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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put DD in a nursery even though I am SAHM?

129 replies

CJ2010 · 14/04/2011 16:18

It would just be for a couple of sessions a week, not full time. I have a few reasons as to why I want to do this -DD is getting bored at home even though I spend lots of time playing with her, the mum and toddler grps local to me are full up with a waiting list and tbh I don't really want to go to one. I would also like to crack on with my housework and get it all done in one go.

I feel so guilty though. My family are very anti nurseries and I never thought I would end up considering Nursery care, but as I am currently heavily pregnant I could do with a couple of mornings a week to just be able to get on with housework and chores.

Do your DC's enjoy nursery? Do you think they benefit socially from it? DD is 15 months.

OP posts:
FlamingJamie · 14/04/2011 16:58

Pregnant with a toddler is very very hard

millie30 · 14/04/2011 16:59

YANBU. My DS goes to nursery 2 mornings a week. I'm a single mum with very little support and putting him in nursery has allowed me to get a bit of sanity back and start a part time degree. It does us both good to have a break from each other and as he's an only child it does him good to socialise with other children. Go for it!

FlamingJamie · 14/04/2011 16:59

I did not mean pregnant with a toddler in your womb, obviously. That would be VERY hard, not to mention freaky

MissBetsyTrotwood · 14/04/2011 17:02

Do it. I'm a SAHM and a lone mum a lot of the time (DH works away a lot) and it was great. I have yet to meet a mum who has boundless patience and enthusiasm for their children 24 hours a day every day! You need some time apart and if there are no friends available for a swap or family willing/able to help it will be good for you both.

A couple of mornings a week sounds sensible.

plupedantic · 14/04/2011 17:03

Mondays and Fridays are the easiest days to get, as those are the days most part-time mothers have off. No chance of getting a Wednesday!

If your family is so anti-nursery, they have to put their money where their moan is, and help you! Wink

ProfYaffle · 14/04/2011 17:06

I do it too. Both my dds went into nursery from being a year old, we don't have family nearby so nursery time is the only child free time I get. It's an absolute sanity saver for me.

Roseflower · 14/04/2011 17:06

Nothing wrong with it at all!

Benefits for dc- socialising, chance meet friends for playdates, educational experiences, adapting to routines, new toys etc

Benefits for you- rest, balance, variation, chance do housework, sleep for you health, make new friends by meeting other mums.

You need a good rest before baby shows up!

Downsides: Worry of picking up bugs, cost

EssexGurl · 14/04/2011 18:16

My DD goes 2 days a week and I am a SAHM. DS went 4 days a week as I worked when he was little. Couldn't find childcare when he went to school and so gave up. But I wanted DD to have the same opportunities as him.

She loves it, has a great set of friends and really enjoys the time there. We still do playgroup and library together. But I get a couple of days to do cleaning, cooking, shopping and even go swimming once a week. I think it works for both of us. She is a lot more independent now than she was a few months ago. There is a little girl the same age at playgroup who won't be more than 5 paces away from her mum. Mum is now PG and really worried how her DD will cope with her in hospital and when baby is at home. Don't become that mother.

cherrypez · 14/04/2011 18:18

I work in a school, have holidays off, and quite happily put my babies in nursery a couple of days a week when i'm off...they love it and i can do stuff with my older kids that i just cant do with 3 under 5's! ur LO will love nursery and u are totally not being unreasonable

howdidthishappenthen · 14/04/2011 18:25

I couldn't hack being an SAHM (as in, tried and failed), but if I'd been stuck with it regardless of my pref, then DS1 would have been in that nursery SOOOO fast. Think of it as an investment in the emotional wellbeing of the whole family..

TryLikingClarity · 14/04/2011 18:27

OP - you have to do what is best for your DD, yourself and the baby you're carrying. If that is sending her to a nursery then do it. If your family are so anti-nursery then they can help out more.

To be honest, reading this thread has made me smile. I've just booked DS a place for 3 days a week in a nursery for when I start a new job in Sept. He'll be 19 months then and I was feeling excited/guilty/ sad etc all the emotions you'd expect with a PFB.

Am glad to read your kids have enjoyed it so much. :)

Jellykat · 14/04/2011 18:33

I did it with my 2 DSs, i think it's good for them to learn how to socialize away from their parents.

YANBU and don't feel guilty, you need a break too!

squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 18:36

I would say it is definately a good idea. Especially as you are pregnant, as it will help you child to develop their social skills, and be more independant when the new baby arrives.

springlambkin · 14/04/2011 18:42

If you can't cope without it then do it. Personally, the guilt of putting my 13 month old in childcare for 15 hours a week so I could WORK was awful, so I would never have done this (was also pregnant when DD was this age).

That said, she does 6 hours a week in pre school which she started at 2.5 and that was so I could spend more time with her sister and I don't feel guilty.

I don't have any family help either but I don't do a lot of housework! Certainly not enough to warrant a couple of nursery sessions a week Grin

Personally I'd use a c/m over a nursery if I was goiung to do itl.

Original poster
CJ2010 · 14/04/2011 19:34

So glad to hear what you all think. There's nothing like a group of parents to understand how hard it can be sometimes! I get the feeling my FIL thinks I sit on my arse all day, drinking tea!

Neither my parents nor DP's parents used Nursery care and I think this is where their views come from. It's such an alien thing to them.

I am so knackered, mentally & physically at the mo that I see no other option. DD bless her, is extremely demanding at the moment, both our families work full time, so I see it as my only option.

Thanks for all your messages, I've found them really comforting.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 14/04/2011 19:38

My mum was a stay at home mum, but because I was an only child, she put me into nursery a couple of mornings a week as soon as I could walk and talk, so that I would get interaction with other children.

My granddaughter who is an only child, didnt go until she was almost 4, and she really didnt find it easy to mix with other children at first.

My other stepdaughter has a son who is just 2, and he started nursery last month, and is loving it.

I do think children really benefit from the social side of being in nursery.

Meglet · 14/04/2011 19:44

Yanbu. If its a good nursery she will have a whale of a time.

My neighbour is a sahm and she put her ds into nursery when he was little. Mine have been at nursery since they were young anyway as I work.

umf · 14/04/2011 20:22

OP, didn't your parents or PiL use playgroup or anything at all? There's plenty of evidence that some time spent in groups like that is good for children, which is what the playgroup movement was about and why the gvt now funds some preschool education. If you didn't get sent to any form of playgroup or nursery school then your parents were actually kinda behind the times - and if they give you any grief then tell them so!

The only leg they've got to stand on might be that your DD is younger than the 2 or 2.5 at which children used to start playgroup and still often start preschool. But if DD's happy and the nursery is well set up for children her age, then she'll have a ball and you'll have a break.

(FWIW I'll be putting my DS2 (5 months) into a good nursery for 2 sessions a week just as soon as I can get a place. He already very happily spends a couple of hours in the gym creche once a week. I'm a much nicer mother for it.)

SmethwickBelle · 14/04/2011 20:37

Sounds like a great idea, at 15 months she'll really benefit from the poddling about with other babies.

I agree you should get your head down and sleep in the time available though - seriously, you need to recharge your batteries.

springbokdoc · 14/04/2011 20:38

Before I had my ds, I used to get all judgey about SAHM who put their dc in nursery. Now that I have one of my very own, I completely understand why you would do it and would actually go so far to say that if you can afford it everyone should do it! It gives you a little bit of time to yourself to get all those things done that otherwise would take a million times longer. Besides that, you're pg and you deserve to put your feet up!

Have you thought about a CM? I felt much better getting one c.f nursery (but that's just me).

MistyB · 14/04/2011 20:39

I haven't read all of the replies but they have obviously been positive. When I needed time to clean the house and get some head space, I found a fantastic part time nanny who came and took DS from my house, looked after him for three hours, often met up with two other nannies with charges of similar ages and dropped him back. It meant I had more time as I didn't have to drop him off and pick him up. For the first few months I enjoyed the silence, now I enjoy listening to the radio occassionally!! It was crucial for my mental health!!

Finding time to do housework while caring for your child is really hard and I love that the whole house is done in one go rather than in bits during the week and that it is me that gets to do i rather than paying a cleaner who won't do the same things that I choose on any one week.

Parenting is a 24/7 job and it is OK to need a few hours to yourself to allow your mind to work through all the things that are going on! The added impact of being pregnant is also significant as life will change when the baby arrive. If your DD is settled in nursery before the baby arrives, it will be easier to carry this on.

Booandpops · 14/04/2011 20:41

Yes. It's a much needed break and you will get one to one with baby. Very important.
My son is about to up his days to 4 mornings instead of 2. It's been a perfect beginning for him. He loves it

rockinhippy · 14/04/2011 20:44

YANBU - DO IT your DD will benefit massively & so will you

I too was at home & put my DD in for a few sessions a week from 2 onwards - she LOVED it & was much happier as a result & so was I :)

NoWayNoHow · 14/04/2011 20:45

YANBU, if you need the time, especially whilst PG and soon to have a newborn, then take it.

As for your family being very anti nursery - Hmm

Children start to become social beings at around three years old and benefit massively from being with other children and adults. Before then, if you find a good, stimulating and well run environment, it can open up a world of knowldge for your DS that he p[ossibly wouldn't experiece otherwise.

The only reason we waited until DS was 2.5 to put him in nursery is because we were relocating so didn't want to settle him somewhere and then uproot him. He has learnt an enormous amount from it.

I only know one child over the age of 2 who isn't in nursery yet. She's 3.3yo and doesn't socialist with any other children, gets incredibly upset when her mum takes her to other people's houses, refuses to play with the kids, and hardly utters a word. She could really benefit from it, but her Mum isn't keen... Quite Sad I think.

CPtart · 14/04/2011 20:48

I think learning to get along without you, that they can be left and you will come back, that they can't have one to one attention all day is a good thing. My two DS went to nursery part time from several months old (I was back at work) and apart from the initial stream of coughs and colds were fine and are now confident sociable boys. Never a problem. If you are going to do it, then do it before new baby comes though, so less big changes all at once for you and your DD.