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Am I or is the other mother?

87 replies

rebl · 05/04/2011 19:52

1st of, I can't understand why people have time to actually care about this enough to then make a massive deal over it. And then I can't actually understand why I've gone and risen to it other than its completely caught me out of the blue and now its bothering me that I'm having to make a massive deal of it on a forum just to get it out of my system so to speak!

I have b/g twins who until Feb half term were in the same reception class as each other in the same school. DS was exceptionally unhappy and we moved him at Feb half term to a different school. Left dd at the old school. She has a strong friendship group. DS won't go back to the old school even to pick up dd and its obviously extremely difficult as you can imagine for us. We have professionals working with ds over his anxieties, its that serious. As you can gather just from that we have real things to worry about so why I've risen to this I can't understand!

My dd has a friend A. My ds doesn't dislike her but isn't friends with her. DS has hit A on a number of occasions (he has SN and hits when not properly supported which is ultimatly why we moved him). A's mother complained to the school and specifically asked the school to keep A away from DS. She then came round to our house and laid into me about DS and how someone like him shouldn't be allowed in a mainstream school. I was very restrained then and didn't rise to her, mainly because quite honestly we were at the point of thinking that if other parents complained then maybe the school would get off their arses and do something about ds. Plus she is the mother of dd's friend. I should point out that this is a tiny school with only 5 girls in dd's reception year and only a total of 72 pupils in the school so its important that the dd's friendship with A is not jepodised.

Fast forward to now and of course being twins ds and dd share the same birthday. Because of all the issues and ds hating the old school we've made the decision to have seperate birthday parties. DD has invited just the reception girls to her party including A. DS has invited all the class from his new school plus 3 from the old school (2 of whom are girls but he went to nursery with them, they are in his eyes his friends). A's mother launched into a tirade at me outside school in front of the children about how we're excluding her daughter and that she can't believe we haven't invited A to ds's party and her daughter is very very upset. She wouldn't listen to a word I said saying that I've invited some of the girls so I should have invited her daughter. I said that ds see's A as dd's friend not his and its his party not a shared party but oh no thats not good enough. I've ended up telling her the decision has been made and the matter is closed. But I've come away all het up and wondering now if I've been wrong not to invite her. But I just can't see why ds should have invited her. A and ds weren't and aren't friends. A's mother specifically asked for A to be kept away from ds when he was in that school. A's mother has been rude to me about DS and how he is and how SN shouldn't be in mainstream schools. Yet she's still expecting an invite and more to the point has actually been extremely nasty to me about it.

I can normally see things from other peoples point of view but I just don't get this at all which is why I'm now wondering if I'm the one being unreasonable. Am I?

OP posts:
abenstille · 05/04/2011 20:44

yanbu- what a strange woman A has for a mother. just barmy

Maryz · 05/04/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoonGirl1981 · 05/04/2011 20:48

Awwww, bless her. She sounds proper mental!!

You're in the right. You've clearly put a lot of thought into the situation and having separate parties is an excellent idea.

heliumballoons · 05/04/2011 20:49

rebl theres no question of you having flipped and social rules having chnaged. You have twins attending 2 different schools and 1 won't set foot in the playground of the other. YET you do it as its best for your DT's. This juggling act alone makes me wonder why child A's mum isn't here asking AIBU to think this mum should have just invited my DD instead of punching me in the playground. Grin

SilverScarf · 05/04/2011 20:51


She is completely contradicting her earlier orders, you are completely right in what you are doing. I actually commend you on doing separate birthdays so fairly.

I don't pity you dealing with this loon in the future though.

TastesLikePanda · 05/04/2011 20:55

rebl - I had to read your op twice because I was sure that I had read the details wrong the first time. But no - the crazy mother demanded her dd be kept away from your ds and then moaned because she was not invited to his party... that maketh no sense. NO sense.
YANBU in case you wondered...

charlieandlola · 05/04/2011 20:55

I think you should congratulate her actually

She has managed the impossible.

Got everyone to agree on an AIBU thread.

We should send her a prize and a certificate.

"MN agree that you are bonkers"

rebl · 05/04/2011 20:56

Thank you heliumballoons. I wish she could be here Grin but she can't, she's got no internet. Maybe if she was she could see how unreasonable she is being.

Silverscarf I am worried about dealing with her in the future, we have 6 years of this.

OP posts:
twolittlemonkeys · 05/04/2011 20:56

She's a nutter. She wanted your DS kept away from her DD so you've done that. Point this out to her. She is a fruitloop, as others have pointed out.

CheerfulYank · 05/04/2011 20:57

YANBU. Want me to add her to my Slap List? :)

She's expressly asked for your DS to be kept away from her DD, yet wants her to go to his birthday party?

Is she mad?

SilverScarf · 05/04/2011 20:58

I hope you confound her with her own logic and she's forever scared of you Grin

rebl · 05/04/2011 21:01

charlieandlola I like the certificate idea Grin.

I actually can't believe its happened and I've risen to it! I'm normally pretty level headed. I'm glad I've had MN say I've not flipped. I was actually a bit worried about posting here and getting a flaming. I must have lost control of my senses in my anger. I feel better now, thank you Smile.

OP posts:
Becaroooo · 05/04/2011 21:03

She sounds bonkers! Shock...accept she is loopy and move on Smile

Cymar · 05/04/2011 21:04

So this woman thinks she can insult your DS regarding SN, order the school to keep her DD away from your DS and expect an invite for her DD to your DS's party Hmm.

Sorry OP, but if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't waste my time speaking to her because she obviously won't listen to you anyway.

MadamDeathstare · 05/04/2011 21:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

boosmummie · 05/04/2011 21:06

YANBU - the woman is clearly mad.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 05/04/2011 21:06

She's a nutter!
Don't worry about DD if you feel the need to move her schools. Children that age are very adaptable, and to be honest, another 6 years of A's nutty mum might well push you over the edge.Wink

MadamDeathstare · 05/04/2011 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 05/04/2011 22:35


blackeyedsusan · 05/04/2011 22:52

yabu...... to even think you are being unreasonable( sorry couldn't resist trying to get some sort of unreasonableness in there... awkward sod that i am )

glad to hear that ds is away from the clutches of the loopy teacher senco too. poor ds.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2011 00:01

How bloody rude.
It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, if you're not invited to a party, you are not invited to a party!
That mother needs to teach her daughter that she can't go somewhere just because she wants to.
And to make a fuss in public too - words fail me! (almost...)

iscream · 06/04/2011 04:46

She is rude, and bonkers both. YaNbu!

bochead · 06/04/2011 20:01

I'm just shocked you didn't ask whether she'd taken her pills this morning - she's insane.

I'd honestly keep my daughter away from her as much as possible in a small village too, deffo no playdates as she is crazy, & NOT in a good way. People like this can be dangerous.

heliumballoons · 06/04/2011 21:16

Hi op, I hope all went well with crazy mum today.

rebl · 06/04/2011 21:32

Crazy mum has not been spotted today, and her dd wasn't in school. But I suspect she will be there tomorrow. Its clearly been broached by her to the other 2 girls parents who have been invited and they were a bit Hmm that she was making a big deal over it. I worried she would turn up on my doorstep. She's done it once when ds hit her dd and attacked my parenting skills and so I wouldn't put it passed her to do it again. I still worry she'll turn up tomorrow. I will have to face her I'm sure of it at some point soon. The village is just too small not to.

Everytime she's popped into my head today I just suddenly, uncontrollably think fruitloop Grin. And when I think about it properly I think crazy fruitloop Grin. That makes me feel better Smile.

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