To put DD in a nursery even though I am SAHM?

[CJ2010]

It would just be for a couple of sessions a week, not full time. I have a few reasons as to why I want to do this -DD is getting bored at home even though I spend lots of time playing with her, the mum and toddler grps local to me are full up with a waiting list and tbh I don't really want to go to one. I would also like to crack on with my housework and get it all done in one go.

I feel so guilty though. My family are very anti nurseries and I never thought I would end up considering Nursery care, but as I am currently heavily pregnant I could do with a couple of mornings a week to just be able to get on with housework and chores.

Do your DC's enjoy nursery? Do you think they benefit socially from it? DD is 15 months.

Don't know why I can't formulate my thought's into one post, but...
At 15 months (when DS2 started) I found that the most noticeable benefit was that DS had to make himself understood by people who were not familiar with his own special brand of toddler talk, so his language skills improved amazingly.

I'm a SAHM kinda too and i just put my DS who is 2.3yrs into a private nursery for 2hrs, 2 days a week, so 4 hours in total pw and i have to say he loves it, he was there this morning and he was telling me how he listened to storytime and learned to hop like the easter bunny ..i feel it benefits him as he is an only child and not only that but he only has one cousin who is only 4 months so no-one really his age to play with, i hated the mother and toddler groups here, and he didn't enjoy it either, this he loves! He gets time with other kids and time away from mummy! Oo and he likes to catch every bug going

Do it. I send my 16mo DS to a fabulous nursery 4 days a week, while I work. He started at 13mo and settled amazingly well. ILs don't like it, but it's none of their business. DS loves it and is a happy, well adjusted child who isn't in the slightest bit clingy. He doesn't even notice DH once he's been dropped off.

There is no way I have the imagination or inclination or natural child rearing ability to do the things with DS that he gets up to at nursery. Two paintings a week, messy play, crawling round outside in an all in one suit? Never going to happen at home.

Another one saying go for it!
My dd has been attending a nursery pt since September (she turned 2 in Jan). I did it initially because I found a pt job, but the hours are not reliable and if I have not got any work for a couple of weeks I try and put her in for a morning or two during that time, and I have the time at home.
I get time to do jobs that i find it really hard to do with her around (like deep cleaning the oven - not something I want her help with, and it's not easy to get it done when I have to wash my hands every thirty seconds to go and see what she's done now!). And having recently moved, it's useful to have the time to get on with a bit of decorating or sorting the next box of stuff out.
Dd gets to do things I hadn't thought of and gets to interact with other adults and kids. I'd not long moved to the area when she started going and I knew next to no-one - I had found one toddler group but that was it so nursery was her main chance to mix with other kids her age. The first two or three times were hard as we'd spent a lot of time exclusively in each others company. She screamed and I cried (although only on my own once I'd managed to leave her) but now she tells me that 'nursery great fun' and can't wait to get there. And she's even learning to share!!!

I don't think there is any actual benefit for a 15 month old to be in nursery. They don't socialize and aren't ready for structured activities. In fact they are probably more likely to be bitten by the other children and pick up germs from them than have meaningful interactions.

But she will probably be ok and it sounds like it will be helpful for you - I just can't stand all this talk about how beneficial it is for tiny children.

of course a 15mth can socialise and interact with staff and other carers.enjoy the milieu, the attention, and new faces. humans are social beings.do thid and dont worry

tryingtoleave Fri 15-Apr-11 08:29:12
I don't think there is any actual benefit for a 15 month old to be in nursery. They don't socialize and aren't ready for structured activities. In fact they are probably more likely to be bitten by the other children and pick up germs from them than have meaningful interactions.

But she will probably be ok and it sounds like it will be helpful for you - I just can't stand all this talk about how beneficial it is for tiny children.

It very much depends on the child. For some children it does seem to be beneficial. For others it might not. You can't generalise.

My son and his little friend have been in nursery since around 6 months - they are now 20 months. They certainly do socialise - with each other, and with other children there. They run to each other and hug and say their versions of each other's names with great excitement and then pull each other off to play with something. They also co-operate - carrying a heavy toy between them or calling the other one to help them with something. They seem to have conversations with each other, although no-one else can understand them. They will also play with the other children - I have arrived and seen DS "talking" animatedly to other children and giving them toys, or following older children around watching what they do.

DS knows the names of many of the children who have been there with hi m from the start - if I say 'we are going to see C or J' he will say "yaaay" and clap his hands.

If this isn't socialising, or meaningful interaction, I don't know what it is. It won't turn out this way in every case - there is one little boy there who still won't play with other children after over a year. He follows the staff around quite contentedly, but he has no interest in interracting with other children.

I am not saying that only nursery can bring these experiences, but nursery is certainly capable of providing them. It depends how important you think these kind of social experiences are - having seen the effect on DS I personally think they are important. Others might disagree, particularly if they are seeing the benefits of one-to-one mum attention on a daily basis. Every child is different. Every family is different.

OP - give it a go and see how you get on. You might find that she loves it, you might not. No harm trying.

Don't you just hate it when you type a long response and someone gets in first and says it in 2 sentences?

To quote sm - [harumphy face]

At the same stage I got a cleaner for 3-4 hours a week to do the housework, doing housework when heavily pregnant is not fun. My DD went to pre-school at age 2 when pregnant with DS, she settled quickly but I don't think she really enjoyed it until she was 2.5 years old. DS is not going until he is 2.5 although I'd love him to go now, he just isn't ready - not interested in other kids, very attached to mummy, pretty good verbally but still not good enough to feel like other adults will have a clue what he means! I have no family help and going slightly insane being a SAHM. It is hard. If nursery is what you think is the right solution for your child then go for it, its up to the individual child and parent.

Yes, 15 month olds can have great conversations and involved games . At that age they parallel play and would rather be out and about with their mum. A child who is bored at home is not likely to be less bored where she isn't getting any individual attention.

Fwiw, my dd was in child care at 19 months for two days because I had little choice and it was the best compromise. I'm not kidding myself that I did her any favours.

But your experience isn't everyone's experience. I made it clear in my post that I am not saying "nursery is great for everyone - this is what will happen if you send your child there and you can't have this experience in any other situation".

Regarding my own son, it's not parallel play - it is co-operative, interactive play. Believe me, my friend and I have watched it developing and been surprised.

It might have been a compromise for you - for others it might be a great experience. I wouldn't dream of interpreting your experience for you - you are the one who knows your child and sees how it worked out for you. Same for me and for others.

I've worked in nurseries, and to be honest I don't think it's beneficial to the under-2s - a good nursery can be a safe and happy environment, and it won't damage them (though long hours can't be great for little babies) but I don't think they gain a huge amount from it.

The nearer the children get to 3, the more they definitely get something from the experience - they are more interested in playing with the other children than seeking adult attention. Though even at 3 some don't do well in a nursery setting.

And that's in a good nursery - I've worked in a pretty shoddy nursery too and I think it was damaging for the babies and younger children.

But my 8 month old does two sessions at a nursery - it's an outstanding setting and I have no doubts about the level of care, he's happy, safe, stimulated etc. I'm sure he'd rather be at home with me though, even on my most boring day!

by 15mth socialise yes
recognition of staff, other children
pleasure and enjoyment
spontaneous laughter
stimulus and participation

Its great nursery worked for so many of you. Absolute disaster for us. I sent DD1 for a few sessions at 2 when I was heavily pregnant and she hated it. Screamed, cried, hit herself . My biggest regret is sticking with it for a few months because I listened to the "nursery is marvellous" crowd. Binned it then she started a small structured pre school at 3 with not one tear. She started school (one of youngest in her year) beautifully again not one tear and has always enjoyed it. So if it works for your child great but think the preparation for school argument not necessarily right.

Actually I was made to feel rather inadequate for NOT sending my child to nursery (she wouldnt be learning French at 2 or baby yoga )and found that rather annoying as would never have presumed to criticise anyone elses choice. But then I was living in super competitive central London .

Actually I was made to feel rather inadequate for NOT sending my child to nursery (she wouldnt be learning French at 2 or baby yoga )and found that rather annoying as would never have presumed to criticise anyone elses choice. But then I was living in super competitive central London .

Don't worry - DS has never been offered French or baby yoga! I think the nursery staff would laugh a lot if anyone asked if it was offered!

Also bigger groups (8+ children) especially in small rooms, are very high-stress environments for small children.

baby yoga - yes!
some french apeaking staff -yes!
my dc went to nursery from 6mth full time.had place booked 12wk pg

Thing is you can try it - and if it does not work for you or your DC you can stop and try something else.

I wanted to put DD1 in at 2 -it was a manic time for us and I had a baby as well. My family were against it as was my HV - DH mentioned it to her. The HV used to turn up at my door unannounced and be disappointed and very surprised I was 'coping' so god knows what her beef was. My family were not offering help either.

DD1 did not suffer - I took her out a lot to groups so she got the socialisation that way. I did start her at 2 and half as the Nursery she was to attend had a play group attached. She loved it and it gave me some time with the baby and a little desperately need thinking time. I coped but I could over enjoyed those 6 months a lot more and been just that little less stressed and exhausted.

By time second DC was in at same age - family view had changed completely on childcare thanks to other family members and friends and I was then in the wrong for waiting till second DC was nearly three before starting him anywhere.

It did not help the older two DC settle at Nursery - that still took a long time. Do not worry about your family OP - but have a look at what all your options are and think about your DC personality and do what is best for you and ignore everyone else.

I know loads and loads of SATM who put their children - especially once they get to 2+, into a nursery for 2 or 3 mornings a week. It is for the child's benefit and the mum's. The child needs more stimulation and 'messy' activities. At nursery the messy play is all 'out' on tables and the child can go from one to the other to his/her hearts content. They get to play and make friends on their own - a key life skill.

Don't feel guilty. Feel fortunate that you can afford to do it!

I've just started sending my 2yo. 3 hours, 2 mornings a week. I'm also heavily pregnant and those two mornings are a godsend. I'm a SAHM.

He loves it and I've already noticed a difference in his speech, I think it's great that he has time away from me.

I also have a cleaner so I don't even have to spend that time doing housework.

Like Kerala, my ds started preschool at three with no problems, no separation anxiety and no illness. Settling my dd in has been much more stressful. She is 28 months now, she talks about other children and plays but I still don't think she needs that.

I work in a nursery and I would put my child in nursery if I was in your position. I sent my daughter to a nursery at 4 months as I believe nurseries (that I know) are great places to be. At 1 she started at a nursery I worked at and I get to see how great it is for her and the other children.

I think its good for parents to have a break makes you more calm, and enjoy them more. Go for it.

I had an argument with my Mum this morning, about this very issue.

I said in my original post that my family were very against it. Mum phoned me from work this morning, just to check in and I was having a very busy and stressful morning with DD. I mentioned again, my idea of putting her in Nursery for two sessions a week and Mum said all condescendingly, 'Well, if you can't cope now, how will you ever cope with two kids?' I started crying on the phone and ended up putting the phone down on her.

I am so fed up of being judged by the those who supposedly have my best interests at heart. Poor DP, he is wonderful but works really long hours, he phoned me up at lunchtime and I was still upset. So, he is now prob having a rotten aftn, worrying about what has gone on today.

Sorry, but what has it got to do with your Mum?

You don´t need her permission to do what you think is best for you and your child.

Why are you even discussing it with her?