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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be asked to an early afternoon 40th party with kids and then be asked to bring food?

114 replies

carocaro · 08/04/2011 19:43

Someone I know has sent out printed invites to their joint with DH 40th birthday and has just sent a text requesting that we all contribute to the food and drink?

My view is don't have a 40th party at home and spend £ on swanky invites and once your guests have said yes then ask them to bring food.

AIBU

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 08/04/2011 21:29

Wouldn't bother me.

I would always take drinks and offer a dish if attending a house party.

Laquitar · 08/04/2011 21:49

I like the 'bring a dish' parties as they are usually more fun and the food is more interesting.

Cant you make or buy something cheap if you have low budget? Hmm

YABU.

SilverScarf · 08/04/2011 21:55

I think it sounds like fun.

Tie a ribbon round a bottle of plonk, plate of food and voila you have a pressie and fulfil requirements.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 08/04/2011 21:58

YABU - why do you mind exactly?

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 08/04/2011 21:59

I imagine that they got carried away with their own arty skills in designing the invite and forgot to put 'Please bring food and drink' on said invite.
But then in my social circles 'Do you want me to bring any food/drink?' is the standard polite response to a party invite anyway.

cookcleanerchaufferetc · 08/04/2011 23:34

If they are having a proper patty then YANBU. You don't invite people formally to a party then later ask them to bring food etc. The OP says they aren't have g financial problems do YANBU

Browncoats · 09/04/2011 10:13

YABU in my circle of friends we all do this automatically. We have a large get together about twice a month and each of us bring a bottle and a dish. If it was for a birthday we'd bring a present too.

Can't really understand why you have an issue with it TBH.

BabyYoureAFirework · 09/04/2011 10:16

This wouldn't bother me at all. I wouldn't dream of turning up to a party empty-handed anyway.

altinkum · 09/04/2011 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 09/04/2011 12:23

YABU. They are not asking you to provide food for everyone but to bring a contribution.

ihatethecold · 09/04/2011 12:55

yabu

spidookly · 09/04/2011 13:01

YANBU

How tacky

positivesteps · 09/04/2011 13:02

Did they explain why they are asking you to bring food? Eg struggling etc. If they have invited you to their home they should foot the bill. I would always take something to a party anyway or would ask them if they needed anything but wouldn't expect to be asked by the host. Freeloaders ?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 09/04/2011 13:05

YABU. Don't see a problem with this - isn't it courtesy to bring wine or chocolates to a party anyway? I've been to loads of birthdays where people bring a dish.

eaglewings · 09/04/2011 13:07

How do you know they are not struggling for money?

Big house = big payments

Maybe a relative is sick and they are paying the nursing home fees

A party is about fun, or should be!

The printed 'posh' invites to my dh 40th were free as I used a company that was doing a promotion and gave them away. They are still doing that for new customers

YABU

BringBackGoingForGold · 09/04/2011 13:14

Depends what spirit the food thing was meant in. Obviously I don't know, but I'd imagine it was, as someone says above, a pot luck type thing ? lots of friends bring all different dishes, everyone tucks in, informal and relaxed and fun. In which case, that's the style of party they were going for and YABU. If the tone is more like 'We need you to contribute to food' then perhaps YANBU. But I'd always assume that the former was true. And I'd ALWAYS turn up at a party with at least a nice bottle, and for a 40th probably chocs/posh crisps/nice olives and stuff as well.

LynetteScavo · 09/04/2011 13:19

As already said, you can get printed invitations for free.

have they said what they want you to bring? How much notice have they given? Maybe the person organising the food has a personal problem, hence the text.

They obviously consider you a closer friend than you consider them. YABU.

londonartemis · 09/04/2011 13:22

YANBU - they should have put it on the invitation in the first place.
It is a cheek to invite you to a party, you accept, and THEN they request you bring food.

It would be different if the invitation stated food, or that you offered to bring some and your offer was accepted.

positivesteps · 09/04/2011 13:23

Difference is yes might turn up at a party with these things but don't think you should be asked to as that is rude unless they are some issues which they have explained . Its all about the tone too.
I think if you all had been out for coffee or something with the person whose birthday is and were discussing it oh what can we do for your 40th and then a jacobs join was mentioned fair enough. But just sending an invite without prior discussion for food etc and expecting this would really look rude.

positivesteps · 09/04/2011 13:29

Going to the trouble of sending out an invite to their home then sAying oh and by the way bring your own food its just not nice. V cheeky.

Asinine · 09/04/2011 15:43

YABU just go and enjoy yourself. If you don't want to take food just take a bottle. People always bring too much anyway.

Prunnhilda · 09/04/2011 15:51

I LOVE pot luck parties.
It's not really part of mainstream British culture (at least not where I come from) but I used to have a lot of N American friends and it was totally normal and expected that you could be asked to bring a dish of food (you'd be told 'bring a starter/something savoury/a pudding').
I feel we are less inclined to have parties now because we can't face the catering Sad

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/04/2011 15:52

I think it is quite wrong to invite people to a party and expect them to provide the food. But then I live in a world where almost everyone I know is able to afford to spend a few hundred quid on food for a party. If I had friends or relatives who could not afford this, then it would be absolutely no problem to me if the food became a joint effort between all the guests. But I would expect to be asked beforehand - not on the invite and not in a text message sent after the acceptance.

Prunnhilda · 09/04/2011 15:53

It isn't about money. It's convivial and it means more parties, in the long run.

cazza40 · 09/04/2011 15:56

Yabu why can't you just bring a bottle and a simple dish along ? I have been to lots of parties where I have had to do this and have not been offended at all ! Lots of people are hard up at the moment . Surely its better to get out and socialise than be stuck inside ?

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