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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unhappy with childminders request

87 replies

miniwedge · 05/04/2011 13:21

Childminder sent me a text last night whilst she was out with her other half, can X pick up dd from school on Friday as her husband has booked a weekend away.

I don't know X, dd has met her once.

Also, if I am not happy with this it means I need to take time off work at short notice and I can't do that at the moment. I am unable to take leave unless it is unpaid emergency leave until after easter.

I'm also pissed off that if I wanted to go away for the weekend I wouldn't go to my boss and tell him that X will be there instead. X doesn't know my job or the people I interact with and it wouldn't be appropriate. So how is it acceptable for a substitute to be put in place for childcare?

I did reply that neither I or dd know X, her reply was that dd has met X once.....

I feel like I am having the piss taken out of me.
I can't work out if I actually am or if I'm being mean.....

OP posts:

Littlefish · 05/04/2011 13:54

I agree Desparate.

darleneconnor · 05/04/2011 13:56

What if something happens to your DD under X's care? Who is going to be legally liable?

I would not be happy with a CM who suggested this. It shows poor judgement. Are you happy with her care other than this?

ashamedandconfused · 05/04/2011 13:58

But desperate, as previous posters have said, in what other job could you go away for the weekend at short notice and get any old person to stand in for you? Maybe you could swap shifts with another employee, yes. But with childcare training regs and CRBs etc, then unless this is another CM standing in to help out, she is BU - and even if it is, the parent has a right to meet and vet this stand in CM first

ashamedandconfused · 05/04/2011 14:00

I'm sure some teachers fancy an early get away for the holidays starting this weekend, is it Ok for them to just say they will get "a friend" to take their class that afternoon!

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:04

Ashamed - I have already said that no I wouldnt be happy if CM wanted someone not registered to have DS. In my job I can go away at short notice and Mr Nobody stands in for me..................

I think as a one off it is ok although more notice would have been good....I find all the one more strikes and she's out attitudes a bit odd.........My CM was so bloody good that as a one off it it wasnt habit I would have been accommodating to let her have a couple of hours off to go away for the weekend as long as the substitute CM was registered and above board. As I have already said my CM had a network in place so that there was always cover in case of holidays,illnesses etc. I was personally grateful that there was a back in system in place rather than her just saying she couldnt have DS at all.

If OP isnt happy with the substitute then obv she has to say so and its up to the CM whether she just delays her trip by a couple of hours or doesnt provide cover at all.

BitOfFun · 05/04/2011 14:04

We're talking collecting a kid from school, not performing open heart surgery. And presumably it's a one off. I really wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about it.

Vallhala · 05/04/2011 14:06

If X were a professional registered CM I might say yes but make it clear that it is to be a one-off and that I wasn't happy with the short notice "accept it or do it yourself mini" approach. I'd be fucking pissed off with my CM and would consider finding a more professional one at that point (which I would also make crystal clear in my response).

If X is not a registered CM then I would tell the CM no fucking way Jose to please adhere to the terms of her contract and that I will see her and my DD as usual on Friday.

FabbyChic · 05/04/2011 14:06

YOu have from now until Friday to meet this person, it is only Tuesday.

I agree with BitOfFun. It is a one off collecting a child from school, not major surgery.

knittedbreast · 05/04/2011 14:08

if she dousnt do this regularly i would definatly let her, im not sure why you are pissed off. shes not planned this herself and has tried to find ways where you are not left without anyone to care for your child. i would say she is being resourceful and thoughtful

TheyKnowEsperanto · 05/04/2011 14:09

Ask CM for OFSTED no so you can check she is all legal and insured - and when she can't give details ask her what would happen if something happened to your DD while in her care and say you can't risk it and she shouldn't be risking it either or asking you to.

I have used www.sitters.co.uk in the past - if you have time book someone for a few hours after work one night this week so DD can meet her and then book the same person to pick her up bring her back to yours and have an afternoon in until you get back form work - they are all CRB checked and have nannying/CM histories.

Would you be able to take cost of emergency childcare off of CM's payment because otherwise you would not have to do this?

Littlefish · 05/04/2011 14:10

As I said earlier, do you have any friends who could pick up your dc as a one off?

I absolutely agree with Desperate. My dd's childminder was wonderful! I would have been absolutely fine with her doing this on an occasional basis, as long as I could organise an alternative. I would have done it in the interests of a good working relationship.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:11

Would you be able to take cost of emergency childcare off of CM's payment because otherwise you would not have to do this?

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:12

No wonder my CM loved me so much, lol........apparently I was a delight to deal with and now I know why!!

Saltire · 05/04/2011 14:13

How old is your child?

Original poster

miniwedge · 05/04/2011 14:38

Hi,

ok, to reply to a few;

DD did know cm before she started there, we had spent time together in various social settings before.

It's not just a couple of hours off for me even if it is for her.
I can't get any holiday approved until after Easter, I would have to have a days emergency leave unpaid. Why should I have a day unpaid and have to make up a story to justify being absent so that the cm can finish a couple of hours earlier?
Even if I could get holiday approved I would have to take a whole day, we cannot have half days where I work, they were stopped because lots of people were using half days on a Friday and we ended up short of staff every friday.
I don't think it's fair to have to use a whole days leave when dd will be at school, I'd rather spend the time with her if I have holiday.

Even if X is registered, I would want to meet any backup cm beforehand, I find it a bit odd to be expected to let dd be picked up from school and then cared for for a couple of hours by a stranger to her and I.

I don't even know if she is insured properly.

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 05/04/2011 14:45

How old is your dd? And can you not ask a friend to collect her if you are worried?

fedupofnamechanging · 05/04/2011 14:49

The thing is Desperate, the OP has already said that she cannot take paid time off herself until after Easter. Why should it cost the OP more, because the CM wants time off at short notice? If the OP's husband/mum/best friend was available to do the pick up, then in the great scheme of things it is not a big deal for the CM to finish early. In the absence of these things, then it is a big deal. Many parents are not happy with some random stranger collecting their child from school - I know I wouldn't be. The CM knows that she is relied upon to provide an essential service to working parents and she can't put her social life above that. There are some jobs where you can't leave early on a Friday and unfortunately for the CM, her job is one of them.

The contract exists for a reason. It is supposed to protect against situations like this and works for the benefit of the CM as well as the parent using the service.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:49

Is your DD the only one there or does she have other kids to mind as well??

Like Bitoffun says, can a friend not collect for you??? Probably the easiest option.

Sounds like a complete nightmare for you to get time off work.......however, CM probably cares about that as much as you care that her husband wants to take her away for a nice weekend. Just be as accommodating as you can for future relations - if you are totally inflexible (and again this is just as a one off, not as standard practice) she is not gonna want to do you any favours and believe me, a good CM is hard to find and so if you are happy with her in other respects......

Hope you get something sorted.

fedupofnamechanging · 05/04/2011 14:50

X post with OP and random italics. Sorry

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:51

I get it Karma, believe me I get it, I am just saying if the CM is gonna be held to ransome over a contract and have to give 4 weeks notice for 2 hours off (thats all it is to her) and all for what...£5/hour.....then relations between her and OP arent looking good for the future are they. Contracts are there for a reason but sometimes a bit of flexibility from all sides is needed.......

I used a CM for years, believe me I know how hard it can be!

Original poster

miniwedge · 05/04/2011 14:53

Fuck me, cross posted with loads of people....

My knickers aren't twisted, that would be uncomfortable, I'm not comparing it to open heart surgery either.

In fact, fuck it, I'll nab the next passer by and ask them to cover. After all as long as they're insured I'm sure it will be fine.

I can't meet x bfore friday, I work full time, she is not around when I am if you see what I mean.

It's not about money or being precious etc, I'm annoyed that she doesn't seem to get that her hours are contracted because those are the times when I/partner are not there. I can't magically get short notice time off because she wants to go away for the weekend.

Other people who work have to fit leisure around their work/available time off. I don't get why this should be different for a childminder?

I don't think its resourceful or thoughtful to text someone to tell them you're going away at short notice. I think it's a bit rude.

OP posts:

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 05/04/2011 14:57

Well, obviously then YANBU! Dont know why you needed to ask!

fedupofnamechanging · 05/04/2011 14:58

If it was nothing to the OP and easily accommodated then I'd agree with you. It's better to be accommodating if you can. Back when I was a CM, I was pretty flexible because peoples lives are subject to unexpected events. I do think though, that the CM and her DH ought to check with the parents before booking things which affect their working lives.

I think the CM would be U to hold it against the OP because she is not happy with what the CM is proposing. The OP shouldn't be put under any pressure to leave her child with someone she doesn't know. This situation is the CM's doing. I just know that I wouldn't have done this, because i would have felt that doing my job was the priority.

Original poster

miniwedge · 05/04/2011 15:02

Sorry, still crossposting. I'm not normally inflexible, but this is a case where being flexible means that either I will be leaving dd with someone that neither of us know or that I will have to lose a days pay and lie about it.
I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect me to be in that position?

DD is 10 but is having her first period which I suppose is partly why I am not too happy for her to be going to someones house that she doesn't know/feel comfortable with.

If she is at cm and has some difficulty then she is comfortable enough to say so.

Oh I don't know, I'm just not comfortable with it.

OP posts:

bubblecoral · 05/04/2011 15:03

I agree your CM is being rude, and selfish and irresponsible.

I'd do as suggested above and use sitters, and deduct what it costs from her wages.

Asking for X's OFSTED registarion number and a copy of her insurance is also a good idea, but if she can provide those things, and an opportunity for you to meet her at your convenience, then I would allow the CM to do what she wants.

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