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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give their puppy away?

84 replies

FairhairedandFrustrated · 14/04/2011 17:51

Hear me out - I am not a cruel mother!

My sister's dog had puppies and my brother in law give dd & ds one.

We already had a 3 year old dog who we love to bits and is part of our family.

The deal when we let the children accept the pup, was that they would take responsibility towards house training her and taking her out for walks/runs etc...

We've had her 2 months now, I work 2 jobs (one which allows me to be at home in the afternoons but a very early morning start) so ideally the children should be taking the pup out for a wee/poo during the time I'm sorting breakfast, childminder clothes etc etc...

But they won't. The poor dog cries to be let out and if I let her out she disappears if no-one is with her. We live on a farm and as she's part terrier I worry about her chasing sheep... our other dog is a labrador and very good at ignoring the sheep.

The pup isn't anywhere near house trained (partly my & dhs fault as we're like ships that pass in the night) the older dog more or less looks after herself, the younger pup needs a lot more time than we have to give her.

After a stonking rown with dd (9) and ds (6) I asked did they think it was fair for the pup to have so little attention? They were arguing over which one would take her out & stay out with her (neither wanted to) and by the time dd got up to do it, the pup had pooed and wee'd in the utility room :(

I don't think it's fair, she does deserve to be with other people who have the time for her... how can I make the children see that though without coming across as cruel?

It's all very well in hindsight that we should have said no, but at the time we thought, oh well, we have one dog, what difference will another one make? But the answer is, a hell of a lot.

I have told dd & ds to think about what they want, que dd stropping and saying if we get rid of the pup she will run away.

Go easy on me, I probably am a bit unreasonable, but I thought we could cope and now I see we probably can't.

OP posts:
hardhatdonned · 14/04/2011 17:52

If you can't look after it give it up. The dog deserves a better home (not saying you're not a good owner just you don't have the time to put into this particular dog).

RJRabbit · 14/04/2011 17:54

YANBU. You are right to give the puppy away and your children need to learn that lesson.

rebl · 14/04/2011 17:54

YANBU. You can't give it the time it needs. It clearly needs to be with someone who is there most of the time.

DELHI · 14/04/2011 17:54

Find a new home for the pup while it's still young - you just don't have the time it needs and deserves. Seems the kindest thing for the pup, and the kids have to learn that animals are not toys. A hard lesson maybe, but I don't see any alternative.

worraliberty · 14/04/2011 17:55

Sorry I can't go easy on you

It was pathetically stupid to expect a 9yr old and a 6yr old to look after and train a puppy.

If you and your DH wanted it and had the time to look after it, then it would be fine to slowly get the kids used to the responsibility.

As it is, I feel really sorry for your kids as well as the poor puppy.

TheVisitor · 14/04/2011 17:55

Your children are too young for the responsibility of a puppy, so yes, definitely rehome it.

fluffyanimal · 14/04/2011 17:57

You have to be the adult here. Explain to the children that you made a bad decision and you are sorry you didn't think it through properly, but that you are not giving the puppy the care it needs and it should be rehomed. You may have to be quite humble that sometimes grown-ups get it wrong - but that being grown up means you have to deal with your mistakes, even if that is hard and sad.

You could always try an ultimatum first - two weeks in which to show they can look after the dog properly, otherwise it goes. But to be honest I think they are still a bit young to take on the responsibility.

Original poster
FairhairedandFrustrated · 14/04/2011 17:57

Worraliberty, no need to feel sorry for my kids.

Everyone else, thankyou, yes, it does need to be rehomed. And will be as soon as I can find someone suitable.

My mum in law said she may take her, which would mean the kids will still see her.

OP posts:
fuzzysnout · 14/04/2011 17:58

You are quite right to give it up. The poor dog deserves a better home than you are able to give at the moment. However YABVU to expect a 9 and 6 year old to take responsibility for the dog - you must have realised that they would be unable to sustain this. What's more you are being EXTREMELY unreasonable to let the poor pup suffer & get to the stage of poking on the floor whilst you wait for DC to sort it out.

fuzzysnout · 14/04/2011 17:59

Oops - poking = pooing !!!

worraliberty · 14/04/2011 18:00

Well I do feel sorry for them. They are far too young imo to be given a responsibility like that and now they have to (quite rightly) lose their puppy because of it.

Sorry but you should have seen that one coming and not allowed them to be in this position in the first place.

Re-home it now while it still stands a chance of getting a good home.

FAB5 · 14/04/2011 18:00

YANBU to give her away but you ought to have known your children would not have taken responsibility for the dog.

ThatVikRinA22 · 14/04/2011 18:01

i was expecting you to say your kids were 12 and 15 or something...not 9 and 6!!

did you really think that a 6 year old can be responsible for a new dog with the only help coming from a 9 year old?

madness. you shouldnt have allowed them to have it in the first place if you - the adults - couldnt take the responsibility.!

this is going to hurt your kids id say, but yes rehome it.

alarkaspree · 14/04/2011 18:02

I think you need to rehome it but I do feel the mistake was more yours than your children's. They wouldn't have understood that a puppy was going to be a lot more demanding than the dog you have already, so they weren't really qualified to make the decision to take it on.

So you should rehome it but don't have rows with your dc about it, explain it when you are feeling very calm. Otherwise they will think you gave their puppy away as a punishment.

Goblinchild · 14/04/2011 18:04

'It's all very well in hindsight that we should have said no, but at the time we thought, oh well, we have one dog, what difference will another one make? But the answer is, a hell of a lot.'

If you, as adults hadn't got much of a clue, how did you expect your children to? Rehome the dog, the mistake was yours.

goodbyemrschips · 14/04/2011 18:05

You made the error, your children are far too young for the responsibility.

Give the pup a better life somewhere else.

Original poster
FairhairedandFrustrated · 14/04/2011 18:05

I agree.

It's not the children's fault.

None of us have time for the pup, I didn't think it through.

OP posts:
bananasinpjamas · 14/04/2011 18:07

Don't rely on the kids to do the owning, you are the adult here.

However, having said that, I have a near 13 yo labby that has been 'mine' from age 8 and I have:

  • Done every single training course (not just puppy classes, but 5 different ones and took the canine good citizen test, advanced obedience, agility, htm wtc)
  • Feed him
  • Walk him, bar last thing at night
  • I'm the one that talks to the vet about any treatment/jabs/ops and side effects/whether to go through with it
  • Have attended every appt
  • Bath him (admidditly when I was younger had help from dad)
  • Showed him
  • Interrogated vet on every op he has had.
  • Still come home from uni if he needs looking after
  • Brought him leads, beds, training equiptment, bowels, treats, toys (parents buy food/insurance etc)
  • Adminster meds to him (have included hand feeding, syringes and eye drops)
  • Handle him at vets
  • Perform full body exam whenever I go home to make sure hasn't got any extra lumps/bumps
  • Make sure these bumps are checked every year by a vet even if they don't change
  • Slept downstairs with him after an op
  • Buy him christmas/bday pressies :)
peeriebear · 14/04/2011 18:07

My eldest DD is 9 and I wouldn't leave a tamagotchi in her care let alone a pup- she's too young for the responsibility IMO. I think while it's still young find it a loving home- if MIL will take it, so much the better :) don't feel too bad, we all jump feet first sometimes. (I did with my rescue dog).

ShirleyKnotThroneOfJudgement · 14/04/2011 18:08

9 and 6 is very young to understand what it really means to look after a puppy.

Are there no adjustments that can be made to integrate the pup into the home? Aw I think this is sad. Poor pup, poor kids, poor you.

GiselleS · 14/04/2011 18:10

People like you make me really angry.

Poor puppy. Please don't get any other animals in the future.

You are the adult and should have known better.

Birdsgottafly · 14/04/2011 18:10

They are to young to take responsibility. If you and your DH do not want another dog and all that the puppy stage entails then rehome her while she is still young enough to settle elsewhere. Every young child wants a puppy so it is unfair to ask your DC's their opinion.

Birdsgottafly · 14/04/2011 18:11

Also do not make your children feel guilty for the pup having to rehomed, they are to young to have been put in that position in the first place.

BalloonSlayer · 14/04/2011 18:11

"They are far too young imo to be given a responsibility like that and now they have to (quite rightly) lose their puppy because of it."

How responsible do you need to be to take your puppy out to the garden so it can do its business when reminded to do so by your parent?

The DCs are not being expected to know when the dog needs to go out, but to take it out when the OP asks them to, the OP having done the assessment of the animal's needs. If they refuse, if they really can't do that smallest of things for a fellow creature, then tough, they will have to lose their puppy.

(Not trying to be unkind about your DCs btw, OP. Mine would be the same, and they are older. We don't have any pets because I consider I have enough to do with looking after 3 DCs. They have said "But WE'LL look after them" and I remind them that they cannot even keep their own rooms tidy, so there is no chance they are being put in charge of a living thing.)

emptyshell · 14/04/2011 18:11

Anyone with a braincell knows that the promises of a small child to do all the grotty bits of pet ownership have a slim chance of being kept when it's cold, wet and there's something on the telly.

Poor dog's not being trained, not being looked after and now the shiny newness is wearing off - he's going to be chucked away like a piece of rubbish. Hopefully you ALL learn that animals aren't just disposable commodities to be picked up on a whim and tossed aside when they become a tad inconvenient or hard work.

You were unreasonable to get the puppy in the first place, and if you're planning just to "give the puppy away" without bothering to make sure it's getting homed reputably - you're being worse than unreasonable. The dog deserves better than you.