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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely furious

110 replies

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 15:44

Dh has a close family to say the least, they would arguably rival the Windsors.
Anyway, on Mother's Day we suggested taking his mother out for the day, which she managed to turn into the usual palava inviting one of DH's brothers, his wife and their 2 children, whose best behaviour is not the err...best. Also came was FIL's brother and wife and one of their son's and their children who are 12,9 and 7 and frankly are like hooligans.

ANYWAY, where we went was a sort of rundown castle, lots of child friendly activites etc, one of which was crossing a fairly shallow river on stepping stones. So all the children were crossing this, I was sat on the bank with my youngest who is still a baby, and DH, BIL and their cousin were helping the kids. DD got a bit panicky when crossing the stones and was dithering a bit. After around 10secs, DH cousin's eldest came up behind her and shoved her so hard she literally was thrown in the air and landed around a metre from where she was standing having banged her head pretty bloody hard on the stepping stone. Then the cousin's three kids came up and started kicking her, she was now in the river, and throwing water all over and calling her names. Dh's cousin and his wife at no point intervened, and neither did MIL or Dh's uncle and aunt. DH and myself left immediately and took her to hospital to get her checked over, no damage but she was hysterical.

Anyway, the orginal plan following the day out was to return to our house for food which DH and I were cooking. We obviously assumed given the events this would not be occuring but at 5, MIL, DH's uncle and aunt, cousin, wife and children appeared expecting to be fed. Cue massive argument as we were told that "kids will be kids"

AIBU to not want my DC around these people, this however will prove hard as such a close family

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 06/04/2011 19:58

Oh my god! I thought it was bad when I assumed you dd is older but 3!!!!! The poor thing! I can't believe a) the kids thought it ok to attack a small child, b) their parents didn't stop them and c) the actions were defended by other adults particularly your MIL. Good for you having words and not sitting down to a meal like it was all fine. No YANBU. How have things been left with your in laws?

edam · 06/04/2011 20:03

The more I think about this the more I agree with Karma - you should phone the police. Children who behave like this and who have parents who collude with them are a danger to everyone else around them. If they are not pulled up, what will they do to the next small child who crosses their path? What would they have done to your dd if they'd been out of your sight?

This was a serious assault. The 12yo is over the age of criminal responsibility. If you report it to the police, the vile parents might have to wake up and realise they cannot allow their vile offspring to torment and assault smaller children.

NotQuiteCockney · 06/04/2011 20:05

I don't think kids being rough and unruly is that startling. (Bad, yes. Unacceptable, yes. But not shocking.) What has me Shock is the fact that no adults, other than you and your DH, felt compelled to intervene.

ZenNudist · 06/04/2011 20:05

Just read your last posts, I see, I can't believe your MIL is sticking up for your dh's cousin. Is she blind and stupid or just exceptionally stubborn? I hope you can stay away from these horrible children in future.

LittleMissFluffBrain · 06/04/2011 20:09

Jeez. You most definitely are NOT BU, I wouldn't be going within miles of them ever again! Kids will be kids?! When they've shoved your DD into a river and started kicking her?! Hmm, I don't think so. That's not kids behaviour, that's violent thug behaviour.
I'd have told them to get lost too.

Casserole · 06/04/2011 20:12

I am literally sitting with my mouth hanging open. That's one of the most shocking things I've ever read on here.

Absolutely do not let them have any contact with your children. Anyone who condoned that, child or adult, would not be coming anywhere near me or mine for a very, very VERY long time.

LittleMissFluffBrain · 06/04/2011 20:15

OMFG just to add only just realised your DD is only 3, that's even worse than if they were all 12! It's outrageous regardless of age, but that makes it worse!
A bunch of 12 YEAR olds shove and kick a 3 year old, that's animal behaviour, I wouldn't give a shit whether they were family or not, if anyone did that to my 3 year old I would go mental!
Bunch of thugs the whole lot of them. I wouldn't be going near any of them again that's for sure.

bringinghomethebacon · 06/04/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emio · 06/04/2011 20:21

Hell to the NO.
I wouldn't have them near my children/in my house after that! sound like a bunch of animals.

LittleMissFluffBrain · 06/04/2011 20:23

Do you know what, thinking about it, GO TO THE POLICE. It was a serious assault. What would have happened to your poor dd if you and your husband were not there/looking the other way? It sounds like what happened to Jamie Bulger and you are seriously lucky that you saw it all and intervened. It doesn't bare to think what could have happened if no adults had been present. Sad If they are willing to act like that IN FRONT of adults what the hell would they be like if there were no adults about? Shock

blackeyedsusan · 06/04/2011 20:25

definately second calling nspcc. possibly social services. not so sure about the police but don't let that stop you if you feel the need after all you are the one that knows what really happened. can't get my head round why anyone thinks it is rough and tumble

Clytaemnestra · 06/04/2011 20:30

The thought of them behaving like that makes me feel sick, your poor DD.

I would not have anything to do with the cousin and children full stop. And I wouldn't let my kids be looked after by any of the others, ever.

heliumballoons · 06/04/2011 20:37
Shock

I'm so sorry this was your mothers day. YANBU.

Sorry I'm actually speechless and cannot think of any more to add except Sad and Angry on yours and dd's behalf.

bochead · 06/04/2011 20:45

Police and social services need to be informed before these children REALLY hurt someone. If they are like this in front of their parents, what happens when someone upsets them if they are playing out with no adults to intervene? Thank god you were there to help her!

The 12 year old can still be saved from a certain long term prison sentence as soon as 18 hits, if taught NOW about empathy (seriously for a 12 year old to think this behavior is normal is pyschopathic!). It will need specialist inetrvention to do so, and for that the authorities need to know.

You'd actually be doing the children that attacked a favour in the long term by raising the alarm now. They are still children and I'm a firm believer that every child deserves a chance at a decent life by being taught basic skills.

The MIL would NEVER be left alone with MY children again. I'd left her son explain to her that she was no longer trusted and why as it's his mother. As a "close" family let them sort out their own issues and not let those issues repeat on my kids into another generation. There's an acceptance of feral dysfunction with that family that I'd refuse to nurture, instead happily leaving it to wither and die on the vine where my own kids are concerned.

Some things just aren't negotiable - she's entitled to her opinion & I'm entitled to keep my children safe and away from malign infuences. If we as parents can't step up to the plate and protect our kids who the hell else will?

I also thought "shades of Jamie Bulger". These kids need urgent help before it's too late. In the meantime be proud that your own sons tried to help - that took courage on their part.

MadamDeathstare · 06/04/2011 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skinit · 06/04/2011 21:08

I agree.....if those kids had done this to a neighbours child or to one at school then there's nodoubt that polics anD SS would be called....why let them get away with it because they're relatives...call the police and you might save another child from serious hurt. Sad

MyMILisfromHELL · 06/04/2011 21:14

YANBU ... do your MIL and her 'crew' have any class? Your poor little DD. Glad you sent them packing. If I were you I would wait for an apology before (if ever) seeing them again x

PoppetUK · 06/04/2011 21:21

I would have gone nuts there and then but there and then no two ways about it. Hope she's ok now.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 06/04/2011 21:33

I second everyone saying the police need to be informed. God forbid if they were to get hold of another little girl for their sadistic pleasure. My blood runs cold.
As for MIL, what will it take for her to feel protective of her grandaughter?Hmm My DD's wouldn't ever be left in her care again unless she promised not to have them in the company of these animals, and she admitted that their behaviour was abhorrent and unnaceptable.

RachelHRD · 06/04/2011 22:03

Good grief nextchapter this is just horrific. I can't believe the parents did nothing Shock To do that to a 3 year old is unforgivable.

As for your MIL she should be ashamed of herself - I recall your Xmas thread when she and some more of your DH's family more than outstayed their welcome. She needs telling straight that if she condones that sort of abuse of her GC then she clearly cannot be trusted to look after them.

Poor you being put in this awful position. I hope your DD manages to get over it and put it behind her soon. Definitely sever ties with the cousins kids from now on. I also agree with PP's about possibly involving the police - I would tell the cousin you are going to involve them unless their DC's are suitably punished and made to apologise for their appauling behaviour.

pingu2209 · 06/04/2011 22:07

That is not reasonable behaviour. My ds is 3 and she has cousins of similar ages. They are not excellently behaved but by no means would they ever ever hurt her. If anything they would have been overly keen to hold her hand to help her across the stream and the 13 year old would have been offering to carry her.

You are not unreasonable. Stand firm.

GColdtimer · 06/04/2011 22:21

I am absolutely astounded that grandparents as well as other adults would not be sickened by this behaviour. If a stranger did this to your child you would call the police. And I think that is what I would be doing. they assulted your daughter.

TandB · 06/04/2011 22:22

OP, I deal with some pretty off-the-rails young people through work. Most of my young teenage clients would be horrified if they saw another child attacking a three year-old like that.

You really need to be thinking very seriously about cutting all ties with these people.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 06/04/2011 22:39

I don't blame you one bit for being uneasy about leaving your kids with your MIL, her attitude is a fucking disgrace.

How is your DD today? Poor little mite Sad

pigletmania · 06/04/2011 22:43

Disgusting behaviour, some people really take the biscuit. If that had been my child doing this horrid behaviour I would have been mortified and disciplined my child for this. Dont have anything to do with them if you can help it.

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