to use the disabled toilet in this situation?

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

I took mine and my sister's DCs for a nice day out to the cinema. There was just me and 4 kids aged between 3 and 5. After we bought our tickets I took them to the Ladies toilet, they were all engaged and there were a few people waiting.

I decided not to wait and took the DCs out to the disabled toilet as there was no one using or waiting for it. When we had all finished we were washing our hands when someone tried the door, one of the DCs had unlocked it and this woman in a wheelchair came in with her partner, I said I won't be a minute. She glared at me and muttered some things.

I was really embarrassed that I had been caught out using the disabled toilet and I wanted to apologise to the lady for keeping her waiting (for less than a minute!) but she was really, really angry. The DCs ran out in opposite directions and I quickly said sorry to the lady and as I walked off she screamed "Bitch!" at me. I never turned back to look at her. I don't think the DCs noticed anything!

I was so upset I couldn't get it out of my head throughout the film, and it ruined my day. I don't think what I did was that bad. I thought that woman was really horrible. AIBU?

Jazmyn I can't believe you think it could be alright for someone with a disability to wet / soil themselves whilst waiting for a disabled loo which is being unfairly occupied, just because 'other precautions' might have been taken. Do you have any idea how humiliating that is for the person?

i can just picture it the local Odean a que of women hitching up their skirts peeing on rubber plants.

Seriously the poin people are missing is dissabled toilets are not for sole use to disabled people. they are for every one.

the disabled toilet very, very realy have a que so as long as every one is conciderate and respectful then there should be no issue.

Also what would you do if there is ONLY a dissabled toilet about like many small cafes?

How do you become 'registered as disabled?'

I have a blue badge but am not entitled to any benefits, even though I can't work my normal job. I am not sure there is such a thing as being registered tbh, do you get a special pass that you can whip out and show people who question you?

Artic
No, obviously if it is a baby changing then it can be used as such. I don't agree with companies doing this though, they should put a fold down baby changing table in both ladies and gents loo.

The peeing in the bushes comment was a bit tongue in cheek.

Actually, as someone who has occasion to need the accessible toilets I think they are just that: toilets which are fully accessible. That it is perfectly reasonable to use them but that disabled people should have priority use.

But I may be wrong, there doesn't seem to be a commonly understood 'norm' - not legally designated like Blue Badge parking spaces.

Ideally all toilets would be accessible to disabled people, but space usually precludes that.

And of course, lots of drivers think it perfectly OK to stop in disabled parking space as long as a traffic warden isn't looking, waiting f someone to dash into a shop, fo instance - thereby filling the space and making it unavalable to the disabled driver cruising round the town centre looking for a space.

So although the woman was rude and unecessarily nasty, spare a thought fo the level of frustration and exclusion and exasperation that makes even the saintly lose ther cool and snap frm time to time.

Valium you can't get registered disabled, you use to be able but they stopped it, your proof of disability is either a diagnosis, DLA, doctors letter maybe some others but those are the ones off the top of my head.

It is not black/white though.

My dad uses the disabled loos if the gents are only accessible via a flight of stairs as he has COPD and has trouble with stairs.

He wouldn't use a disabled loo in a normal situation, despite having a blue badge, and qualifying for mobility. So officially as close to "qualified disabled" as you can get.

I don't think you did anything terrible. FFS, all you did was take your kids into the disabled toilet, it's not as if you banged on the door and told someone to hurry up because your precious child needed to loo. At the end of the day if the toilet was empty why the hell not? If I had been waiting outside I would have understood. And, as a non-disabled toilet user, I would rather that than have to endure other people's kids shouting "Mummy I need a wee NOW" in the queue making me keep checking the floor to make sure I haven't stepped in anything.

yanbu . Disabled toilets are for the use of disabled people , but given the circumstances ( 4 under 5yrs kids with you) i think its ok that you used the disabled toilet. It was a one off , and wasnt being used.
The woman in the wheelchair was very rude. There is no reason for her to swear infront of the children.

I also have used disabled toilets with my DD4 , and have came across rudeness from (mostly elderly) people, with walking frames, sticks ect.

Thing is though DD4 is autistic with severe learning difficulties.

She LOOKS like a normal 3 year old. She is nearly 6 , has to wear nappies because she is doubly incontinent and has vision problems,and hypermobility .She is about as far from normal as you can get.
But we get nasty comments ,and tuts because she is a pretty little girl (im not biased , she is stunning to look at).

Why should i have to explain my dd's condition to everyone who uses the loo/parking space after we do ? You cant always tell disability by looking.

Lol we even got accused of stealing a radar key ! wtf ?.

Its a toilet , put it in perspective.

I am boggled at the amount of precious people on this thread who seem unable to cope with simple situations.

If your baby needs changing, rather than go into a disabled toilet to do it, why not:
-Move to another shop that has a baby change facility
-Change babies nappy in buggy (VERY simple, just lay buggy flat and slide mat underneath them.

• Change nappy in car, or on lap.

-put older toddlers in pull-ups that can be changed standing up.

People USED to be able to manage these things you know.

Plus, the ignorance that people are showing about disability is astounding. My DM has a colostomy bag, uses a catheter, and has trouble standing still for even short periods due to using crutches to walk. So not only does she need the disabled toilets for the fact that the sink is in the same room as the toilet (not much fun changing a colostomy bag with no private sink access- maybe you'd like to try it?!), she also has incontinence so can't wait for any period of time, plus even if she didn't have any of these problems, she wouldn't be able to queue for any length of time due to crutches.

As a result she has to make sure she is always in easy reach of disabled toilet facilities, so much so that it effects the places she can/will visit. I'm sure the person who is changing their baby or taking 4 kids to the toilet in the disabled loo, wouldn't know/care about any of this.

Arctic - what a ridiculous question re baby changing. You're meant to use the floor.

"Actually, I think that a disabled loo should be available for anyone who has a permanent or temporary illness that makes waiting for a loo to become available difficult.

Not for those who cannot be bothered to wait, or don't want to leave their children outside the cubicle for a moment."

I totally agree with this.

Its only common sense that if everyone used the disabled loo as a matter of course then it would be almost constantly engaged and the 'I was only there for a minute, nobody was waiting' argument would fall flat on its arse.

I think Gemsy is getting a lot of stick for not much here. The OP didn't have hidden disabilities, she said she used the disabled because she didn't want to queue, not because you can't use non-disabled toilets when you have children, or she had a buggy or it was the baby change room too or the family toilet or it was the only loo so its not unreasonable to get frustrated when you have a barrage of irrelevant questions along the lines of "what if the OP needed to change a nappy/had crawling twins/has continence issues, has to get the bus to the non disabled toilets".

You can't tell an adult or a child is disabled just by looking at them. For all she knew you may have been disabled. Her behaviour is apalling.
'Disabled' loos are in fact simply more accessible facilities. Accompanied by 4 young children certainly qualifies you to need such accessible facilities. I have no problem with your actions. If there's an issue it's with the cinema who plainly have inadequate facilities for their number of customers.

Where is the OP?

Missmyoldname some might argue that having a colosomy isnt really disabled.
Its the old thing .... if you dont have wheels ,your not in the gang ! iykwim?

mabey they should make "additional needs toilets " and "wheelchair toilets" ?

Yanbu regular people have to wait sometimes, why couldn't someone go a wheelchair wait two minutes? She sounds awful

Aww i'm not against her and my son is SN (severly!).

Come back OP.

I've changed nappies with the child on my lap plenty of times, it's not hard.

I've read most of this thread and it's the usual selfishness, people with babies apparently welded to their buggies, someone even thinks that having a child is like being temporarily disabled, yeah yeah, nothing new I thought.

Except one thing, using a disabled toilet for breastfeeding?! Apart from the fact that almost anywhere would be nicer than sitting on a toilet (and I always managed to feed in all sorts of places without flashing my boobs at passing strangers thanks very much), you could easily be in there for half an hour. Unbelievable!

Zero - because many people in wheelchairs/ with other mobility problems take longer to get to the toilet, so by the time they get there they REALLY need it!

Double that if they get there and find the 'accessible' toilet is locked and are supposed to go get a key and come back [M1 service stations], or it's not obvious where it is in the first place.

Not that need excuses shouting at the OP.

OK Gemsy I haven't read all your posts but I get the jist. So tell me what I should do - I don't have a disability but I have 2.3 yo DS with SN he can't stand and can't safely sit. He is still small enough to sit in a double buggy with his 7 month old brother. The double buggy would not fit into a two cubicle toilet facility so I had to use the disabled toilet. DS will not be mobile for the forseeable future but I will not leave him outside by himself especially as he can't let me know he's ok! Tell me whats equal about a person with a disability being able to go somewhere that I can't? Yes I chose to have two children close together but I didn't choose to have one with special needs!

Thanks Wineclub, some people need a scapegoat to try and justify their own selfish views I guess.

1980Sport
I wrote, "Or to families whose children have SN, such as Aspergers or ASD - and sometimes need to use disabled loos to keep their children safe"

I don't know if you said in your first post about your elder DS having SN, I could not find the original post, but in your case of course you should use the disabled facilities.

What I get annoyed at is people who think that it is unreasonable to leave a child (a NT child, not one with SN) outside a cubicle while you have a quick wee.

A lot of disabled loos here are the place with the changing table, and they are also the only ones big enough to go into with three kids in tow, so I think YANBU. Who said just because somebody is in a wheelchair that they shouldn't have to wait for a loo?

Yrnbu! I use the disabled if I can't get double buggy in normal loo!