IABU to think I shouldn't be told off by the police by daring to be a woman out alone after dark?

[MsScarlettInTheLibrary]

I was walking through a deserted cut-through at around 11pm, on my way home. I'd been shopping and to the gym, as evidenced by the bags I carried.

I happened across a pair of policemen on bikes, who saw fit to brake and tell me I 'should be careful walking by myself at this time of night'.

IABU to feel angry and offended by this?

YABU

They sound like they're doing their job and showing some care and concern towards you.

A lone woman walks alone through a deserted area late at night - every female knows (or should know) that this can be very dangerous so a policeman warns you to be careful and you take offence? Why?! YADBU and ungrateful to react to someone's concern in such a way.

BTW i have to walk home alone at night - but i avoid cut-throughs and areas with lots of bushes. It's not fun to think that i may get robbed etc - for being a pedestrian (female OR male) at night.

I have read the whole thread. Overall my opinion is that yes, whilst the actual words "be careful" were, if taken literally, pretty useless, I don't see how offence could be taken that you were addressed by the police officers. Yes of course women AND men should be able to go wherever they please, when they please without fear of attack but it simply isn't the case or realistic and to me, it seems common sense that more "care" has to be taken (again, unfortunately) in isolated places, later at night.

I have been interested in the responses and read each one carefully. I have also been curious and was planning to look at the Feminist section anyhow (I'm pretty new) as I'm not really sure where I fit in with feminist views and am willing to be educated (as it were) but I feel similar to AgentZigZag. Obviously I WILL have a read but I'm a bit trepidacious to be honest!

I just don't get why the Feminist section is viewed as being so scary. Am I missing something? I'm relatively new to the site, and it's been the responses in other sections of MN that has led me to that section (mainly AIBU and some of the views in response to threads - e.g. the right to view Lady Gaga in a dental surgery in front of pre-school children is now a civil liberty because Lady Gaga is appropriate viewing for 4 year old girls; or the right to view Page 3 in a school playground while waiting to collect your children is a civil liberty because access to soft porn, whenever, wherever also appears to be a civil liberty that cannot be infringed; or the 'need' for small businesses to avoid employing women of child-bearing age because of the financial ruin they wreak on SMEs - as supported by many female small business owners apparently). It hasn't been the feminist section that has 'radicalised' me, so to speak, it has been the realisation that there are a huge number of women out there that think feminist is a dirty word and go out of their way to dis-identify themselves with this to the extent that pre-schoolers should be free to watch Lady Gaga, look at Page 3, and the astonishingly naive, and frankly scary, view that neither of these kind of things impact on little boys' views of women or little girls' views of themselves.

I like to think of the general ethos of the Feminism/Women's Rights section as 'constructive challenge'. I am comparatively ill-read to most of the people posting on there but I have never felt intimidated, but many, many posters there have made me reconsider assumptions I have and I feel better for being at least actively thinking and questioning than reading the litany of violence against women in the news with a sinking sense of resignation and growing sense of horror that it can only get worse. It makes me feel prepared to constructively challenge those views when I meet them, as opposed to being utterly utterly depressed by them. So from an entirely selfish point of view (and as a mother to a small DS) I feel I owe it to both him and me to get better educated.

I think it is scary because you are supposed to go with the flow and agree with the majority-or wear a tin hat! (I thought being a feminist meant you could have your own views and were free to choose them).
It is also scary because it is so deadly serious-everything is analysed. Policemen should obviously never speak to women unless spoken to first!

I class myself as a feminist but am also a police officer. Yes there are misogynistic and sexist views but I work in a multicultural inner city division where the police reflect the community. Nearly half the officers in our station are female (big difference from when I joined) There are various ethnicities, religions and sexual orientations reflected in the makeup of the staff.

However change is slow and yes there is still a patriarchial society. Therefore some officers may say "be careful" to a female on her own walking home and have the view that she shouldn't be walking at that time of night. Most officers I hope should be looking at educating people to try and prevent crime occurring. A lot of robberies occur between 10pm and 1am usually when people are walking home from the pub after having had alcohol and their defences are down.

Policing resources are being cut and there are limited numbers of officers patrolling the streets despite what the goverment would tell you. You would be horrified if you knew how many front line officers are out at any one time. Therefore in response to this part of our job has to be to prevent crime occurring. As mentioned before ensuring people don't leave valuables on show, lock windows and doors etc etc.

They have done half a job though and not given any basic crime prevention advice or explained why indeed they were advising the OP to be careful.

feminist section isnt scary can be hectoring and namecalling. sometimes feels a bit like toe the line or wear the anti-feminist tabard.but that why folk should participate, and is good to have plethora of views

Common sense surely , whether male or female , to take care walking alone at 11pm at night through a deserted cut through ! How dare the police officers comment [ hmm]

So they ignore you and then when they disappear you get mugged ??

'Why didn't the two police officers who past me just before I got mugged do something to warn me ? et cte

Get a grip - they were doing there job and being polite.

The police really can't win, can they! YABU.

No, they can't. The only time I've been almost mugged was by 4 teenage girls in Camden Town, at 10 pm. You yourself must take reasonable precautions and get the pole out of your ass in thinking that it is just males giving females 'be careful' comments. I've been assured by my RCMP friend that indeed they would have stopped to speak to anyone that was walking alone under the same circumstances.

Interesting thread and discussion.

FWIW, I think I was first drawn to the Feminist section by Dittany et al having 'strong discussions' on other boards. It didn't put me off. Instead I found the force of their belief intriguing and empowering. That might sound naff, but it's true.

Look, the Feminist section doesn't need to be 'inviting'. If someone wants to learn more or discuss feminist issues, they'll go there, if they don't, then no amount of 'play nice feminists' will encourage people to go there.

I have a hell of a lot to learn so read a lot more than I ever post, but I think reading and being open to taking in the message (instead of just taking affront at the tone) is very valuable.

There's nothing wrong with women getting angry about these issues. There's a hell of a lot to be angry about. It is not women's job to be 'reasonable' to encourage men or non-feminists to talk about these things.

When you bring tone or 'it happens to men too' into the discussion, it's taking things down to a Feminism 101 level, which is important too, but to women who've been discussing all this for a long time, it must get tiring to explain yet again that bad things do happen to men, but rape is still by and large all about violence towards women.

/not explaining thoughts well

This thread is not on the feminist board, and the discussion was not limited to rape but encompassed the dangers of walking at night and being attacked.
I would expect:

'When you bring tone or 'it happens to men too' into the discussion, it's taking things down to a Feminism 101 level, which is important too, but to women who've been discussing all this for a long time, it must get tiring to explain yet again that bad things do happen to men, but rape is still by and large all about violence towards women.'

to be a consideration on a more specialised board, but it's rather restricting to worry about tiring or boring a select interest group in AIBU.

Perhaps I should've been more clear - I meant in regards to the parts of this discussion that were specifically about threads on Feminism, though I think it's worth considering generally. It's not that small an interest group here, imo (up for debate I know!).

Did I say small? I thought I wrote select, which is not the same thing at all.

YABU. They were just doing their job.

Ok, you wrote select, have five points. I stand by what I wrote.

I'm sorry Goblinchild, is feminist thought "spreading all over the boards" ?

Again

There's just no containing it is there.

Hopefully not, a dialogue with many participants often moves discussion forwards and encourages explanation and interaction between divergent thinkers.
I like discussing matters with people who agree with me, but sometimes it's beneficial to talk to others who don't.

Sorry, lack of clarity in my post.

'There's just no containing it is there?'

Hopefully not.

post title is hardly impartial.bit provocative.police didn't curtail her freedom or movement or question why she dared to be out.was op who got all how very dare they ad suggested police wondered how dare she.although it doesnt seem they actually said this

lol "who saw fit to brake and tell me..."op you are ladling this on heavy and for effect. drips with how very dare they clichés and suggestion of male hegemony - i think you are on wind up

ps: if policewomen had said it would you still be indignant.is it a police thing, or a their gender thing?

I've answered those points in the thread scottishmummy, and acknowledged the title as unnecessarily harsh.

I've also explained the cicrumstances and said that the turn the thread has taken has made me uncomfortable.

Why on earth would I be 'on a wind up'

the indignant how very dare they tone,feeling got at,offended and angry.at an innocuous interaction with police.you are practically looking for offence

Bastards. Why don't they get back in the office and get on with some paperwork? How dare they try to interact with the public in a helpful and protective manner?