To put DD in a nursery even though I am SAHM?

[CJ2010]

It would just be for a couple of sessions a week, not full time. I have a few reasons as to why I want to do this -DD is getting bored at home even though I spend lots of time playing with her, the mum and toddler grps local to me are full up with a waiting list and tbh I don't really want to go to one. I would also like to crack on with my housework and get it all done in one go.

I feel so guilty though. My family are very anti nurseries and I never thought I would end up considering Nursery care, but as I am currently heavily pregnant I could do with a couple of mornings a week to just be able to get on with housework and chores.

Do your DC's enjoy nursery? Do you think they benefit socially from it? DD is 15 months.

agree with spring, nursery is not the only option out there - childminders can be brilliant and are a 'home' environment rather than an institution.
I totally 'get' needing a break and if it works, great. I felt this pressure that there undoubtedly is nowadays to 'socialise' my son so tried him in nursery part time at 2 - he hated it, was dreadfully upset - so we gave up.

He went to pre school for two/three sessions a week at three, which he coped with - just- but he never, ever loved going away from me and home.

Kids are all different is what I'm saying. Society now says 'socialise them' and our accepted way of doing that is with their peer group.

Actually, for many kids, their peer group is the LAST group they want to be with; other toddlers want attention and toys too, whereas older kids often play much more nicely with you! And socialisation is EVERYTHING, it doesn't have to take the form of playing with toys in a room with other kids. It is chatting to the lady at the lockers in the pool, to the postman, to the lady in the cake shop - it all 'counts' and nursery is NOT better than all of that.

My DS had absolutely minimal 'socialisation' with his peers prior to school (in formal terms eg nursery) but is has NOT affected him in any way shape or form. He is 8 now, part of a lovely group of close friends, enjoys sleepovers and all the normal stuff. Oh and he has a girlfriend

So I am rambling but I'm saying I know you need a break but don't despair if your child has difficulties settling, and you may need to think outside the box.

You could even consider paying a cleaner instead of nursery and getting your family (who hate nurseries!!!) to take your child for regular mornings out....

I never went to a playgroup/nursery at all, but it didn´t stop me putting mine in one, or anyone disagreeing with my decision.

And tbh, unless they had reason to think it would be detrimental, it wasn´t really their business.

I'm a SAHM and my 4 year old goes for her five afternoons and the two year old and one year old go for two afternoons a week. They've all went 2 days a week since they were one and I love the different opportunities to kearn that they've had thanks to the very forward-thinking nursery they go to. I wouldn't have had it any other way for them. I like to think taht I'm giving them as much chance to learn and develop in as many ways as I can.

Please do it and don't feel guilty. Apart from the benefits to you she will eventually love it and thrive. My son goes and he is so much more confident and chatty. Compare that to his cousin who is also a lovely child but cannot be away from his mum and is very shy generally - not a problem until he gets thrown in at the deep end when he has to go to school.
It may be a difficult transition with tears tantrums and separation anxiety but in the long-term sure it will work out. I put my son in nursery 3 days a week at 3 months old, no regrets at all.

Good luck!

CJ2010, I was just to talking to my mum about how different things were in her generation (I was born in 68). Not many in her generation used nursery care either, but the wider family wasn't so dispersed then and aunts and uncles etc actually regularly pitched in with substantive help. One set of neighbours would have me over for a couple of hours a week, in return for a couple of trips in our car to places they needed to get to. Different times.

Absolutely do it if you feel its right. I sent my DS for a couple of mornings a week when he was about 2.4 yrs old. It was great to have some time and then I also became pregnant and had awful morning sickness and it was a lifesaver. He really loved nursery though and was throughly stimulated and made lots of friends. you don't have to justify yourself to anyone even if as you say you are a SAHM, no one elses business

God yes, put her in nursery. I would only judge if you were a SAHM and put her in full time, but only because I work full time and I'm desperate to cut my hours to spend more time with the kids!!

I did the same with mine, and don't have regrets. My children were settled and happy at nursery.

I also think that nowadays we expect too much of children, and it's often not based on actual child development or milestones. A child of three can present as shy and unwilling to leave his/her mum. This for many children is very very normal and means nothing in terms of the child's long term development. A child is a developing being, not a fully formed being - their abilities increase and emerge naturally; a child does not need nursery in order to cope in school. Some may benefit from it, yes, I'm not saying they won't. But there is now an orthodoxy appearing that all children need to 'practice' for the next stage of childhood before they are developmentally there - not always a success.

Would have done it myself if I'd had the money back then. Luckily I had an amazing family who were willing to help once a week. I would have gone mad otherwise.

What a great idea, loads of mums I know pop their children in for a couple of days. I did. I would also consider a childminder aswell, as my DS did first nursery and when we moved a childminder. She has a helper and when the helper is there often has 5-7 children around and her own girls and he really enjoys the family atmosphere and she is also more flexible. But gained from both types of care.

I agree sleeping. I'm not too keen on all the warning stories on here on what will happen if a child doesn't go to nursery

OP's child is only a BABY, and you can socialise a child of that age perfectly well without needing to leave them in a nursery.

By all means put her in nursery if it makes life easier for you, but don't kid yourself that a 15 month old is better off in a nursery than at home with a parent. Note, I said BETTER off, before I get flamed - I'm just saying that nursery isn't a superior experience to being at home with a parent, not that there is anything intrinsically wrong with using childcare.

do it

Being at nursery for a few hrs might not be a superior experience (and who can judge by the way), but certainly a different one.

When we were living in the UK and my dc were tiny toddlers there weren't many opportunities to socialise (where are these chatty ladies in shops people always refer to on here as a great way to socialize a toddler? Never met one in 8 yrs, apart from sulky shopkeepers in whsmith, to name one) and it took me a good time to form friendships with like minded adults who had children who could spend time with mine.

And of course 15 months old babies don't socialize like a 3 yr old or a 6 yrs old would. But they still do it. At nursery, they learn how to do things alongside other children (with whom they will start to play after some months), they learn to listen to other adults and to form different relationships than those they have with their parents, they learn different games, they play with different toys etc etc etc.

I did it - 2 full days a week leading upto 3 days when DD was nearing school age! You it - you won't regret it

I don't disagree that nursery has benefits franca - I'm talking about posts like:

"There is a little girl the same age at playgroup who won't be more than 5 paces away from her mum. Mum is now PG and really worried how her DD will cope with her in hospital and when baby is at home. Don't become that mother"

As if nursery is some kind of special experience that all children must go through or terrible things will happen.

Fine to do it, sure the OP's DD will have fun, but it's not the only way to bring up a happy and well socialised child!

Oh yes, I agree with that springlambkin. I think, to be honest, that nurseries are a place where children can have lots of fun, but not necessarily learn how to be independent. Plus, children come in so many different ways. I know very independent children who are also quite clingy to their mothers, iyswim.

And another thing. My first - who was very well adjusted at nursery - still found the first 2 months at school quite stressful anyway!

I can't believe I'm living in a society (in the year 2011) where mothers still feel guilty for such a thing!

Absolutely, go for it! I made a decision waaaay back when I was doing my degree in Psychology (specialised in Child Psychology) that even if I decided to become a stay at home parent, I would probably use nurseries or other forms of childcare/play groups from a young age. There is plenty of research that shows that when the nursery is of a good quality, children who attend ultimately do better in school and develop better social skills. (as with most research this does not mean they always outperform children who stay at home - just "more likely". nothing to stress about, in my opinion)

I know of many children who have attended nursery from a much younger age than 15 months and turned out absolutely brilliantly (and many from the age of 4 months).

I'm planning on using a nursery for my child when she's around 4-6 months old for about a day per week, even though I will still be on maternity leave. I think it will be beneficial for her, so long as it's a good quality nursery (e.g. Outstanding Ofsted rating etc.. and money is no object). We'll gradually increase when I return to work. I truly believe it's healthy for children to have a variety of experiences and interactions with many different people, rather than cooped up in the house with mum all day. Mum is there to coach / monitor development, not be the sole source of it.

I just wish mums weren't always giving themselves such a guilt trip! I view good parenting a bit like being a good CEO. The CEO doesn't do all of the work him/herself. A good CEO is adept at selecting the best talent to run their organisation to meet or exceed their business strategy.

My family strategy is to raise a happy, loved, intelligent, and successful child who is surrounded by supportive friends and family. And I'm not afraid of delegating some of the work to people I select to help me achieve that goal.

I've never meet a successful CEO (or indeed a successful parent) who thinks they need to do all of the work him/herself and is afraid to leverage other people effectively to achieve a superior result.

Anyway that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it ;)

It's good for her! And it's good for you. And the fact that it's good for you is also good for her.
She will LOVE it!

This must be a record. 72 posts and not a single fight.

Well done op!

Oh and I've been told my a number of reliable (4 dc+ families) sources that the transition to school can be somewhat easier if you call nursery "school".
Apparently it's easier to get your head around going to a new school than it is starting school.

Why can't you do the housework with DC there? I'd understand if you wanted to sleep/do yoga/read a book etc, but if you just want to get the housework done give DC a duster and let them help - or occupy self while you get on.

I did it when ds1 was 16 months old. He went for one day a week and I was a SAHM.

We increased this up to 2 days a week just before ds2 was born he did this for about 2 months.

I don't feel bad about it, he loved it. He is now a happy 8 year old. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone, you are pregnant and tired. It is nice to be able to have a long bath, or a sleep, never mind housework