Are you a Mother/Father of a mixed raced child/different skin colour?

[YouaretooniceNOT]

I am White single Mother. My son is half White and half Afro Carribbean.

My son is 12 years old, very pleasent, clam and really well behaved in public. He can walk and holds my arm whilst doing so.

Over the years i have recieved 'dirty looks', comments. name calling. sniggering from the general public about his SN mainly.

My friend whom runs a group for disabled children and has mixed raced Grandchildren herself says the 'dirty looks' are quite possibly more to do with the fact that my son is half black and is 'quite dark' for a half white child. Not that he is SN.

Can this be true?

I really do not want to start world war 3 over this..please. I'm upset i have explained aswell as i can right now..sorry.

Yes it's possible, but you shouldn't let it get you down.

I am half white, half black, and yes I've faced racism here. 3 or 4 times in the 12 or so years that I've lived in the UK. So not that often in my opnioin.

I've been told to go home and been called scum. I am married to a white man and he's been called a N lover by a bunch of teenage girls.

My response is normally to completely ignore and not react in any way at all (this sort of person just wants a reaction), except for once when I told a very old man who huffed and then moved to another seat on the bus, after I sat next to him, that he shouldn't worry as he'd soon be dead and would not have to put up with the likes of me any more. It was childish, I know, but for once I couldn't help myself.

And for what it's worth, I'd say I also get odd looks from black men when I'm with my DH. And one no so close family friend suggested I might want to consider dating a black man as I must not marry a white man. Rich as my mum was in the next room.

Point is, you can't control what some people think. Just think of it as their loss and be confident in your own beliefs.

Racism mostly comes from parents or other influential people in childhood years?

Im white, my children are mixed race and look nothing like me at all, or like each other - one is ginger! I've never had any dirty looks or negative comments. The only comments I've had are from my HV who laughed and said "you must look just like your Daddy", and from a lady at playgroup, who openly asked me about their ethnic identity, and then said her husband is Turkish and she thought/hoped we might be Turkish too.

I haven't read the thread (will do in a min) but i just wanted to say that my two eldest from my first marriage are mixed race (Afro American and white British) I have lived in Devon when they were young, Surrey when they were older and now Wiltshire when they are teens.

I'd love to say they had'nt experienced any racism but sadly they have and plenty of it. My eldest who is now 18 has had a brick thrown at her head and has quite a significant scar from when she was 5 and my 16 year old used to get lots of comments at school such as 'dont touch me with your brown skin' ect.

Sad to say they are used to it now although to be fair once we moved out of Devon and to Surrey and they went to high school it became less and now its fairly non existant (except from some older and middle aged people) DD2 was in town only recently with her friends from school and got the 'bloody foreigners' comment thrown at her - luckily she just laughed.

Its sad but i think reading your original post OP its nothing to do with your DS having SN and more to do with him being of mixed race, i dont get it, never will and i think it becomes less as people are more unaccepting of it socially, it also depends on where you live i think too.

Im a very proud mother (see my profile pics ), i have two white children too from my second marriage and they are all so beautiful - if ever they get any problems in the racism department i just tell them they are so lucky to have come from such a nice wide gene pool! :) - I'll read the rest of the thread now.

I've had a full range of comments about my DC.
From are they adopted, how did I 'get' them, people sidling up to my mother and saying "I'm not being funny but are those kids a bit in the dark side?" and "I'm not being funny, but is there something a bit not right about that kid?" (one of my DS's has SEN).
Curiosity, being rude, could be all sorts - but they're always right - it never is 'funny'.

Take no notice, OP - anyone who carries on like this is a bit thick.

Tokyotwist, rosieposey and BleachedWhale.

BagofHolly are your children light skinned? x

In a way does it really matter whether they are giving the dirty looks due to his Sn or being mixed race? it's equally ignorant either way :(
my dc are mixed but their colour is not that different from mine if that makes any difference, i've never really noticed any dirty looks nor has their dad i don't think, but we are in london so different backgrounds etc is very normal

Ok read the thread now (super speed reading) and i wanted to pick up on the dirty looks thing. I never ever notice it - maybe its because i dont give a shit but my sister used to go out with us as a family and really get pissed off with it. She used to ask me why i never noticed (and maybe its more obvious because i have two 'dual heritage' children and two white children) but i honestly never did, only when the girls complained about it or got physically injured in the case of my oldest DD.

Once when my DH and i were in a tailors getting his suit sorted out the man who was measuring DH asked if our girls were adopted and DH went a bit nuts about how rude that was to ask (lets face it i wouldnt!) but in the main it must be just me that doesnt notice (i obviously dont give a shit!)

The dirty looks is something i have very rarely had until we went to SUA. We have been there before lots over the last 12 years since my sons; birth. Devon and Cornwall were the worst places for it.

Hi, not sure what SN means but i would seriously try and ignore these ignorant people you are talking about. Your son will also notice them in time. Do you like in a mostly white area? If so, do you have black friends? Its important your son knows and understands his black identity. What i mean is he has to have an understanding of what it is to be black in the uk ie a minority. If i was you try and reach out to a multi racial group, how about church? So he can mix/ meet children who perhaps are mixed race like him. In addition you absolutely must teach your son about all the GREAT BLACK MEN in history. Research this and teach him. This society will demean him as he grows into a man it is so important he does well at school and has very high self esteem. I have two mixed race boys and i am white like you but married. I live in london though were daily you will see every combination of mixed race couplings! its true! up north though i know its a different story. only a few weeks a member of my own family told me my sons would grow up to be basketball players (angry) would they have said that to a white kid no! the stupidity knows no bounds!!!! dont forget that

some good starting points given your sons age, start the convo by talking about his family tree
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_people
www.infoplease.com/black-history-month/

be gentle but be aware you have to install a confidence in him that being black is beautiful

btw we know little brown babies are cute its when they get older they are demonised

OP email me if you wish, take care he soulds like he has a great mum!

Thanks michelle for taking the time to post. My son is totally blind and mentally impaired and has no idea of the colour green never mind that his Mother is White and he is too aswell as half Black.

SN is special needs.

I see!! ok i get the post now. sorry for my ignorance! are you sure it is because of his colour then? forgive me but people may think you are his carer (people think im my sons childminder) and some people are just plain nosey and disrespectful in general.

I don't know - i can never know!
My friend says it is as my son is dark skinned.

Agree with you OP about Devon, I lived in Exeter and grew up there too and thought it might just be a bit more multicultural given the University but sadly no.

I agree with LDNmummy. A combination of being mixed heritage and having an SEN is making him more vulnerable to receiving these comments.

tbh i wouldnt focus on it since

a) theres nothing you can do about it and
b) it isnt and wont harm your son

some people in general dont like intermixing with racial groups whatever colour that may be. these people are lost, though you may find a good few of them in church on a sunday morning (sigh)

i imagine its hurting you that your son is so precious and they are disrespecting him (or so you think). forget them, they are nothing and whatever they think should not be affecting your life

"Unless you're in a really provincial place you won't be getting dirty looks from anyone"

Surely that's also a bit of a prejudist comment? Are you saying that people who live in small towns are more racist than others?

My friend is toxic - she knew it would get to me.

I am black with a white DH and we dont get a second glance in london. Most children where we live are mixed race any way. however when we go and visit MIL up north we get the looks, tuts and are followed round the shops. My eldest DD is much darker- just a tab bit lighter than me and youngest DD is much lighter...based on the different skin colours there have been two seperate incidents when some rather nasty people have come to me and asked me if I slept with both white and black men, seeing they are such different colours.

it crossed my mind about your friend, it seems like an odd comment to make, one can only assume that she would also look that way also ... yes toxic

well yes, even though she has dual heritage Grandchildren.

ciske i have to say yes chances are they are more racist - if you can define racist as being completely ignorant of anyone who doesnt look like them. black skin comes in for a particular beating by the eyes most likely because it would be an unusual sight in an all white area and would stand out a lot. from my experience even the sight of dreadlocks are referred to as "odd looking" what they really mean is oh my they dont look like us they must be weird/odd/ strange and not human

youaretoonicenot perhaps she is laying on you the experience she has had when out with her grandchildren or based on what her daughter has told her about stares.

my DH is dual heritage dad from tanzania mom white and he grew up in liverpool in the sixties a very tough city to be in and he got appaling treatment for being a different colour even got beaten up once on his way home from school just for being dual heritage and an N as the little oiks called him, we have three grown up kids, the boys are very light skinned and dughter is darker skinned like dad, we live in a very mixed mutlicultral area mainly asian , eastern eurpoeans and more african people moving in and its no problem here people just accept us as who we are, only once have we encountered a real bad attitude, on a day out in blackpool we all went into a cafe and the old dear who was clearing the tables stood right opposite us giving out the evils just totally ignored her and enjoyed our meal

yes for sureissey6cats liverpool of course used to be famous slave port and there are slave emblems on some of the buildings in liverpool. i find up north it is more prevalent with the older age group and not so obvious with the younger age group who although theyve had more exposure to different groups of people maybe through uni, travelling or just media they may be have never had any friends of different colours so are wary. but still like you said totally ignore them. dont let such ignorant gits ruin your day