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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this disuturbing

114 replies

Kitsichick · 09/04/2011 21:14

In the SM today was a photgrapher taking pics of children and parents with various Easter props.
We were waiting in the queue. The photographer took some lovely shots of two little girls and commented to the parents that one of the girls (about 5?) looked rather like Angelina Jolie- she had long dark hair and beautiful features. 'Yep' said her Dad ' She's going to have perfect blow job lips!' and they laughed.
I am still really unnerved. Was I B U and prudish?

OP posts:
StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 15:51

classy man!
This is the sort of thing people are complaining about whn they want padded bras for 10yos removed from sale - sexualisation of children

beesimo · 10/04/2011 15:56

I would of spat in his face and if DH had been there put it this way he would of had to be a very fast runner. What is this country coming to when specimens like that actually think they can get away with saying that about a bairn.

Original poster
Kitsichick · 10/04/2011 16:06

BEESIMO do you seriously think spitting in someone's face would be a good mode of behaviour for a 51 year old woman?? Or anyone come to that. I agree it was a horrible thing to hear and to say- but 'spitting' or 'lamping' someone is abhorrent. What would this type of behaviour teach our children or mean to our Society?

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 10/04/2011 16:07

I wish there were a vomit emoticon, I really do. That's disgusting!

If I'd been there I might have been to shocked to speak. Were your DCs there?

Beyond inappropriate on sooooo many levels!

Original poster
Kitsichick · 10/04/2011 16:10

I have just caught up with all this. Here's what I did. I rang the Store Manager but didn't get a very helpful response. So I rang their Head Office and asked for their HR Director's name and address. I have now snail mailed a letter special delivery and copied the Police Station of the town that the store was in. I must STRESS to people who seem NOT to have read my posting that the photographer was in no way involved. I also rang their studios and spoke to him and he had been shocked too. As he had been the one to take the child's picture he does know their name and address and was content to pass it onto the Store and the Police. I think that was very brave of him- he didn't even demur but said he had been worried all night, too. I don't think I can DO any more than this.
Except to add why in the name of heaven would at least two posters say they thought this was 'made up'!

OP posts:
oxocube · 10/04/2011 16:12

revolting

NestaFiesta · 10/04/2011 16:18

OP- I admire you for following this up. You have done exactly the right thing. If he is saying these things in public what is he like at home?

Sadly, sexual language regarding children is all too common. There is a Mum at DC's school who greets her 4 year old daughter with "Come here, sexy!". So I for one beleive that what you heard really did happen.

CheerfulYank · 10/04/2011 16:23

Good for you, I say!

I'm inclined to believe he's just an idiot, ala Jessica Simpson's father discussing her breasts. Usually, in my experience, men who are actually abusing their children are much more secretive about it. :( But you never know, and it would be nice for something to happen for him to realize that his comment was beyond inappropriate; maybe in the future he'll STFU.

Nesta that's gross...who would refer to a 4 year old as sexy?!

beesimo · 10/04/2011 16:27

Kit

Sorry to have shocked you but it is what I would of done, by saying something like that in front of me then him and the woman laughing I would of had to react and leave them in no uncertain terms where I stood on the matter. I couldn't of not said or done anything as by doing nothing you become a party to it its like saying it ok. Far too many people don't want to 'embarrass themselves or make a fuss' I am not one to run away from a confrontation when its needed.

I would never claim to be PC.

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 10/04/2011 16:32

But the options aren't condone it or spit in his face, surely?

BlooferLady · 10/04/2011 16:33

OP I am rather in awe of your having acted on this. well done. I thought it was absolutely chilling and sadly had no difficulty in believing what you had heard.

CheerfulYank · 10/04/2011 16:34

Yes, one could just say "That's a wildly inappropriate thing to say about your own daughter, or say at all as there are many other children here." For starters.

nokissymum · 10/04/2011 16:34

Truly revolting. What a perverse mind.

TheMonster · 10/04/2011 16:49

It is an awful way to describe a child, but I suspect that it was just that: a description.

glasnost · 10/04/2011 16:52

OP did yo ever think of working for the STASI?

Or the latter day speech police?

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 10/04/2011 17:00

DH is never violent but he's told me one of the few times he has REALLY wanted to punch someone (he didn't do it, I must stress!) is when he was telling someone that his DD was called Chelsea - and the bloke said "oh right so she goes down easy then" Angry who says something like that about a child FFS

beesimo · 10/04/2011 17:06

glasnost

To me it isn't a 'figure of speech' to say that about a child it is attitude of mind I cannot understand how a grown man would mention any bairn let alone his own bairn in the context of being good at a sex act.

I wouldn't of reported him as OP did I would of got flaming mad and lost my head which on balance is prehaps not the best way to handle things.

Respect due OP we'll have to agree to disagree on 'direct action' but I think you have done right to report.

mysticpizza · 10/04/2011 18:00

Gross.

Original poster
Kitsichick · 10/04/2011 18:03

Crikey Glasnost- was that meant to insult me? seems a bit strong.
I couldn't do nothing- no- I COULD do nothing but i CHOSE not to. I wouldn't be the spitting or lamping sort and I owuld have been the one who ended up with a record IMHO plus it is hardly a good example to sent my DN's and DSC.
'Kids, watch me -this is what you do when you are outraged!!; NO. I don't think so! So I chose stealth and dignity. If you think that is STASI like, you are entitled to that opinion of course- but I don't agree with you and I wanted to widen the responsibility of what to do about it between more than 'just' me. It got me thinking though....a friend of mine years ago used to say as she watched her daughter running across the playground (DD aged 10) 'Look at the little tushy she's got- she knows how to wag it already! She will have the boys drooling'.
And I never liked that and told her so. RESULT? She told me I was prudish and kids have natural sexuality.

OP posts:
sungirltan · 10/04/2011 18:05

kit - i am so impressed you reported it - and by the sounds of it made the photographer feel a bit better too.

what that parent did was sexualise a child. plain and simple

sungirltan · 10/04/2011 18:09

and 'natural sexuality' oh yuck that is just...yuck! sadly what some children have is sexuality projected on them far too young :-(

alistron1 · 10/04/2011 18:13

Glasnost, if a teacher, nursery worker etc had said that about one of their charges they'd (rightly) lose their job. It's just a really bad thing to say.

Summerbird73 · 10/04/2011 18:27

well done OP - i was Shock reading the thread but feel better now you have reported it - and have the backing of the photographer

a friend of a friend who is a bit of a slapper 'loose woman' said of my then five month old boy that he had come to bed eyes - i felt sick! thankfully she is only someone i see every five years or so and have no friendship with!

excuse my ignorance - what is STASI? i too dont get why glasnost is getting all uppity

MollieO · 10/04/2011 18:33

Stasi were the East German secret police that ecouraged citizens to inform on each other.

OP I think you did exactly the right thing and I admire you for taking action.

Loonytoonie · 10/04/2011 18:38

Wish there was an applauding emoticon. Well done OP. You've done totally the right thing.