Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give their puppy away?

84 replies

FairhairedandFrustrated · 14/04/2011 17:51

Hear me out - I am not a cruel mother!

My sister's dog had puppies and my brother in law give dd & ds one.

We already had a 3 year old dog who we love to bits and is part of our family.

The deal when we let the children accept the pup, was that they would take responsibility towards house training her and taking her out for walks/runs etc...

We've had her 2 months now, I work 2 jobs (one which allows me to be at home in the afternoons but a very early morning start) so ideally the children should be taking the pup out for a wee/poo during the time I'm sorting breakfast, childminder clothes etc etc...

But they won't. The poor dog cries to be let out and if I let her out she disappears if no-one is with her. We live on a farm and as she's part terrier I worry about her chasing sheep... our other dog is a labrador and very good at ignoring the sheep.

The pup isn't anywhere near house trained (partly my & dhs fault as we're like ships that pass in the night) the older dog more or less looks after herself, the younger pup needs a lot more time than we have to give her.

After a stonking rown with dd (9) and ds (6) I asked did they think it was fair for the pup to have so little attention? They were arguing over which one would take her out & stay out with her (neither wanted to) and by the time dd got up to do it, the pup had pooed and wee'd in the utility room :(

I don't think it's fair, she does deserve to be with other people who have the time for her... how can I make the children see that though without coming across as cruel?

It's all very well in hindsight that we should have said no, but at the time we thought, oh well, we have one dog, what difference will another one make? But the answer is, a hell of a lot.

I have told dd & ds to think about what they want, que dd stropping and saying if we get rid of the pup she will run away.

Go easy on me, I probably am a bit unreasonable, but I thought we could cope and now I see we probably can't.

OP posts:
ILoveYouToo · 14/04/2011 18:12

Where's Valhalla when you need her... Grin

YABVVU to have brought another life into your household without having the time or resources to look after it properly, and expecting a 9 & 6 year old to take care of housetraining, feeding, socialising and exercising a dog. Your sister doesn't sound wildly responsible either, tbh; letting your dog have puppies (unless it is an outstanding example of its breed, and you've done all the genetic and health testing recommended by the KC) is just adding to the amount of dogs liable to end up in pounds and shelters, or passed from home to home like yours is going to be.

And yes I feel sorry for your kids too, because you've given them a huge amount of responsibility, set them up to fail, and now you're going to give their puppy away!

peeriebear · 14/04/2011 18:13

How do you know they are not 'bothering to make sure it's homed reputably'? Jeez, wind your neck in.

jellybeansontoast · 14/04/2011 18:14

I got a puppy when I was ten. I walked it, fed it, groomed it etc. My mother helped me with the house-training, but I cleaned up after it, stood in the pissing rain whilst it peed.

I had parental input, but it wasn't rocket science. I don't think 9 is too young to take the dog outside to wee! I think they need support, and you need to draw up a rota as to who does what when - it sounds like you're all a bit too disorganised for this to work at the moment.

AllTheYoungDoods · 14/04/2011 18:14

When you say you live on a farm, do you yourself have livestock?

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 18:14

You would have time for this dog if you made time. You cant expect children to be able to responsibly train a puppy.

Make a run for him, rather than letting him roam free.

Put him in the run in a morning while you make the breakfast etc.

Then bring him in, and when you get home from work, do the training.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/04/2011 18:15

YANBU.

I don't think the OP deserves a flaming though.

SoupDragon · 14/04/2011 18:16

What a horrible thing to do to your children. Expecting them to look after a puppy and then taking it away when, of course, they don't is really horrible. The right thing for the poor puppy but horrible for your children.

When we got ours, the children all promised to look after him. I disregarded this and went into it knowing it would be me doing it all with occasional input from them. And dear god it's been tough - I wouldn't expect a child to be able to manage.

Bit0fFunnyBunny · 14/04/2011 18:18

Some people are being very harsh here. OP made a mistake, but I'm sure the family love the puppy- they just aren't giving it the time and focus it needs. That is hardly equivalent to flaying the thing alive and eating its entrails. If the difficult decision to rehome it is taken, I am sure the OP will do it with as much care as possible.

Tuggy · 14/04/2011 18:24

Wow. It was incredibly stupid and irresponsible to expect a 9yr old and a 6yr old to look after and train a puppy.

Original poster
FairhairedandFrustrated · 14/04/2011 18:25

I thought I was able for this, but I'm not.

I already feel like shit. I sort of wanted reassurance that I was doing the right thing.

Thanks for the comments.

Just to clarify, I wasn't leaving sole responsibility to the children, I bath the pup, she has had her jabs, been wormed, etc, cared for properly, it's just when I ask them to take her out for her toilet (ie: when im making breakfast and dinner) I take her out myself in the middle of the day when they're at school.

I haven't made the children feel guilty, have asked them to think about what's best for the pup.

The dog is not being mistreated, she's being well looked after, we're not cruel pet owner, so I'm unsure what some of you are thinking.

Thanks for your comments, harsh as some of them are, and as hurtful as they may be, I know what needs to be done and I do know whose fault it is.

OP posts:
Lilyloo · 14/04/2011 18:27

It is i am afraid a typical excuse of many irresponsible owners who take on puppys then realise they can't cope.
It was too much to ask of your kids and it is a shame for the poor dog who will hopefully find a home that he is deserving of.

HeadfirstForHalos · 14/04/2011 18:27

YABVU, and I too feel sorry for your kids- you let them have a gorgeous little puppy dependant on conditions that they are too young to keep! You must have known they couldn't be responsible for the dog.

So yes, rehome the dog, but expect the kids to be upset (and rightly so)

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 14/04/2011 18:33

Jeez, the flaming the OP is getting here is fucking ridiculous.

Of course a 6 and a 9 yo can be trusted - with nudges and reminders - to take a puppy outside each morning/evening!

Goblinchild · 14/04/2011 18:45

Op you are doing the right thing, but you need to sit down and talk as a family about why it's the right thing.

GiddyPickle · 14/04/2011 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

activate · 14/04/2011 18:50

9 and 6 is plenty old enough to take responsibility for taking the dog out - and as I've read the OP it seems they are being prompted

so yes - 1 last chance kids or the dog goes because it's not fair on her.

So one more argument about taking the dog out and we're finding another home - here's a pen and paper, work out a rota and stick to it - there will be no more warnings

Itsjustafleshwound · 14/04/2011 18:51

I assume that living on a farm makes owning a pet a very different prospect to children in town and personally, I don't think it is too much to ask for your children to look out for the pet.

Unfortunately it just hasn't worked for you and you rightly want to get the dog rehomed.

YANBU - good luck and I hope you find him something suitable soon.

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/04/2011 18:52

OP, I'm sorry you're taking such a kicking from so many posters, some of whom appear to have sucked a lemon before coming to their keyboards. Many 9 and 6 year olds would be perfectly capable and willing to take a puppy out, and I'm a bit Hmm at those who insist that of course it's too much responsibility yadda yadda.

You sound very responsible to me, and you are doing the right thing in rehoming the puppy. Your children still have the dog to play with and should your MIL take the pup they will still see it.

Ignore the lemon suckers. They do seem to be on the increase lately.

Vallhala · 14/04/2011 18:53

OK, good, you now know you were bloody wrong to take on a pup and not want him and be willing to care for him 100% yourself.

I agree with the comment that your SIL is bloody irresponsible too, for breeding a pup when there are so many already in need of homes who are needlessly dying week in, week out.

Are you being unkind to your DC by rehoming him? No. But you must put your hands up to a horrendous error of judgement and make it clear that this should never have happened and that dogs are never disposable items. On that front I would urge you to keep the pup... there is no good reason why you shouldn't and as you say you are not novice owners, you're not seriously ill/losing your home or whatever, and IMHO you owe it to the pup to give him what he needs. After all, I bet your kids are bloody hard work and some of that came as a shock to you, but you wouldn't rehome them, would you?

Would you????

The puppy stage won't last forever and you've already fucked up enough without adding to it by getting rid of him because he's just a baby with greater needs (temporarily) than your older dog. (And I speak as the lone parent of 2 children and 3 large dogs so I do know what I'm talking about!).

I'm also a rescuer and I really do know what I'm talking about there too (and am going remarkably easy on you!). If you rehome the pup you can either:

A. Home privately without being able to homecheck, guarantee to take the pup back if in 10 years time the new owner doesn't want him, can't keep him or if they abuse him, unlike a decent rescue who will do that and loads more to safeguard his welfare OR

B. Send him to rescue, which is great as they will make sure he gets a good home and can take him back at any point in the future and so on... but which will mean that he takes up a space in that rescue which a pound dog would have been offered and now that pound dog will have nowhere to go and WILL die in the pound as a result.

Because, you see, some people aren't very responsible about their dogs. they take them on then abandon them to the streets or into rescue when they become inconvenient, leaving poor buggers like me to pick up the pieces if the dogs are lucky and rescue gets to them before the vet's needle.

And in some cases it would be so much better for the dog if the owners accepted their responsibilities, acknowledged that most, if not all, the things which were making demands on their time and energy were not going to be forever and didn't punish the poor dog for their cock-ups....

Oh... and one final thing. If he's going to escape over farmland and your land is unfenced, take him out there on a lead - an extendable one or a horse lead will do the trick!

ShirleyKnotThroneOfJudgement · 14/04/2011 18:53

OP - maybe once you've spoken to the children and told them that when you say 'take the dog out' or 'feed the dog' or whatever and you tell them that you MEAN it and they've got 2 weeks to buck up a bit or the pup will have to go and live somewhere else....maybe they'll get into the habit.

I hope that this happens for you all.

Olivetti · 14/04/2011 18:54

Could people be any more nasty or self-righteous?!

OP - I think you've made the right decision regarding then puppy. As far as your DCs are concerned, it's a shame, but it's a life lesson. The 9 year old could have looked after it with guidance from you. I'm not criticising the 9 year old, it's just something that hasn't worked out - I'm just trying to say that I completely understand how you got where you are. Good luck with getting it all sorted out.

Bit0fFunnyBunny · 14/04/2011 18:58

I have to agree with Valhalla actually that there is no reason why this couldnt still work out with some effort from all of you. Good luck with ,along the right decision.

Bit0fFunnyBunny · 14/04/2011 18:59

*making

dearyme · 14/04/2011 19:01

having a puppy is akin to having a new baby

would you expect a 9 & 6 year old to care for a new baby

feel sorry for the poor animal, its only a baby it needs love and attention

piratecat · 14/04/2011 19:01

the kids will be upset, it's your responsibility not theirs tho.