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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think death and resurrection are unsuitable subjects for a year 1 assembly?

101 replies

newfashionedmum · 12/04/2011 21:18

My daughter attends a community primary school, chosen specifically for being non-denominational as we don't think children should be segregated according to their families religious backgrounds. We are happy for DD to learn about religions as part of her understanding of cultures and anthropology, including visits to mosques, churches and hindu temples which are all arranged by her school.

However I'm unhappy that she and her friends had a class assembly today (which parents weren't told in advance about) about Easter, specifically the content and delivery of the assembly. I don't yet know the detail but she told me this evening she was upset because 'Jesus died' and she couldn't understand why Good Friday was good, when someone had died. She was then told Easter was a celebration, because 'he will come alive again and come back to earth'.

I think children this age are too young to make the distinction between a story and the truth, especially when told it by a teacher (who are usually held up by children at this age as the fount of all knowledge!) and without any context (for eg she doesn't know what sin is so can't even have it explained why Jesus was supposed to have died - not that I'd want them to go into 'saving us from eternal damnation' anyway). AIBU to be unhappy about this and has anyone got any constructive suggestions /guidelines about how to mark this particularly gruesome festival in a more sensitive way - or do some schools avoid it altogether? My DP says they should do something about its cultural context and it being an old pagan festival - hence the eggs - which is all 5 and 6 year olds are really interested in!

OP posts:
LiegeAndLief · 12/04/2011 21:34

Ds is in reception (admittedly at CofE school) and they have had a series of assemblies about Easter. From what I can gather from ds, this has been about Jesus being hit by naughty soldiers, carrying his own cross up a hill (forced to by naughty soldiers), killed by naughty soldiers (Mummy, how exactly do you die when you're stuck on a cross?), being shut up in a tomb, and then coming back to life which is when we get to eat chocolate eggs.

He is quite matter of fact about the death bit, but has asked if it is real. I told him that some people (like friend X, who is Christian) believe that Jesus was a real person and some people think it is just a story, and that no one really knows which is true. I guess it is a bit gory for small children and I certainly found some of ds's retelling quite gruesome. But there's religion for you!

LiegeAndLief · 12/04/2011 21:36

Oh and they have also talked a lot about spring, the beginning of new life etc (along with a nice song about eggs in the nest) so I guess they have covered the more pagan side of things as well.

mitochondria · 12/04/2011 21:39

My son (4, in Reception) told me his version of the Easter story the other day.

"Jesus was crucified, and he died, and the bad guys put him in a cave with a rock over the front of it, and he came back to life and fought off all the bad guys and moved the rock out of the way and then he was alive again"

I liked the bit about fighting off the bad guys.

Husband and I are atheists, but boy is at a CofE primary (at which point someone will tell me I shouldn't have sent him to a CofE primary and I will then point out that in our area there isn't a choice).

I've told him that it is a story.

I'd be more annoyed if he was at a non-denominational school, because that's not what you signed up for, is it?

Flowerpotmummy · 12/04/2011 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mitochondria · 12/04/2011 21:41

Liege - cross posted. It seems small boys like gruesome stories!

mitochondria · 12/04/2011 21:44

Flowerpotmummy - it's in the delivery, though.

There's a difference between "Christians believe that....." which goes alongside teaching about other religions too, and "This is what Easter is all about" - delivered by teachers to small children as a fact. In a supposedly non-denominational school.

I have to put up with it at my son's CofE primary. But OP specifically chose a non-Christian school (as I would have done, had there been one available).

lazylula · 12/04/2011 21:47

Ds1 is in Reception and has been telling me all about the Easter story, he has been very matter of fact and the only bit he felt was unfair is that Jesus was punished when he had done nothing wrong and he didn't think that was right.

southeastastra · 12/04/2011 21:48

my son is loving all the easter religious stuff, i think he'll be the next father dougal

LiegeAndLief · 12/04/2011 21:50

Mitochondria - indeed! Although I was a bit stumped by the "how did he die" question. I am a scientist (as I assume you are!) and started down the route of how he would have suffocated under his own body weight, then got a bit worried that I was being too honest but ds seemed completely unfazed.

I also feel we have to put up with it as we chose a CofE school (was best for ds, and I am quite happy for him to learn the religious stuff despite not really being into it myself) but wouldn't expect same from non-denominational school.

bubblecoral · 12/04/2011 21:52

I think this is one of the benefits of a CofE school even for a family that is not particularly religious. My dc go to a CofE school, and because the religion is talked about regularly, it seems to dilute the awfulness of some of the stories and time is provided to give more context. But when a school is trying to tell the Easter story to small children who have no background knowledge, it's bound to come across as a bit frightening!

Could you but some child friendly bible stories and read them together at home so that you can take the time to explain things properly, and explain that it's a story that some people belive but that some don't?

Ismene · 12/04/2011 21:53

I'm staunchly atheist myself. DD is in reception (4)in school and came home to tell me the story of when 'Jesus was grown up and he had 12 friends and he gave them some bread which was his really his skin and some red wine to get them drunk. One of friends ran away when he did this, but I can't remember why. I'm not sure when they ate chocolate eggs mummy, but we learned 'I'm a Spring Chicken' too!'. I agree with flowerpot, they should at least know the story behind Easter.

I disagree that children this age cannot make a distinction between truth and story. I'm glad that she has been given some of these details about Easter to allow her to learn about the world and formulate her own world view. At the moment that consists of 'I don't believe in God, but some people do and that helps them to feel happy. I feel happy because because I believe in goodness. That is why I don't say 'Oh my God' I say ' Oh my Goodness'.' Grin

Ismene · 12/04/2011 21:55

There are no non-Christian state schools in the UK BTW. There is a broadly Christian element to education in all state schools.

Flowerpotmummy · 12/04/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDameSansMerci · 12/04/2011 21:59

Actually, Easter (check out where the name comes from) is about eggs and fertility...

Leaving the Christian hijacking of an earlier celebration aside, I am also very unhappy that my 3.5 year old has been told about the crucifiction/resurrection at her nursery (albeit in a somewhat softened way). I don't think it's appropriate at all at that age. I also specifically chose a non-denominational environment.

So, IMO, YANBU.

PaWithABra · 12/04/2011 21:59

birth and death/(reincarnation resurection) are the whole of the story

of course they should hear it youg

lionheart · 12/04/2011 22:01

DS (5) has been told that Jesus was pinned to the cross. He's been wondering whether the drawing or safety kind were used. Smile

But I do understand what you mean OP. I think a celebration of Spring, the idea of renewal, and

talk of pagan rites works well with this age group (as do bunnies and eggs).

Ismene · 12/04/2011 22:01

There is a huge difference between a 3.5 yo and a 6 yo though Belle. I completely agree with you that it is inappropriate in a nursery environment.

BelleDameSansMerci · 12/04/2011 22:03

Thanks, Ismene.

bubblecoral · 12/04/2011 22:03

Flowerpot I don't think it's the story itself that is the problem, its that it's not explained in context, and even the bits that aren't factual are presented as fact.

At our school Easter church service I listened while my children were told that the fact that Jesus died for our sins is why he is the only way to God. My children are children, they haven't sinned, and it's not nice to make small children feel that because they did some silly harmless but naughty thing that someone had to die for them. It needs to be explained properly or not at all imo.

manicinsomniac · 12/04/2011 22:04

I think it's fine personally.

It's a prolem of life that young children find it hard to understand reality but they learn.

A few years ago my friend's 5 year old came home from school very upset because he thought his grandparents were dead.
My friend asked why. He said 'they live in London'. She pressed him for more details. She got "My teacher said the whole of London burned down". They were learning about the Great Fire of London but he couldn't get the concept of the past at all. Doesn't mean he doesn't have to do history.

Original poster
newfashionedmum · 12/04/2011 22:04

Flowerpot I'm not disputing that there was a crucifixion 2000 years ago, just whether my 5 year old needs to be told about it. When she's a few years older and more equipped with critical thinking faculties then yes I would be much more relaxed about it.

OP posts:
gapbear · 12/04/2011 22:08

Agree that for nursery age, it's a bit much. Reception upwards, and it's all in the delivery, I think.

All schools are Christian (except the Jewish / Muslim / Hindu ones, obv), and must have at least 51% of all RE Christianity focused. RE is statutory. There should also be a daily act of collective worship that is broadly Christian in character. It makes sense, that at this time of year, the Easter story crops up.

Ariesgirl · 12/04/2011 22:09

I think YABU.

Why does your DD think she has an "Easter holiday"? Do you give her Easter eggs? Loads of religious knowledge is hard to understand at first and then the gaps are filled in as they do along. That's not indoctrination - it's simply giving them some knowledge of their heritage.

Having said that I have never understood why Jesus had to die on a cross in order to save us from our sins. Why? No one has ever explained that to me satisfactorily. Surely he could have achieved more if he had lived to a ripe old age, spreading the word as he went? Baffling.

queenoffairies · 12/04/2011 22:13

My DD has also been learning about Easter at nursery. Her version, there was a very bad man who stole some money from Jesus. Jesus had to carry a cross a very long way, which made him very tired so he went to sleep on it. He was also wearing some very big pants! The very bad man was good now, so Jesus woke up and went to live withGod. Jesus and God shared lots of Easter eggs.

I feel she may have added the last bit herself......

mummytime · 12/04/2011 22:17

Personally at 5 this kind of thing doesn't faze them. So they happily go around old castles looking at torture chambers, and telling increasingly gruesome stories. Its when they get older they start to empathise and find it frightening/gruesome. Well that is my experience.