishing for it?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 17/04/2011 10:21

Oh this is just more superstitious whinyarsing. Rational people do NOT NEED all the imaginary friend bullshit to make their lives meaningful, a naming ceremony is, as others have described, a way of having a big family get-together and welcoming the new person into the world.
But 'Waaah, you can;t have a party if you won't believe in my imaginary friend' is on the level of 'Waaah, you can't celebrate at midwinter if you don't ignore the inconvenient truth that it's not actually a Christian festival at all...'

dontcallmepeanut · 17/04/2011 10:24

FFS, when did this turn into the gang up on peanut thread?

Insert1x50p · 17/04/2011 10:24

You can have a party.......just why bother with the ceremony? Why not just have the party?

MarianneM · 17/04/2011 10:28

LOTM

An infant baptism isn't about parties and attention either Hmm. Christian faith is not about observing the Bible word for word, it's also about tradition. Christian faith is not only about the Bible, without tradition there would be no Bible.

If you don't believe in infant baptism LOTM why bother having your DC "dedicated"? This is the happy clappy churches' excuse for party and attention :)

Original poster
Gemsy83 · 17/04/2011 10:29

Oh fgs- I get people disagree with me loads, I dont start bleating about people 'ganging up' Hmm

OP posts:
dontcallmepeanut · 17/04/2011 10:31

So... one rule for the christians, one for the atheists? How dare we consider wanting a nice little ceremony for our DC, not just a "party"...

PeachyAndTheArghoNauts · 17/04/2011 10:32

We ahd one for ds3. DS1 and ds2 had been Christened but the lcoal Vicar and I had fallen out (over her complaints about ds1, asd, stimming in Church) so we were not going thre yet didn;t want ds3 to look back and have less of a welcoming to show in pictures, family stories etc. It was a lvoely day; we got in a Humanist celebrant, really moving. Lots of people said they'd thought it ws a bit of a weird thing but would recommend him to otehrs. We assigned formal mentors as part of it ('Odd Parents') putting him on a par with his siblings and as ds3 went on to develop severe SN I am extra glad there are two more people formally watching out for him. Also, those people are my relatives and like me not Baptised so the Church would not have accepted them as God Parents.

DS4 was Baptised as we had moved by then.

Pretty much every culture has some form of welcoming ceremony; it's a great ting to have a baby and a formalised celebration can be very meaningful.

pigsinmud · 17/04/2011 10:33

We had a Thankgiving service at village church with lovely vicar. It wasn't Christian in content. It hinted at a spiritual element - our vicar was fine with that. Dh & I have spiritual leanings, but can't pigeon hole them in to a specific religion. We had some music, poetry and readings and it was lovely.

We have Christian friends whi have also gone down the Thanksgiving route, therefore leaving the decision about baptism to the child when he/she is older.

MrsHerculePoirot · 17/04/2011 10:34

We had a naming ceremony for DD when she was 9 months. It was an absolutely lovely day and many of our friends and family had not been to one before and all commented afterwards on how personal and special they felt the ceremony had been. The reason we had a naming ceremony and not just a party was that we used it as a celebration and a way for us to make promises to our daughter about the way we wanted her to be raised, her grandparents also did the same. We realised the reason we were thinking about having a christening was to be able to ask all our friends and family to come and celebrate what for us was the most important thing to have happened to us since getting married and not for religious reasons. We also had chosen two friends to be her supporting adults (equivalent of godparents) and this was a public acknowledgement of that and their opportunity to make their promises to her. We included in our ceremony the reasons for choosing her names which was something very important to us.

A naming ceremony/party can be tailored to be as formal or informal as you like, if you want to just have a party then or not then that is entirely up to individuals. For us the ceremony bit was important, but that doesn't mean I don't 'get' people that want to do something different - I find that quite rude tbh so YABVU.

Original poster
Gemsy83 · 17/04/2011 10:37

Why is it 'rude' to not get why someone does something? Why take it so personally? I really cannot for the life of me grasp why someone needs a 'ceremony' to welcome a child into the world- dont people relevent to the child do that automatically? It just seems showy, sorry im not attacking anyones choices I just dont think I will ever see the need.

OP posts:
beesimo · 17/04/2011 10:37

If you want a Christening have one, if you want a naming ceremony have one, if you want a big party have one and enjoy a special day for you and yours.

Guest should either join in with whats going on or stay away. Let any begrudgers sit at home nursing their crackpot sense of 'right and wrong' if they want to miss out on the good times its up to them.

BikeRunSki · 17/04/2011 10:40

I am not religious (have given this a lot of thought, was raised catholic), but I still wanted to celebrate the arrival of my son in the world and say some nice things about him. We had a Humanist ceremony, but I hate the term "naming ceremony" as he had had his name for 9 months by then, so we called it a "Welcoming Celebration".

Humanist "minister" did a fabulous job of bringing together soem very toughtful and though provoking readings and wleocming DS into the family. We talked about why he had his name(all family names), how a child brings together families and generations, new life, new beginnings, the future all that kind of stuff. And it was all personal to us, not dictated by the Book of Common Prayer.

My Catholic mum was very Hmm at first, but was was moved by the whole event and very full of praise for us doing something we want rather than what convention expected. We were also able to hold it in a location that is very significant to us.

moomiemoo · 17/04/2011 10:41

What Beesimo said.

senua · 17/04/2011 10:42

I think that it is nice to have a ceremony to welcome a child into the world.
It is natural to mark a big life event (hatches / matches / dispatches) with a big family'n'friends gathering to witness it.

breathing · 17/04/2011 10:44

I think a welcoming ceremony is a nice idea bikeskirun.
I know that for us, the christenings were nothing to do with naming, just welcoming. So why not. Its just the same but under different faiths or beliefs (including atheism)

senua · 17/04/2011 10:46

"I really cannot for the life of me grasp why someone needs a 'ceremony' to welcome a child into the world- dont people relevent to the child do that automatically?"

But people doing it individually is not the same as the family doing it en masse. You usually only get the whole family, on both sides, together at events like this.

MarianneM · 17/04/2011 10:47

the christenings were nothing to do with naming

Baptisms DON'T have anything to do with naming.

breathing · 17/04/2011 10:48

Er, yes, that was my point