kids going to school hungry and tired

[dearyme]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-13081777

is this poor parenting or real poverty - or a mixture of both?

More than three-quarters of 627 primary, secondary and college teachers in England, Wales and Northern Ireland who responded to the survey believed they taught pupils living in poverty.

Of those, 80% said students came to school tired, 73% said they arrived hungry and 67% said they wore worn-out clothes or lacked the proper uniform.

Rowan absoluetly, though I doubt anyone seeing us out realises that ds1's nasty clothes are down to an issue and not something else. Youd'd be amazed how many people think they are kind and don;t judge until they do (thinking about the devout Christioan at school who preaches kindness all day until autistic ds3 accidentally kncoked her and then was all in with the 'control your child' crap- he only stumbled).

The HS I worked for was in a deprived area and had to close; I know of toehrs in similar areas that faced the same. Part of teh reason why handing some of these issues to Big Society scares me: if we coudln;t get the volunteers then...?

Binbag lady would probably be fairly easy to help; you'd want her to see a MH specilaist for counselling / scareening and then put in family support (a HS vollie would be perfect) to explain, coach, and then usually people like this have managed to make themselves quite isolated so getting them out and making friends 9we used to run family groups for this) is a big key. How do you know society's expectations if you were raised the same way (maybe worse) and never leave your sofa?

Of course, people talked about pride and it is a key: but I know as many people struggling who refuse help through pride. Usually people who are educated / maybe carers or made redundant, struggling to manage the system yet getting nowhere. Also not being abole to ask for help is common, indeed expected, in certain disorders that would predispose someone towards getting in a mess. Depressions, AS etc. Pride is a double edged sword.

it's not going to get better though. I looked into SW training; they now ask for 6 months unpaid experience locally, full time.. You won't get experienced adults with that, there was no way I could cover it for certain. I've found a route I much prefer anyway (am doing a day a week unpiad at a local SEN class, want to train for that) but a lot of people are being prevented who could offer a lot.

Intresting poncy. Persoanlity disorder then I wonder? usually (if not always) incurable.

Technically you could get in a vollie to help bath kids and launder vclothes- theya re expected to do 4 hours a week so if you found someone who could do 2 X 2 you'd be sorted; just such a shortage though.

Sometimes it's chronic and uncurable. A friend of mine has schizo-affective disorder. Her son is cared for by relatives now while she lives in supported housing. Used to have her own flat with her son. Loves her son and hates herself for not being a "proper mum". Not cured her illness though even with medication and support. Wouldn't cope however hard she and the mental health team tried.

The answer is ongoing support or care. You can't expect them to pull themselves together if they are ill. Motivational issues are a big part of schizophrenia and mood disorders. Self-neglect would be in indicator of an illness like this and unfortunatley children can get neglected too.

Sometimes personality disorders can be managed, rarely cured (never IME but I know people on hre who have claimed to be so who knows- would be nice).

We worked with couple with LD and managed to teach them how toc are for their kids quite efectively, but it was intensive, expensive and the absolute crux is motivation. Without motivation you can do lirle and it becomes a management issue; whether you can support teh family to be just good enough or have to bring in crisis intervention.

Gooseberry, I was careful to say , "Poverty can lead to poor parenting which can lead to...". That's different from does or will but the two can be linked in a cycle of deprivation which can become hard to escape from without opportunities whether they be economic, geographic or educational.

Lesley33, I know that it's possible to wash and try clothes in a damp home but I get a good night's sleep most nights, have sufficient food to eat, don't need to worry about loan sharks/Police at my door, have a bed to sleep in, electricity, gas and my children have more than their school clothes to wear. The families I was writing about genuinely aren't able to find alternative clothes for their children to wear whilst some are being washed :(

Alouiseg, you said:

Perhaps the answer is just to remove children and benefits from those who choose fags over Jonnys breakfast. The child gets placed with a family who are interested in his needs, the taxpayer stops paying Waynetta to sit on her arse, and hopefully injects her with depo provera to prevent anymore Jonnys being neglected.

The thing is Jonny loves Waynetta and Waynetta probably loves him. You would be penalising Jonny for Waynetta's inadequacies.

That argument holds no water.
Children almost always love their abusers in a family, too.

If you love someone you don't put your own needs before theirs.

Once you become a parent you cease to be the picture and become the frame instead.

The key is to try to reduce the number of children being born into these homes in the first place and one way to do that is to make having more children less financially attractive.

If you work and have children you don;t see your salary rise so exactly the same should apply with benefits.

I must look like a neglectful mum to DS1 12yrs, I end up in a battle almost daily with him to get him to shower/wash/brush teeth etc. He has pulled the hems down on his trousers, his blazer looks like it is 5th hand - despite being bought in September, his shoes are scuffed and laces shredded, I have lost count of the times I have ended up throwing his breakfast out once he has gone to school, he rarely sleeps before midnight.He has AS so it can be bloody hard.

I am shattered so can imagine he is too.

DS2 on the other hand is a clean freak at the age of 3. And a brilliant eater, I probably look like I let him eat rubbish because he is big for his age. In fact the dr said yesterday they would monitor his weight and decide what to do.

But I am doing my best, they have home cooked meals, clean clothes etc and are well cared for.