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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DP's mother coming in to clean my house is annoying!

98 replies

crazychic141187 · 15/04/2011 21:12

My DP is currently in hospital suffering from a ruptured kidney and his mother came round yesterday and cleaned our house. Apparently im not capable of cleaning my own house but she wouldn't hear no and her younger daughter who is staying with us let her in.

She cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, living room and hall and then proceeded to text my DP complaining that I was an untidy person!

It got me fuming seeing as im in the middle of doing 6 pieces of work for uni, im constantly travelling backwards and forwards to the hospital to see DP and ive got my own health problems which is seeing me at the doctors twice a week!

OP posts:

supadupacreameggscupa · 15/04/2011 21:14

YABU

so let her, honestly, more fool her.

isn't it nice to come home to a nice clean house? i loved it when mil did mine.

just ignore the comments and enjoy

Changing2011 · 15/04/2011 21:14

I would love it. If it pisses you off leave some lube and stuff out in the bedroom to embarass her.

Her son is ill, she is probably trying to help.

Flisspaps · 15/04/2011 21:14

Phone her, thank her for coming to clean, but tell her that it really won't be necessary in the future, and that you'd rather do it your own way.

joydivisionovengloves · 15/04/2011 21:15

YANBU. My MIL does this and it drives me mental. She also replaces my cleaning products with "superior brands" when I'm not looking!

Flisspaps · 15/04/2011 21:16

I forgot to add - some people will come on and tell you YABU, how lovely it is to have someone clean for you - I would go fucking bonkers if DM or MIL cleaned my house for me, so understand how you feel.

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:17

YABU, I'd love it.
wouldn't even mind the insulting text as it would be true in my case :) though DH is just as bad, if not worse, so I'd be a bit miffed if she thought it was just my fault!

blabalalalablabla · 15/04/2011 21:17

maybe she just wanted to help out given that you are doing six pieces of work for uni, travelling to hospital and back and your own ill health.

perhaps she is worried about her only son and wanting to clean as a way to try and help?

does she have form for badmouthing you?

TeddyMcardle · 15/04/2011 21:18

Send her round to mine. I am an untidy person.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/04/2011 21:19

I'd hit the bloody roof. Why the hell did you not shove her out the door?

Someone coming round to help you, in the right way - supportive and "I want to help you at this difficult time" - THAT would be a lovely thing to do.

To come round and basically act like 'this is MY SON'S home and I have RIGHTS' and act like you don't matter and then bloody bitch about you like you're the skivvy not doing your womanly duty by your man is bang out of order.

She didn't come round to support you and your partner. She came over to take over because she sees your home as her son's place not yours. So how you feel about it doesn't matter.

dearyme · 15/04/2011 21:19

just be grateful she is helping you

MatchsticksForMyEyes · 15/04/2011 21:19

YADNBU. I hate that. It's just like a big slap in the face. Someone basically thinking your house is so dirty they need to come in and sort it for you. at her texting your dp to bitch about you too

working9while5 · 15/04/2011 21:19

YANBU

Anyone who says it is U to have an issue with your MIL complaining about your untidiness in this context needs a big fat

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:22

She's trying to help though!

2cats2many · 15/04/2011 21:24

YANBU. I would bloody hate that. It's one (nice) thing to do it if you've been asked to help out. Its quite anther (annoying and intrusive) thing if you invite yourself over to rummage through your DIL's personal possessions clean.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/04/2011 21:25

trying to help is not coming in, unwanted, insisting on cleaning and then texting your son in hospital to say that his partner is dirty.

Helping would be speaking to the OP, saying "I want to support you, this is a difficult time for you, what can I do? I could come in and do some tidying, or I could ...."

What this woman did was NOT trying to help. I'm sorry but those of you who think that she was trying to help are really naive.

Flisspaps · 15/04/2011 21:27

Helping would be to say 'Is there anything I can do to help whilst you've got so much on'?

NOT

Turning up and cleaning another adult's house, uninvited, then bitching that the female of the house didn't keep it clean and tidy enough.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/04/2011 21:29

fliss. I concur.

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:39

Maybe she thought that the OP would say no if she just "offered" and thought she really had to insist?
At worst, misguided.
Unless she really is a bitch in all areas of life, but we only have the info from the OP to go on.

And.. my MIL would offer - "is there anything I can do to help?" I would always say "no, it's fine" out of politeness/wanting to put across an exterior that I was coping/not wanting to say "oh yes pleeease, come and clean for me!"

Whereas my Mum would say "I'm coming to clean tomorrow"! "No buts.." And I would prefer this. I'd say "thank you mum" and feel really looked after and like I had no choice but to put my feet up.

I accept that everyone's different, and the OP and lots of you posting wouldn't like this.. but if she was my MIL, I'd prefer her approach! I just think that people are a bit too harsh on MILs generally, what's wrong with assuming the best intentions rather than the worst? (unless there's a significant back story here..)

My mum and MIL are both lovely, just trying to show how it might not always be that cut and dried as some of you are making out.

Cat98 · 15/04/2011 21:41

Hecate - "unwanted" - how did she know? Maybe she feels the same way about cleaning as I do and would assume everyone does?! Misguided, maybe.. not mean!

holderness · 15/04/2011 21:42

I would hate this.
Thank god my MIL has rarely set foot over our doorstep and then by invitation only.

But there are some people who just cant be nice even when they try.Sounds to me that your MIL falls into this category.She does a nice,good helpful thing when her son is in hospital and her DIL is struggling with her own worries.but to do it calmly and with grace is beyond her - and shows a certain weakness.That wouldnt 'do' at all.

So she broadcasts her work and moans about the DIL. What a martyr she is having to do all this work (but secretly enjoying being able to help out-just as long as those young 'uns don't go taking advantage)

Gemsy83 · 15/04/2011 21:52

I agree with Fliss and Hecate- downright rude and my MIL is similar. Luckily she cannot drive and get over to our house. She did it once when we were on holiday (BIL had the keys so he could decorate which we paid him to do)- I can assure you she hasnt attemped to do it again.

troisgarcons · 15/04/2011 21:55

MIL thinks shes helping.

If you weren't such an untidy sluttern she could perhaps be at her sons bedside.

O/T - who gave her the key?

LindyHemming · 15/04/2011 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2BoysTooLoud · 15/04/2011 21:57

I'd hate it. For a start my house far too untidy for it to be anything but embarrassing. [Too cluttered]. Even though I know I am slovenly I would be furious at text too.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 15/04/2011 21:58

Cat, I think the clue is in the OP

"She wouldn't hear no"

No was said and ignored.

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