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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely furious

110 replies

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 15:44

Dh has a close family to say the least, they would arguably rival the Windsors.
Anyway, on Mother's Day we suggested taking his mother out for the day, which she managed to turn into the usual palava inviting one of DH's brothers, his wife and their 2 children, whose best behaviour is not the err...best. Also came was FIL's brother and wife and one of their son's and their children who are 12,9 and 7 and frankly are like hooligans.

ANYWAY, where we went was a sort of rundown castle, lots of child friendly activites etc, one of which was crossing a fairly shallow river on stepping stones. So all the children were crossing this, I was sat on the bank with my youngest who is still a baby, and DH, BIL and their cousin were helping the kids. DD got a bit panicky when crossing the stones and was dithering a bit. After around 10secs, DH cousin's eldest came up behind her and shoved her so hard she literally was thrown in the air and landed around a metre from where she was standing having banged her head pretty bloody hard on the stepping stone. Then the cousin's three kids came up and started kicking her, she was now in the river, and throwing water all over and calling her names. Dh's cousin and his wife at no point intervened, and neither did MIL or Dh's uncle and aunt. DH and myself left immediately and took her to hospital to get her checked over, no damage but she was hysterical.

Anyway, the orginal plan following the day out was to return to our house for food which DH and I were cooking. We obviously assumed given the events this would not be occuring but at 5, MIL, DH's uncle and aunt, cousin, wife and children appeared expecting to be fed. Cue massive argument as we were told that "kids will be kids"

AIBU to not want my DC around these people, this however will prove hard as such a close family

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 06/04/2011 16:21

Fucking hell that's awful...

I may well have threatened them with Police.

I'd have got up and left and told them never to come near us again.

With some choice language thrown in.

Buda · 06/04/2011 16:22

Well your DH may well be close to his family but there is no way he can condone that behaviour surely?

I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that that bunch of louts were not coming next to or near you or your children again. Ever. Not even open for discussion.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 06/04/2011 16:27

YANB at all U. For the 12 year old boy to shove a three year old girl to the ground (river bed) and then start kicking and calling her names is awful. For the 9 and 7 year old to join in is rather disturbing. They acted like a pack. I would not be happy leaving younger children anywhere near them. This time it happened in plain sight. If they were at a family home, and the children went off playing outside, there might not be anyone to put a stop to it.

I hope your DD is feeling a bit better and well done to her brothers for trying to protect her.

diddl · 06/04/2011 16:29

OP-did you end up feeding them at 5-or telling them to piss off not?

KaraStarbuckThrace · 06/04/2011 16:30

Your DD is 3? OMG her cousins are fucking vile to have done that, but their parents and PILs are far worse for not intervening.

Your DH should have told them to fuck off and slam the door in their face.

Quenelle · 06/04/2011 16:31

YADNBU

What horrible, horrible people.

If your DH starts feeling the need to not 'rock the boat' he need only remind himself of the image of his 3 year old daughter being kicked on the ground by three older children.

Original poster
nextchapter · 06/04/2011 16:36

Oh we did tell them to fuck off in no uncertain terms. We had literally just got in from the hospital with DD, my parents were looking after DSs for us and who were also furious, when they all appeared. FIL and BIL did have to good grace not to though. I told them pretty plainly that taking my three year old to hospital was not the Mother's day I had hoped for and if I ever saw their little bastards near my children again I would be repeating to them what they did to her. She was absolutely soaking bless her and the Doctor said she was lucky to not have smashed her head open.

OP posts:
WassaAxolotl · 06/04/2011 16:39

The rest may be close, but the closeness doesn't extend to your three-year-old, does it?

Put your foot down, and keep it there!

FabbyChic · 06/04/2011 16:39

Thats outrageous the other children should have been reprimanded, a three year old child, kicked for fun? OMG it's disgusting behaviour.

MadamDeathstare · 06/04/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nextchapter · 06/04/2011 16:42

I feel totally disgusted with myself for even letting them near our beautiful children. MIL text me not long ago saying we should let "bygones be bygones and move on". I sent one back saying that's the last thing we shall be doing and if she so much as lets my children near those animals again it will be the last she sees of them. This is her grandaughter for god's sake! This is just the latest in a long line of stunts she's pulled

OP posts:
jeckadeck · 06/04/2011 16:43

YANBU. And to be honest it sounds like the family is being a little vindictive in the way they are responding to you. I can't see how any rational person could fail to understand why the mother of a 3-year old daughter ganged up on by much other children would be upset. You are well within your rights to tell DH you refuse to see them again.

Original poster
nextchapter · 06/04/2011 16:44

She needs to learn that my children are MINE. Not hers and what I say goes

OP posts:
larrygrylls · 06/04/2011 16:45

Seriously?

A 12, 9 and 7 year old attack a 3 year old and then kick her when she is down in the water? What would have happened had the parents not been there? Not rough and tumble (and I am a rairly robust parent) but shades of Jamie Bulger.

I would warn personally insist that you speak to the three children on your own and give them the bollocking of all time, with the threat of the police if they fail to listen. In addition, they need a serious punishment to match what they did. And, if anything like it ever were to happen again, straight to the police.

diddl · 06/04/2011 16:46

"The rest may be close, but the closeness doesn't extend to your three-year-old, does it?"

I agree.

Your husband can keep contact with his brother & mum, but he doesn´t have to involve any of your children until the thugs cousins learn to behave.

Tell MIL to let someone kick her whilst she´s dowwn & then see how she feels about letting bygones be bygones.

Original poster
nextchapter · 06/04/2011 16:47

I agree totally larry. And as it is DH's cousin's children I think it will be much easier to keep our distance

OP posts:
WassaAxolotl · 06/04/2011 16:47

Tell your MIL that you don't feel you have the moral right to let "bygones be bygones"; it was your daughter who was the victim, and you have a duty to protect her.

And tell her to pull herself together.

MadamDeathstare · 06/04/2011 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 06/04/2011 16:49

I totally understand why you're calling them animals etc, but I wouldn't use that language when you talk to your MIL about them. It gives her an easy excuse to ignore you and say you're over-reacting. You're not.

WassaAxolotl · 06/04/2011 16:50

I didn't want to say it first, but I'm thinking of James Bulger, too.

larrygrylls · 06/04/2011 16:52

Next,

I guess, but that behaviour is, as someone says, pack like, cruel and totally indefensible. I would seriously have to restrain myself if 3 older children did that to my son (22 months), no matter who they were. I am not usually one to suggest getting other bodies involved but I am not sure they should be allowed near small children without supervision in the near future. In the old days you could rely on the police to put the fear of god into them but, these days, with everything being computerised and SS getting involved, it is hard to know what to do for the best. A quiet word with their school, perhaps, so they can keep an eye on them?

MadamDeathstare · 06/04/2011 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontGoCurly · 06/04/2011 16:55

YANBU

Those kids are thugs!

Get your DH to have strong words with his BIL Grrrr on your behalf !

CotswoldCountryMummy · 06/04/2011 16:56

that is horrendous. Can't imagine how i would react if someone did that to my child or anyone elses. YANBU. I wouldn't allow them anywhere near your children again until they stop behaving like savages.

Original poster
nextchapter · 06/04/2011 16:58

Sorry for misleading anyone. It isnt BIL's kids. Its DH's COUSIN'S kid's. Is there a mumsnet abbriviation for that?!

I am going to tell DH that we are giving his cousin's family a wide berth for the next 3 months to let DD feel secure again, and then we may possibly begin seeing them at family occassions i.e. birthdays and when we have to e.g. cricket and they will NOT be socialising with us outside of that. And he can tell his bloody mother

OP posts: