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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DP's mother coming in to clean my house is annoying!

98 replies

crazychic141187 · 15/04/2011 21:12

My DP is currently in hospital suffering from a ruptured kidney and his mother came round yesterday and cleaned our house. Apparently im not capable of cleaning my own house but she wouldn't hear no and her younger daughter who is staying with us let her in.

She cleaned the kitchen, bathroom, living room and hall and then proceeded to text my DP complaining that I was an untidy person!

It got me fuming seeing as im in the middle of doing 6 pieces of work for uni, im constantly travelling backwards and forwards to the hospital to see DP and ive got my own health problems which is seeing me at the doctors twice a week!

OP posts:
Melly19MummyToBe · 16/04/2011 20:33

I think it must just be a MIL thing, but always the mothers of men. It's never the womens mothers is it?

JingleMum · 16/04/2011 20:38

Melly19Mummytobe - sorry, that's what i meant, mother of men.

ivykaty44 · 16/04/2011 20:40

send her round to be annoying and do my cleaning ta very muchly

popsypie · 16/04/2011 20:48

Totally agree it is a total cheek!!! My
Own mum would never do such a thing but my mil has cleaned my
Kitchen 'properly' before. Funny thing was I had given it what I had thought was a good clean before she came round!!! Obviously I am
A dirty cow!!!!! Best leave to your dp to sort out - she won't listen to you! In the meantime
Change the locks!!!! ;-)

AuntiePickleBottom · 16/04/2011 20:49

i would hate it, my home is my space.

plus i am the most fussiest cleaning ever, and i would have to go around do it all over again so i know it has been done.

joshop · 16/04/2011 21:01

My MIL thinks she knows best but I end up having to redo the washing up because she can't see properly to get things clean. She means well though and is a bit judgemental but wouldn't send a bitchy text to DH, partly cos she never switches on her mobile!

Crazychic, I wonder why your SIL is staying with you and not her mum. Is that because her mum is neatfreak/tidy/control freak, whom she's scared of and that's why she lets her in? Also, is SIL doing her bit around the house?

reelingintheyears · 16/04/2011 21:20

Not in a million years wopuld i let MIL do this...

Or DM

Nosey buggers.

Cartoose · 16/04/2011 21:20

So her son AND her daughter are in the same house as you but she blames you (and ONLY you) for an "untidy" house Hmm.

2rebecca · 16/04/2011 21:41

I'd tell your husband you find his reply to his mother nasty and feel bullied and belittled by the attitude of him and his family. Ask why the house cleaning is considered your responsibility. I would tell your MIL you don't want her coming into your house without an invite again and tell her you found her text rude and sexist and you are not your husband's domestic slave.
I'm not sure why you have his sister there, but sounds as though she has outstayed her welcome and isn't helping round the house much.

Original poster
crazychic141187 · 17/04/2011 00:50

It gets better today! Went to the hospital to see dp and his mother was there too. She turns round to him and says " I'll come round and cook some food for you next week so you have something proper to eat when you cone out!" bloody cheek of it! Now I apparently can't cook either! But this time dp did stand up for me and say " you know she can cook proper food so we don't need you to" and she turned round to me and said "'o can you?". Sometimes I feel like screaming at her " I'm a grown woman too!!!".

The sister staying is more complecated than I can go into but she won't be here for much longer than a month but yeh im the only one in the house who causes any mess of course! ha yeh right!!

P.s. What does the abbreviation stand for i have no clue??

P.p.s that's not my real name, I was reading about Mel B from the spice girls when I posted before!

OP posts:
BrandyAlexander · 17/04/2011 08:04

What Hecate and Fliss said. I wouldn't be putting up with this nonsense from either MIL or dh. Thankfully my mil isn't in to the cleaning thing to exert her dominance but she had tried other things in the past. The key has been me being firm, dh and I having joint boundaries and us being on same page. MIL and I get on great now once she accepted these things! In your case, I would be very cross with dh for his response text!

2rebecca · 17/04/2011 10:09

Are you just newly married or something? It sounds as though she loves her son but hasn't worked out her role as mother hen is no longer needed.
It does sound as though when he's better you and your husband will need to agree boundaries with her to stop her taking over your house and lives.

JaneS · 17/04/2011 11:14

I think you either need to tackle this by having a word to her now, or you need (and I couldn't, I'm not that patient!) to accept you'll put this beside you until your DP is better. You sound really stressed and in this situation, every little thing she does will push your buttons.

SusanneLinder · 17/04/2011 13:12

Can I borrow her? I am a messy person too :)

Seriously,if she was coming to actually help rather than criticise then I would have said YABU, but due to text she sent.......well.

Wamster · 17/04/2011 14:00

Oh dear, sorry in advance for amateur psychology, but is your dp's dad still around? I ask because there is no way of knowing. If he is still around, is he a bit of a doormat? Sounds to me like you've got a classic mummy's boy here.
Your dp really does need to take a stance on your behalf when he is better. She needs putting in her place, and her place is now 2nd to your place in his affections. Doesn't mean to say she is not loved or wanted, but you must now come first. Leave and cleave as the wedding vows say.

Wamster · 17/04/2011 14:01

I think anybody who NOW says that YABU is totally and obviously wrong, by the way.

NinkyNonker · 17/04/2011 14:20

"She'll learn"?! Shock I assume he was joking!

starfishmummy · 17/04/2011 18:24

I would hate this. Offering to help is one thing but barging in like this and then grumbling to her son is unacceptable.

northerngirl41 · 17/04/2011 19:15

I removed the keys from my mother when I came in to a freshly painted bathroom because, and I quote, "I didn't like that colour at all". Never mind it's not her bloody bathroom and no one is forcing her to come over here!

It's utterly horrific to have people barging into your home and fiddling with things, no matter how well intentioned. YADNBU.

Tell DH that he needs to deal with his mother and make sure she doesn't do this again. If he's that bothered by the state of the house then either he has to clean or he needs to hire a cleaning lady but allowing his mother in to poke about your house and criticise you is absolutely unacceptable.

aliceliddell · 17/04/2011 19:48

ooh, Northerngirl! Redecorated the bloody bathroom!!!That's gotta be the winner. Unless I missed any..... (not paying enough attention) Did you make her paint it back again?

northerngirl41 · 17/04/2011 20:16

aliceliddell Oh no - she was not coming into the house unaccompanied again!!! She doesn't even get a spare set of keys to feed the pets or as an emergency - just too risky.

Not the first time she's done this, as she rearranged my sister's living room furniture ("It looks so much better this way round!"), broken the windows in a rented flat despite being told not to touch them because they were defective ("It's so stuffy - and it's their fault for not having proper windows") and also the lighting for a family friend's wedding once (she spent £350 on lights which no one wanted or used). She just can't leave things be or understand that despite being my mum, I'm an adult and do actually know what's best for me.

She means well. That's about the kindest thing I can say about it.

Original poster
crazychic141187 · 17/04/2011 21:51

wamster No his dad isnt around. Never has been so his is a mummys boy in some ways but he likes to assert his independence and he is coming to terms with that fact that she has really annoyed me!

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 17/04/2011 22:23

Mm, yes, totally understandable that you are furious.
But do you think coming round and cleaning might be an expression of how worried she is about her son? feeling helpless and needing to do something?
I'd let it go unless she makes a habit of it.

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