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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be absolutely furious

110 replies

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 15:44

Dh has a close family to say the least, they would arguably rival the Windsors.
Anyway, on Mother's Day we suggested taking his mother out for the day, which she managed to turn into the usual palava inviting one of DH's brothers, his wife and their 2 children, whose best behaviour is not the err...best. Also came was FIL's brother and wife and one of their son's and their children who are 12,9 and 7 and frankly are like hooligans.

ANYWAY, where we went was a sort of rundown castle, lots of child friendly activites etc, one of which was crossing a fairly shallow river on stepping stones. So all the children were crossing this, I was sat on the bank with my youngest who is still a baby, and DH, BIL and their cousin were helping the kids. DD got a bit panicky when crossing the stones and was dithering a bit. After around 10secs, DH cousin's eldest came up behind her and shoved her so hard she literally was thrown in the air and landed around a metre from where she was standing having banged her head pretty bloody hard on the stepping stone. Then the cousin's three kids came up and started kicking her, she was now in the river, and throwing water all over and calling her names. Dh's cousin and his wife at no point intervened, and neither did MIL or Dh's uncle and aunt. DH and myself left immediately and took her to hospital to get her checked over, no damage but she was hysterical.

Anyway, the orginal plan following the day out was to return to our house for food which DH and I were cooking. We obviously assumed given the events this would not be occuring but at 5, MIL, DH's uncle and aunt, cousin, wife and children appeared expecting to be fed. Cue massive argument as we were told that "kids will be kids"

AIBU to not want my DC around these people, this however will prove hard as such a close family

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 06/04/2011 16:59

this is genuinely one of the most appalling things I have read on here. Ican't believe she is only 3.

The whole thing is beyond belief really. How any parent can think that is in any way acceptable. I hate to think what those kids are going to be like in their teens.

bubblecoral · 06/04/2011 17:02

You have exactly the right attitude towards this, and I'm glad your DH seems to be backing you up.

I'm not sure whats worse, what was done to your dd or the fact that the adults around them condoned it.

Disgusting and shocking behaviour!

WassaAxolotl · 06/04/2011 17:06

Their behaviour was practically the definition of Problem Family, innit?

The parents wouldn't even intervene when it was a related three-year-old.

Young Offenders' Institutions/Prisons beckon, I think.

Happylander · 06/04/2011 17:11

There is no way on earth that I would let those children or adults near my DS if they ever did that. If my MIL didn't intervene then she wouldn't be bloody seeing my DS either. How dare they not do anything and not apologise. I would be quite tempted to call the childrens school and inform them of their behaviour and see if they have had any concerns raised about them before. No doubt they will be making front page news of their local newspapers soon with ASBO's.

I really hope your DD is okay and that your other children are dealing with what they saw as well. Poor kids.

mrskbpw · 06/04/2011 17:16

That's really horrific. Like others have said, I am quite a slack relaxed parent, but that is not rough and tumble; it's violent bullying. I agree with all those who mentioned they were lucky that you didn't go to the police - you still could actually as her injuries will have been logged at hospital. Poor little girl. Hope she's getting over it now and hope her brothers got extra cuddles for being so brave and trying to help.

yousankmybattleship · 06/04/2011 17:20

Oh my Effin God! YA definitely NBU. They were lucky you didn't call the police. They sound like a bunch of animals. I hope your DD is feeling better now.

nobodyimportant · 06/04/2011 17:25

OMG YA so NBU Shock

fedupofnamechanging · 06/04/2011 17:26

I would report this to the police. It's not too late. Those kids need intervention before they seriously harm someone and it wouldn't do their parents any harm either to have it brought home just how serious this is.

Your DH shouldn't want to have any more contact with these people - this is his daughter they've assaulted. Fuck keeping the peace. I'd cut them off (MIL too) without a moments hesitation.

Pixieonthemoor · 06/04/2011 17:31

Utterly flabbergasted!! I would have a very very long conversation with MIL and, if serious apologies and promises to amend this disgusting behaviour were not forthcoming then I would cut the lot of them off without a second thought. Your DD is 3!! You had to go to HOSPITAL!! Frankly I am fuming on your behalf. Hope your dd is feeling a little better, poor little thing.

diddl · 06/04/2011 17:44

So it´s not also MILs GC?
So why in god´s name would she be more concerned about them compared to your daughter?

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 17:47

Nooo, the children in question are dh's cousin's children. Not sure what relation that is

OP posts:
QuoththeRaven · 06/04/2011 17:52

this is absolutely sickening. at the most you should photograph your daughters injuries and contact the police. the least is bar dhs cousins kids from being anywhere near your dd. Poor thing :( Im so glad she wasn't badly hurt and hopefully will recover quickly from the trauma.

Bulger rang in my mind too. you know.. i can't even explain what i feel about those kids verbally. it gives me shivers.

Notalone · 06/04/2011 17:57

Shock. YADNBU - fucking disgusting outrageous behaviour. How DARe they come back for food too. Am so Angry on your behalf

GiddyPickle · 06/04/2011 18:02

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellybeansontoast · 06/04/2011 18:08

Your DH's cousin's children (there should be an abbreviation for that, it's a right mouthful!) are going to have serious issues when they're older if they get away with such disgusting behaviour now. At 12 years old, if I'd even accidentally tripped a toddler I would have been mortified. They need to be given short shrift, but unfortunately it doesn't seem like that'll happen. The parents are just making a rod for their own back - in five years those kids will be in troublewith the police,if not sooner.

The best thing you can do is keep your lovely family away from those bastards. I have rarely been so angry at anything I've read on here.

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 18:25

Myself and DH have agreed that the children will be no where near theirs for the forseeable future and we will be meeting will their parents to discuss what happened as it is unacceptable that our children have been put in this position

OP posts:
droves · 06/04/2011 18:27

Id phone the police and ask them to have a word with the other children. The 12 year old could be charged with assault in scotland.

Your MIL is vile, her granchild is assaulted and she does nothing.

claireabo · 06/04/2011 18:28

I hope your DD is feeling better soon, I am sorry you all had to go through this awful experience. I am too shocked to say anything useful about your MIL , or other members of your DH`s family .

leeloo1 · 06/04/2011 18:36

Your poor DD. Reading your OP I was picturing another 12 year old - which would have been bad enough - but to then read that the 12, 9 and 7 year old were physically attacking a 3 year old? I feel sick thinking about it, so can only imagine what you are going through.

Great that you're going to talk to their parents, but if they sat and watched this appalling display are they going to care what you say? I'd second contacting schools/police/social services (maybe call NSPCC to ask who'd they'd suggest notifying?) who knows if these troubled children have 'access' to other small children and I'm sure you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to another child when you'd seen what they can be like. :(

nextchapter · 06/04/2011 18:42

Frankly, as far as I can see the main problem is that they get away with everything and have never, to my knowledge, been punished. Apparantly "kids just grow out of it".

I think we are just meeting as DH needs to express himself, he is so very close to his family but this NEEDS to be done and he just has to cut the apron strings. MIL normally has the children on thursday but I simply dont feel comfortable sending them

OP posts:
zukiecat · 06/04/2011 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zukiecat · 06/04/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

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GiddyPickle · 06/04/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

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FABsBackAndIsWell · 06/04/2011 19:00

My God! It was bad enough when I thought your DD was 12 but she is 3?!?!? Fucking hell.

I would be having words ffs.

Yukana · 06/04/2011 19:08

I have to agree that your family should come before your relatives. And that is disgusting behavior from the in laws and the children doing that to your DD.

I would say they are not welcome, and stand your ground. Don't let them walk over you.

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