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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unhappy with childminders request

87 replies

miniwedge · 05/04/2011 13:21

Childminder sent me a text last night whilst she was out with her other half, can X pick up dd from school on Friday as her husband has booked a weekend away.

I don't know X, dd has met her once.

Also, if I am not happy with this it means I need to take time off work at short notice and I can't do that at the moment. I am unable to take leave unless it is unpaid emergency leave until after easter.

I'm also pissed off that if I wanted to go away for the weekend I wouldn't go to my boss and tell him that X will be there instead. X doesn't know my job or the people I interact with and it wouldn't be appropriate. So how is it acceptable for a substitute to be put in place for childcare?

I did reply that neither I or dd know X, her reply was that dd has met X once.....

I feel like I am having the piss taken out of me.
I can't work out if I actually am or if I'm being mean.....

OP posts:
fishie · 05/04/2011 13:23

i think she can't unless x is registered with ofsted as her assistant, although you could turn a blind eye to that if you wanted to.

would x just be taking dd home or looking after her until you get home from work? where would that be?

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 13:24

Sorry is X a childminder too?

It is taking the piss and very short notice.

JaneS · 05/04/2011 13:25

Well, just say no then? She's asked you the question for a reason.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 13:25

Well who is X?? Is X a registered CM as well?? When DS was with a childminder there was like a network of them so if one was away then DS would go to the other one. Would you rather she had just said was going away for the weekend so could not do the school run at all?? Most childminders will have a network of some sort - what if they are ill etc etc and of course, they are entitled to weekends away as much as the next person.

I must admit, she does seem to have not given you much notice which I think is the bigger issue.

So YABU for not expecting her to have any time off and at least she has got a substitute ( as long as its kosher IYSWIM) but YANBU to be pissed off as she has given very little notice.

sloggies · 05/04/2011 13:26

Think, asside from the very valid points you make, that she is on dodgy ground - partners etc of child minders have to be CRB checked on the grounds that they are in contact with the children, so it seems her dh may have ridden roughshod over this, as at least the same principle would apply to the collector of the children. Quite reasonable to be v annoyed.

jzhmum · 05/04/2011 13:27

I think it is a bit off and if my childminder did that I'd be annoyed. You pay her not someone else and you know her etc.
I would just make your feelings clear and ask her and her husband to maybe next time think about the commitments before booking a weekend away...I am sure if you had notice you would have had no problem.
good luck

JoBettany · 05/04/2011 13:28

No, YANBU. Your childminder should have given you much more notice than this.

My exCM mucked me about non stop so I completely understand how annoying this is.

The best you can do is to insist on more notice if there is to be a non emergency change in arrangements again.

Is there a friend's parent who your DD is more familiar with?

cuteboots · 05/04/2011 13:28

I had similar issues with my childminders daughters being involved my my sons daily childcare as I was paying her and she was the one doing the job. Luckily they have now gone to uni so I dont have this issue any more. I also used to have concerns about their boyfreinds being in the house at meal times as well . I think you need to talk to her about this as you cant be too careful and at the end of the day it may help put your mind at rest.

Original poster
miniwedge · 05/04/2011 13:30

I wouldn't expect her to have no time off but I do expect notice, just the same as I have to give notice at work.
Our contract is 4 weeks notice for either party.

X "wants to be a childminder" from what I can make out. I don't know for sure whether or not she is registered yet.

I think I am going to say no, (i left it that we would talk about it tonight) because I don't want dd going to a stranger for a couple of hours after school and it was a spur of the moment "we're going away", I don't see why they can't delay departure until 5pm which is when dd would be picked up.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/04/2011 13:33

I think you could lighten up, to be honest- it wouldn't bother me as a one-off. But if you feel strongly, then that's just the way it is- what other people would feel doesn't come into it.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 13:36

I think her having to give 4 weeks notice for a couple of hours off is a bit harsh...unless of course she does it all the time - is she a good CM and reliable usually?? Maybe her hubby booked it as a surprise for her and it's just a one off.

Her substitute should be registered though otherwise of course you arent gonna be happy your DD being placed with them.

ginnybag · 05/04/2011 13:37

The only question you really need answering is: what happens if you say no to X? Will she go anyway, or willo she delay her departure.

Her asking if her freind can take DD is one thing. A bit cheeky, but not criminal. Just say no if you aren't happy.

Her giving you three days notice that she's taking the afternoon off for no real reason... well.....

crazygracieuk · 05/04/2011 13:37

Yanbu if you say no.

It depends who X is. My cm was in a cm group where they supported each other in emergencies. When my cm had a funeral to go to, one of her cm friends looked after my child instead.

louloudia · 05/04/2011 13:39

this happened to me once, except the childminder didnt tell me she had palmed my kids off on to her next door neighbour while she went for a driving lesson

didnt say anything but didnt ask her to mind them again

FABsBackAndIsWell · 05/04/2011 13:41

YANBU.

I think your CM will go regardless and she could have gone about this a lot better.

new2cm · 05/04/2011 13:45

My opinion? If x is not a registered childminder then refuse. If your childminder allows a non-registered childminder to carry out her school pick ups, then she is in breach of her insurance and of the OFSTED registration conditions, unless she can prove it is an emergency. Going on a week end break is not an emergency!

YANBU.

ContentlyPondering · 05/04/2011 13:46

Let us know what happens OP. I'd be very interested to know how she reacts and whether she goes anyway or not!

Littlefish · 05/04/2011 13:47

I think you're being a bit harsh actually. Is this something she does regularly, or a one off?

Her dh has presumably booked a weekend away at short notice and she is trying to help the situation by suggesting an alternative.

Whilst ideally I am sure she would have liked to have given you more notice, it just obviously wasn't possible on this occasion. Are you generally pleased with the service she gives? Do you want to upset the relationship over this? What are you expecting her to do if you say no? She may not be able to change the plans her dh has made. Are you going to insist she cancels the weekend away?

Do you have any friends at your dc school who could pick them up and take them home for tea for a couple of hours?

JoBettany · 05/04/2011 13:47

I use breakfast/after school club now and find them 100% reliable, which is what you are looking for with child care.

My experiences with CMs has not been a good one.

TerrysNo2 · 05/04/2011 13:48

My CM gives me months of notice for even a day off. You need a CM to be reliable as you are employing them and paying them to support your lifestyle and your job. Giving you a few days notice for a few hours off is not terrible but IMO it is completely unreasonable to ask if another person who is not even a registered CM and unknown to you to look after your child. Ofsted registration is there for a reason. I would say no and ask her to fulfill her responsibilities, its only a couple of hours.

Are you happy with her the rest of the time? If not maybe start looking at alternative arrangements. I am lucky that DH and I have jobs which would enable us to take time off at short notice but if you don't have this you need a really reliable CM.

Good luck with it!

worraliberty · 05/04/2011 13:48

If X turns out to be a registered CM, would you allow it then as a one off?

I mean given that your daughter wouldn't have known your regular CM at one time either?

LilllyLovesLife · 05/04/2011 13:48

She is being very unprofessional and I would say no.

ashamedandconfused · 05/04/2011 13:51

I would say no, and make my own arrangements for someone DD knows to have her that day. any further let downs/poor communications, and i would be looking for a new CM

fedupofnamechanging · 05/04/2011 13:52

I wouldn't like this at all. Your CM has entered into an agreement with you. She has signed a contract and taken your money, so she ought to fulfil the obligations that she committed herself to.

You did not enter into an agreement with X, who may or may not have been CRB checked and who is not a registered CM. I certainly would not allow my child to be collected from school by a stranger.

When you have a job, you can't just decide to go away for the weekend and let someone else do your job. You have to finish your normal working day, or take holiday leave and then go away.

If your CM was ill, then it would be fair enough to expect you to take unpaid leave to collect your child, but your CM is not ill. When a CM has a network of back up CM's, a parent at least knows that these people are registered and CRB checked. And I would imagine that you have to agree to them being used (unless it is a real emergency).

I would say no tbh, and I think your CM is taking the piss and not behaving professionally. I used to be a CM and I would not have done this.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 13:53

Jeez, these answers are making me bloody glad I am not a CM Shock