Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To be asked to an early afternoon 40th party with kids and then be asked to bring food?

114 replies

carocaro · 08/04/2011 19:43

Someone I know has sent out printed invites to their joint with DH 40th birthday and has just sent a text requesting that we all contribute to the food and drink?

My view is don't have a 40th party at home and spend £ on swanky invites and once your guests have said yes then ask them to bring food.

AIBU

OP posts:

IdontknowwhyIcare · 10/04/2011 10:12

Laquitar sure you can, more the merrier in my book and I love to meet new people assuming you can make it to Dubai for Friday. lol.

Shawarma - like a kebab thing??? The guy comes with the huge kebab shwarma thing and then makes loads of thm as people ask for them. Ds can eat about 10 .

QuintessentialShadows · 10/04/2011 10:12

carocaro Would you REALLY turn down an invite on the basis you have to bring a salad or a pudding?

Your friends most likely dont think their friends are that mean spirited and begrudging.

It was probably just an oversight on their part, and the invitations went out before they realized that they had miscalculated the cost, and then just thought, "hey, this is our friends and family, they wont mind!"

Pretty sad if they were wrong about you, though?

I am honestly less careful with the "proper etiquette" in the company of good friends. I think the person who found me rude, would not be a friend though.

corblimeymadam · 10/04/2011 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laquitar · 10/04/2011 10:20

Ah Dubai is a bit far for me

I would bring a taboule (sp?) salad. With lots of chopped parsley mmmmm.

You 'll make me to go to Edgware Rd now.

exoticfruits · 10/04/2011 11:45

I don't see why it is an issue-either they are proper friends who feel relaxed enough to ask ,and know that people are equally relaxed and won't quibble, or they are not proper friends and so why bother going?
If I was having a 40th birthday party I don't think that I would want the type of person who is going to take offence at a simple request.

MillsAndDoom · 10/04/2011 11:53

I always reply to an invitation with a "What can I bring?" or if we're invited to someone's for coffee then turn up with a cake or if it's drinks then I bring nibbles / chocolates - isn't that normal?

sshnapps · 10/04/2011 12:19

i have never taken food to a party,always take drink. in my opinion im entertaining everyone and wouldnt expect a dish. i find it really odd someone having a party and expect everyone else to cater for it.its cheeky and cheap.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/04/2011 12:20

YABU.

They ought to have put this on the invitation but neglected to. This is no biggie however.

tattiemum · 10/04/2011 12:33

I don't see why some people think the fact it's a birthday party means the hosts should provide everything. It's my birthday in the summer, and I was thinking of inviting friends to a birthday picnic in the park with everyone contributing some food/drink. I think this works especially well when kids are invited, as I've been to parties where my kids don't eat much because it's food they're not used to or don't like, and that makes me feel that we're being rude not eating what's been provided.

If you're good friends, then nobody should be offended by having this type of party, surely? It means everyone knows there will be something there they'll like to eat or drink, and there's not lots of pressure on the host to spend a fortune - everyone can then actually enjoy the whole point of the party, which is to have fun in each other's company.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 10/04/2011 13:05

I don't see the problem either, tattie.

This reminds me of both the BBQ thread and the Christmas one, where the OP had suggested to her family that they might contribute to the shopping bill. People were outraged. Bizarre.

I wonder if those who are so affronted by plate & bottle requests are the same as the ones with the thank you card fixation.

differentnameforthis · 10/04/2011 13:41

The way it usually works here (Australia) is people often offer to 'bring a plate' which means that they are asking if the host would like them to bring some type of food along.

It isn't unusual to be told to 'bring a plate' to low key events.

mylovelymonster · 10/04/2011 14:34

....and it's not just about being able to afford the food for all guests, is it? (maybe it is - maybe it's about putting on a display? - everything seems to be about money) It is a gesture of love to prepare food for real friends, & catering for a big group can be a nightmare timewise & storage space/fridge-wise, so if everyone pitches in it make the load lighter and the party the more enjoyable/convivial with it.
The best parties I've been to, everyone brings their 'speciality' salad/salsas/desserts and it is all delicious & much exchanging of recipes going on.

rubyrubyruby · 10/04/2011 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChunkyPickle · 10/04/2011 14:43

It couldn't be something along the lines of one of the invitees replied wanting special food that they can't provide, so they've hit back with a request for everyone to bring food (and assumed they'd bring food they can eat)?

It just springs to mind that this seems like the kind of advice someone might get from here if they posted in AIBU with 'I just sent out a load of invites for my 40th, and one family has demanded we provide egg, flour, sugar, and dairy free cake for their kids, and only white food for their husband - what should I do'

Flip

1 2 3 4 5