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Am I or is the other mother?

87 replies

rebl · 05/04/2011 19:52

1st of, I can't understand why people have time to actually care about this enough to then make a massive deal over it. And then I can't actually understand why I've gone and risen to it other than its completely caught me out of the blue and now its bothering me that I'm having to make a massive deal of it on a forum just to get it out of my system so to speak!

I have b/g twins who until Feb half term were in the same reception class as each other in the same school. DS was exceptionally unhappy and we moved him at Feb half term to a different school. Left dd at the old school. She has a strong friendship group. DS won't go back to the old school even to pick up dd and its obviously extremely difficult as you can imagine for us. We have professionals working with ds over his anxieties, its that serious. As you can gather just from that we have real things to worry about so why I've risen to this I can't understand!

My dd has a friend A. My ds doesn't dislike her but isn't friends with her. DS has hit A on a number of occasions (he has SN and hits when not properly supported which is ultimatly why we moved him). A's mother complained to the school and specifically asked the school to keep A away from DS. She then came round to our house and laid into me about DS and how someone like him shouldn't be allowed in a mainstream school. I was very restrained then and didn't rise to her, mainly because quite honestly we were at the point of thinking that if other parents complained then maybe the school would get off their arses and do something about ds. Plus she is the mother of dd's friend. I should point out that this is a tiny school with only 5 girls in dd's reception year and only a total of 72 pupils in the school so its important that the dd's friendship with A is not jepodised.

Fast forward to now and of course being twins ds and dd share the same birthday. Because of all the issues and ds hating the old school we've made the decision to have seperate birthday parties. DD has invited just the reception girls to her party including A. DS has invited all the class from his new school plus 3 from the old school (2 of whom are girls but he went to nursery with them, they are in his eyes his friends). A's mother launched into a tirade at me outside school in front of the children about how we're excluding her daughter and that she can't believe we haven't invited A to ds's party and her daughter is very very upset. She wouldn't listen to a word I said saying that I've invited some of the girls so I should have invited her daughter. I said that ds see's A as dd's friend not his and its his party not a shared party but oh no thats not good enough. I've ended up telling her the decision has been made and the matter is closed. But I've come away all het up and wondering now if I've been wrong not to invite her. But I just can't see why ds should have invited her. A and ds weren't and aren't friends. A's mother specifically asked for A to be kept away from ds when he was in that school. A's mother has been rude to me about DS and how he is and how SN shouldn't be in mainstream schools. Yet she's still expecting an invite and more to the point has actually been extremely nasty to me about it.

I can normally see things from other peoples point of view but I just don't get this at all which is why I'm now wondering if I'm the one being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:

FetchezLaVache · 05/04/2011 19:56

YANBU. She's a fruitloop. She specifically asked for her daughter to be kept away from your son, and now she's kicking off because she wasn't invited to his party? I repeat: fruitloop.


Hassled · 05/04/2011 19:56

A's mother is INSANE. Insane, with a huge sense of entitlement. All you can hope for is that A and your DD fall out very very soon, and then you need have nothing more to do with her.


FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 19:57

She told you to keep him away from her daughter, her daughter is your DDs friend not your sons friend so ultimately would not be invited.

You are doing the right thing, don't doubt yourself or your judgement.


PomBearEnvy · 05/04/2011 19:58

YANBU. Fullstop. She sounds a complete nightmare. Stick your guns.


Flisspaps · 05/04/2011 19:58



DorisIsAPinkDragon · 05/04/2011 19:59

She's barking.

First rule of parties never approach the host about a lack of invite! (even if you are quietly seething ).

YANBU she has specifically and formally requested that her dd be kept away she can not have it both ways!


Maryz · 05/04/2011 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYourPrincess · 05/04/2011 20:00

YANBU. She sounds awful. Agree with Hassled re sense of entitlement. I admire your restraint, tbh.


Adversecamber · 05/04/2011 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheArmadillo · 05/04/2011 20:00

YANBU she is barmy


KaceyMaybe · 05/04/2011 20:00

YANBU You have separated out the parties. She can't moan about your DS one minute then expect her DD to be invited to his party. She is lucky her DD is still invited to DD's as far as I would be concerned. She should know better as an adult than to pick on a CHILD, especially one with SN and no matter how few girls there are in the school I wouldn't have bothered with her ever again and just let the DD's be friends in school if they wanted, but that's about it. Intolerant woman.


beesimo · 05/04/2011 20:01

The woman is a fool and she has just proved it so I wouldn't spend anymore time worrying out this OP.

I expect she has told all and sundry by now and they will all be trying to get their heads round what she is actually on about. Do you think she actually knows herself?

Ignore her as far as possible and just do your own thing


MmeLindt · 05/04/2011 20:01


Ignore her, go ahead with the parties as planned.

If she starts up at you again tell her that you are not willing to discuss it and walk away.

Well done for being so calm and not rising to her nonsense.


nobodyimportant · 05/04/2011 20:01



TeddyMcardle · 05/04/2011 20:02

YANBU what planet is she living on?!


Onetoomanycornettos · 05/04/2011 20:03

Wow, she is a bit horrid! YANBU, why would you invite a girl to his party who he was expressly forbidden from going near? I wouldn't argue any more, it's a small party, you invite who you like, it's nothing to do with her.


storminabuttercup · 05/04/2011 20:03


She sounds unhinged!


Honeydragon · 05/04/2011 20:06


and YADNBU to want to rant, in fact I think it says great things about your character that you've managed to hold it all in till now to write down and vent, rather than lose it verbally with the mother. Good for you Smile


Panzee · 05/04/2011 20:07

Bonkers she is. You've done nothing wrong and you must be exhausted with all this juggling. Try to ignore her.


LunarRose · 05/04/2011 20:10



heliumballoons · 05/04/2011 20:11

YANBU. AT ALL, IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. (did you hear that? Wink)

2 girls and of course your DD are going that leaves only 2 not invited. Her DD and the other one? I would suspect she also has a problem with the other girl not invited and is cross that maybe her DD is being thought of in the same way as this girl. STUPID? Yes, but as said above she obviously thinks her and her DD have some sort of entitlement.

FWIW I do not condone hitting but if every yr R child who hit another was kept seperate I doubt any of them would ever play together. Smile


tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 20:29

A's mum is an ignorant want dont let her waste anymore of your oxygen


EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 05/04/2011 20:33

Unanimous. YANBU.

We should ask MNHQ to provide certificates, as this doesn't happen very often.


rebl · 05/04/2011 20:40

Thank you, all of you. I've not flipped and normal social rules due still stand Smile. I actually have been wondering whats happened to me to not being able to see her point of view and decided I was either being totally unreasonable or she's lost the plot.

OP posts:

tomhardyismydh · 05/04/2011 20:42

ignorant twat... that should be of course Grin

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