To ask genuinely, why people don't get married?

[Lookandlearn]

if they are in a committed, permanent relationship and have children? It's a genuine question and I am happy to be ignored if it's too mosey, but gives an airing to side issues from another thread on here.

Because we didn't feel ready to or the timing was not right for us but 10 years later we where and it's the best thing we ever did!

I know I'll get a pasting, but does anyone else here find they really dislike most weddings?

For me, that is a major (tho' not the only) reason for not getting married. I just find that almost every wedding I've been to involves someone who tries in some way to impose some meaning the happy couple didn't want, or else just ends up being 'traditional' in a really tacky and meaningless way.

Like, at my sister's wedding, her new SIL bossily deciding that of course all the bridesmaids had to participate in the bouquet-throwing, even though we (all sisters) had decided in advance we didn't want to, 'because it's tradition'.

Or, a guest at my cousin's wedding getting upset because I wrote 'To X and Y' on the card, instead of 'To Mr and Mrs W', because I pointed out that the bride might not be taking her husband's name, and these days it's a bit offensive to assume that.

That is obviously not the only reason I won't get married, but does anyone else find that something like that always happens at (otherwise lovely) weddings?

depends upon the bride & groom,if they retain normality or morph into smug marrieds and a haze of seating plans.

but overall love a good wedding - love is a wonderful thing

like everyone else hate the "my special day i can do anything i want" ethos as way of bossing guests around and being demanding. went to one wedding were they sat all the unmarried at same tables!

LOL@RevoltingPeasant!!!! Yes - I find a lot of weddings really tedious!! I'm married, we had a Quaker ceremony, then all went to the cutsie picture book pub in the village where I grew up and everybody got a bit tipsy. that was it, really. Totally laid back, a speech where my father held a bottle of champagne in one hand and consistently referred to me by my sister's name (I think the two were related) - and heaven forfend... NO wedding line where you have to walk along and congratulate whoever the heck it should be standing there?

We're both Quakers, wanted a suitable ceremony to mark our commitment to each other - it was lovely, hot and sunny, totally laid back and we had myriad comments about how nice it was.

For us - it was important - and that type of ceremony worked. Personally, I find traditional weddings rather boring (sorry, but there you go...) and if people don't want to get married, then that's fine as well.

And I'm HATING the thought of us all paying for the f*cking royal wedding this summer. Bless them all. And Queenie's 60th whatever frigging flotilla on the Thames next year. that'll be good too. (Sorry, not really the place to rant about them, but old habits die hard with me...)

I really don't care whether people are married or not, and I don't understand why anybody gets really intense about it, whatever their opinions..

Following on from my previous post about aging:

LPA -Lasting Power of Attorney

Oh and I don't really enjoy weddings either. Especially when you are a B-list guest and have to buiy your own meal while you wait for the evening reception.

oooohhh no...love a good wedding, me!

Getting glammed up (the only time I seem to nowadays tbh!), belting out a few hymns, gurning for the photos, stuffing my face full of nice nosh and a good old knees up....whats not to like????

I am always first one on the dance floor and last one off ....if you dont like weddings (and I concede they aren't for everyone) then why go??? Why not refuse the invite?????

Ceic It's not a matter of which 'list' you're on - we genuinely couldn't afford to have everybody for the meal and would rather invite people for the evening than leave them out altogether. Surely you should be pleased that somebody thinks enough of you that they want you there on such an important day, rather than moaning at being 'B list'?

I wanted to get married (and change my name) because I wanted to publicly declare my commitment, and I like having the same name as DH - it makes me proud. I'm not saying that couple who don't get married are any less committed; it was just important to me to make it official, and for DH to know that I was totally prepared to wholly and legally commit myself to him - and vice versa, of course. I don't care about it being more complicated to split up - I have no intention of splitting up with him anyway!

CY

CheerfulYank has hit the nail on the head!!

pinski, I love me a good Quaker wedding! Or a humanist one, but Quaker for preference - I went to a Q school & have Q friends & relatives though I'm not religious myself so wouldn't have a Quaker wedding.

it doesn't bother me what other people do, but for me, i wanted a definite 'moment of decision' rather than just drifting along.
i also think that, although it's unlikely, it is possible that something dreadful could happen to one of us, so some kind of paperwork/legality should be sorted out, and marriage does conveniently do that.
i also think it's up to each partnership to define their own ideas of commitment/love etc.

if i should end up single, then got into a serious relationship, i may well go for the living apart, but being committed type of couple-dom. i like my freedom & independence, but also like having a best friend/boyfriend figure in my life, so think this could be a way forward. of course, you have to have enough money to maintain 2 houses, and it gets complicated if you have a baby.

CheerfulYank - positively NOT allowed - get OFF that fence and take sides, girl - we have emotions to rile here!!! (Hmm, I'm Mrs Pot calling kettle, as I look back at my own post. Ah well.....)

comixminx (why did you have to choose such a difficult name to spell properly! LOL) we had friends have a Humanist wedding at Cliveden. It was fantastic - definitely a good option - and I say that as somebody who firmly believes in God. And SO POSH I nearly fainted on the spot. Dear Lord above, I should have such money to spend on weddings!!

Well - I certainly won't NOW under the new government, that's for sure... but wait - surely another chip appearing on my shoulder, to balance the royalist one on the other side...

(Takes herself off to lie down in a quietened room, together with her husband-surrendered vagina and all....)

comixminx - which Quaker school did you go to, incidentally... I ask because I used to live at one as the wife of a house master. I teach in a state comprehensive and still can't get used to hearing my name as 'Mrs' instead of just my first name from the kids!!

MrsSatsuma in general, I take your point. I said what I said while thinking bitterly of a family wedding which I attended. We were B-List, despite bringing my frail elderly grandmother (who was A-list). At that wedding, we were on the list of relatives invited out of obligation rather than pleasure. Given how the rest of that wedding all panned out, I'll probably always have a moan about that one when I think about it.

'Mrs' sounds soooo dull as does husband
I call mine 'Lover' because he is!

Pinski, I went to Ackworth, in West Yorks. If your username is a guide then you're a year younger than me so your time living as the wife of a housemaster, wherever it was, must have been well after my time! Don't think we called housemasters or their wives by their first names, or not until we were in Sixth Form at any rate.

i have a bidie in.used to be bidie oot,now bidie in

Still loving the "bidie in". Probably can't get away with using it down here in the south - people even look at me strangely if I say "hinny".

Although I did scream "Is there nee peace?" the other day which actually had the desired effect. Apparently I only go northern when really, genuinely at the end of my tether.....

I won't get married again. The reason for me is that I am having to make a massive payout to a man that I used to be married to but who never paid anything towards our living expenses, house, etc etc.

Because marriage is just a piece of paper - it's the relationship that counts and that can be achieved with or without a legal document.

We got married after 10 years... didn't really feel we needed to, just wanted to celebrate those ten years with a big mega party - and would could afford to.

Then the taxman got us. Suddenly my maternity leave back up plan (income from a rental property) was 50% his and taxable at the higher tax rate - just because we were legally married.

And then we wrote our Wills and realised that since I'm not not originally from the UK, I don't get the inheritance tax benefits of being married until I've been here for 17 years.

We're still as happy as we were before we got married and I don't regret the decision to get married - but it was pretty pointless apart from the fantastic memories of the day and a kick-ass wedding ring.

I was with DH for nine years and the commitment for us was having the baby. When pregnant we popped down to the registry office to get the bit of paper that is apparently held with such esteem. Why you ask? So if we split up he pays the mortgage and we keep our home..I want the same rights as my married counterparts thanks very much! I have sacrificed my career in a way he doesnt have to by having children, now I dont mind that, but if we split then I will certainly want the compensation I am due. Unromantic, yes... sensible...very!

I LOVE being Mrs!

Being Miss at my age smacks of spinsterdom. And I love husband too. Not boyfriend ( laughs loudly!) or partner. DH has a partner so it would be very confusing also being his partner.

He's also my lover Nota but comes with lots of lovely legal requirements and responsibilities - as do I!!

spinsterdom is a very interesting word to chose