To think it will all kick off on here after this is aired?

[MsScarlett]

My mum just texted me to say that tomorrow there is a documentary on BBC3 at 9pm called, "Is Breast Best?".

I predict a bunfight!

Yes good posts Tiktok I'm on my mobile not at computer so can't write longer posts

rollit, I agree, being 'really nasty' about breastfeeding is very rare on here, restricted to a few trolls in the main.

I wasn't specifically meaning posters on mumsnet - but if you have ever talked to formula feeding mothers where they are able to express their thoughts or who are in an envrironment where they are with others who agree with them, or had the experience of doing focus group or other research with mothers, or even read about it, you'll be aware of some very negative, angry, unpleasant stuff.

Mostly, people here are more restrained....despite it being the internet.

Leonie - I was referring to people who 'didn't even try', as well.

Best to start off with the basic premise that most parents love their kids, and want the best for them, including the ones you see and judge as ones who 'can't be bothered' .

What's stopping them from wanting to breastfeed? They don't see it's worth the effort to do something different from what they expect to do, and which they will get no support for...indeed they might even be thought of as weird and crazy and unhygienic and all sorts of other undesirable things. You have to be fairly strong, confident and determined, and not everyone is!

That's just the way things are. I want to see a world where you don't have to be strong and confident and determined to breastfeed. A world where you can breastfeed and be lazy and selfish, if you want to be! Because I think the experience of breastfeeding could be enjoyable and beneficial to those babies and those mothers....and it could be something that doesnt take much effort or knowledge. With that sort of culture change, accusations of 'weird' and 'disgusting' will disappear - it would be just something nice mothers and babies do, and deserving of no comment at all :)

I object to there only being a couple of categories for the 'not even trying to BF' mothers.
I didn't try. It's not because I was lazy, or because I wanted to party, for DH to feed the baby. Nor I have ever propped a bottle.

Tiktok - completely agree with you.

Leonie - I am in a similar position - a staunch bf advocate but considering an elective CS for my second baby. I have wondered if I am hypocritical. I could never consider not trying to bf, (even though I had a horrible time trying with my first), yet here I am considering not "attempting" a natural birth!

I think there are parallels, and am trying to reconcile those feelings - yet I cannot at the moment see me trying for a natural birth, for my own mental health. Maybe this is how some ffers feel about feeding. It makes me less judgemental I have to say.

isnt your role to accept someone else decisions.you're not moral adjudicator

you have a subjective opinion,fine.but thats all it is

mums dont need anyone else approval ,they need to be capaeable abd comfortable with parenting deciosons from feeding,to behaviour techniques,to parenting style.just to be good enough mums

scottishmummy - this is of course true, but I think it would be hard to find people who don't judge anyone, privately. Some people I think find it easier to post their private thoughts on MN, because of the anonymity, for validation? I don't know. But not many would judge to someone's face, irl - yet I think it is human to privately judge.

But Leonie, you judging all mothers who choose to FF as being negligent is no different than someone judging you because you had a CS, some people have a CS because it's an emergency and they don't want their baby to die, some plan one to prevent an emergency, some plan one to avoid certain complications that they are likely to have, some plan one because they have massive issues about labour and want to avoid it at all costs, some plan one because it's more convenient to them and a doctor's willing to let them do that.

I read about celebrities being too posh to push all the time and having them done early so their stomach doesn't get stretched.

I wouldn't judge CSs because of that, firstly because I'm fairly sure it's probably more complicated than it seems, nothing's ever as cut and dried as glib statements make out and secondly I wouldn't base my opinion of a group of people on a minority.

Do I have to explain myself to you? If I explain does that not in turn make me justify a decision that I shouldn't have to?

I will add that not trying doesn't necessarily equate to not wanting to either.

I have given serious consideration to feeding and I have I admit considered not trying again. The fear of failing was just so great. I have actually decided to try again. Not because of comments on here but because I have decided that I will feel worse not to have tried than to have tried and failed. However I can really see how a woman in my position wouldn't try again. I have had my MW appointment and told her that I did not want to see the MW who was shouting in my face the last time as it did not help and made me feel a lot worse. I will have formula and some bottles in the house (flame me if you want.) I live in a place where the nearest 24 hrs shop is 20miles away. I want to know that if it goes like last time that I will not end up dealing with a screaming, starving repidly becoming dehydrated baby for 13hrs solid until the shops reopen. If the baby will not latch on at all or if nothing comes out like before.

@Leonie

I think that the thing with bf for me is that I could try, but if I choose to give up or switch at any point that's fine. Whereas with a CS/natural birth I can't just choose a natural birth then change my mind whenever I feel it's not going well. I need to make the decision pre-labour and I'm stuck with it and its consequenses.

strandedbear - of course you don't have to. But would you be interested in discussing these feelings? It's an online discussion. If you are interested I would have some questions, but if not then I won't ask, it's none of my business!

xstitch- you will get lots of support about breastfeeding a subsequent child over on the bottle/breast feeding topic.

You'll find sympathetic, helpful, supportive, kind and gentle words from us there.

Really, no one will flame you or judge you.

xstitch, that was why I didn't BF DD, I was so scared of it being the same as with DS.

I kind of wish I had at least tried now because it might well have been completely different, but at the time I couldn't put myself through that at all.

Having said that, I don't feel guilty about FF her the same way I do about not managing to BF DS, because it was a choice, where I still feel like I failed the first time, I didn't choose to FF.

But then maybe failing twice would have made me feel better too, as then I'd know that it's not working and that kind of validates that I was right to give up the first time?

God that's jumbled thinking, rofl.