To have been a bit judgy about these people at a baptism?

[JaneS]

There was a baptism as part of the Sunday service this morning. A group of people came, dressed up in sort of posh party clothes, whom I've never seen at church before and who clearly weren't familiar with the structure of the service. Now, I can understand why you might as an occasional church-goer still have some attachment to baptism as a ceremony and want to go through with it, or you might feel it's a nice social occasion and a good opportunity to get dressed up. That is understandable. But AIBU to have felt a bit upset that these people chattered the whole way through the service - not just mum and dad quieting the baby, before you ask, but all of them chatting to each other and not even pretending to listen to the normal bits of the service? I suspect I am going to get flamed here, but would you feel a bit upset if this was your church that you took seriously?

YANBU, OP. I've seen similar in our own church - loud chatting, texting and eating crisps by visitors for a baptism. Not territorial in the slightest. A shocking lack of respect on their part though. Not sure why some of them bother having their dc baptised at all, tbh.

yeah, it's the talking that's the problem. It's not unchristian or judgey to be upset that someone spoils something you value by chatting through it.

Nobody would think it unreasonable if someone flamed someone for talking through a film at the cinema or a theatre show. Or even a lecture or something more formal. A church service is no different. If you go it you should listen or at least be quiet and not disrupt those who want to listen.

I only go to church for weddings, baptisms and funerals. I go because I've been invited by a friend or relative who wants these occasions marked in a church setting. I don't believe in God but I would always be polite and respectful towards those who do. But I do feel judged by the regular church goers, as if I have no right to be there, even when they dont know my beliefs. If I had any doubt and was considering going to church, I would often be put off by the attitude of the very territorial regulars.

pmsl at eating crisps that's pushing it even I must admit!

I have no problem whatsoever in people turning up for particular ceremonies. I have no problem with people not knowing the responses, when to kneel, when to sit, when to stand and I don't care what people wear. I do object to people turning up and chatting through the ceremony. You can chat in your living room/kitchen/pub/garden/street, just don't do it throughout a once in a lifetime service (or any).

But as baptism is a sacrament (or at least it is for us, I think for CofE too?), then surely it's better for a child to be baptised even with muttering, short skirted family and friends than for them not to bother?

OP think St Therese of Lisieux

The thing is that wearing a head covering to Mass/service isn't just about what the church is like but what the wearer believes is needed for church-same for posh frocks at Christenings. ATOD it doesn't matter does it, whether it's the visitors fidgeting or my boy absconding the actions of those around you just mean you have to focus a bit more on praying your way through.

Surely a baptism is about bringing your child to the church and committing to bring them up in that church? In which case the family bringing the child should be taking it seriously otherwise it's a bit of a farce really. I've always felt that the vows were fairly serous (I'm an ex-Catholic).

Ah - I see where you're coming from corn. I do get it - I don't particularly like myself for being judgy either.

Were they chatting loudly? If so, it would have been the witchdoctor's job to tell them to belt up, surely. If they were chatting quietly out of boredom, it's a bit rude but they were probably friends and relatives of the baby's parents who had/have no interest in superstition themselves and had simply come along for the party.
On the occasions I am obliged to go to a church for weddings etc I take a book in my bag for the really boring bits (people queueing up for their bread and water, the sermon, etc) so I can pass the time without affecting anyone else'senjoyment of the show.

silver, I get what you're saying. I used to go to a church with a younger congregation before we moved and it'd be full of children running around, someone nipping out to breastfeed (or not nipping out), someone's toddler commenting loudly mid-service. I've also been in the church I go to now when one of the old ladies was obviously not doing very well and was mumbling to herself without realizing. But those things are a bit different from perfectly healthy grown-ups feeling they'll chat because they're bored. If that makes sense?

Nice post springchicken, are you the sort of person who barges in uninvited to wedding receptions at hotels as well. This isn't a thread about what you believe so why be so offensive about what we believe.
Permission to start your rantings about church God etc granted.

It does Littlereddragon but what I was trying to say is whilst the distractions are different maybe the method of getting through the service with them going on around you doesn't have to be? It is all white noise to work/pray/concentrate through if that makes sense?

WHy would I want to barge in to a wedding reception in a hotel? Ohhh, you mean this is a private thread for superstitous posters only? Somewhere you can chuck in a bit of casual... shall we call it political incorrectness? about travellers?

Not sure where travellers came into this-but you jumped into this thread to insult the church and congregation not to say something useful, and your infliction of your views on people discussing church, is no different really than the ways of people of the Westboro Baptist Church family who inflict their vile hatred on people just going about their ordinary day, doing what is important to them in life.

Silver! That was completely uncalled for! Springchicken is entitled to her views. They are nowhere near the vile views of that so called church. This is AIBU after all!

About the Witchdoctor? That would go down nicely in race relations
The superstitious, does it sound better if she had said nigger or jew?
The post wasn't about a view on religious people it was about a view on how to behave in church.

YANBU OP. If you are a guest at baptism, you should be willing (and capable) of sitting still and in silence (not always possible for children obviously) throughout. It is disrespectful to chat during a church service imo (of any length), no matter whether you believe in God or not. If you can't sit quietly, you really shouldn't be there and just turn up for the party afterwards.

YANBU OP. Outrageously disrespectful to GOD imo, let alone the church. People just don't seem to get any more that God is what church is about, not church. The guests were there to see a child promised to God (though not sure, myself, how you can do this, but there we go..) and, as such, they were witnessing a solemn and sincere commitment and should have behaved respectfully. People don't behave like this at weddings in church, probably because they can relate to people making solemn promises to one another, but a baptism is all about God, which people don't really relate to any more. It sounds like the guests thought the baptism was a party and that they had to get the dull/incomprehensible stuff over with but didn't take the trouble to hide their true feelings about it. It's a bit staggering really.

However, as for "there was a girl in a black satin outfit, heels, lace shawl, elbow gloves and pillarbox hat with veil. She even had a black lace hanky" - she sounds seriously stylish and respectful to me!

The clothes are not relevant.

But the chatting is just rude. You don't have to know much about the world in order to understand that it is not on to talk during a religious ceremony you have been invited to.

The actual religion/ocassion doesn't matter, but if you are in somebody's place of worship and there is a service on you should shut your trap.

Sometimes noise is unavoidable, kids/babies etc. But for adults to simply chat through a service? Very rude indeed so YANBU.

YANBU - it is just rude to chat through a church service. If you find the idea of religion so ridiculous then do everyone else a favour and stay away. On the few occasions I have been invited to non-Christian services I ask what is expected of me and if there is anything I need to avoid so I don't offend anyone. Isn't that just basic manners?

LRD YADNBU.

I'm still smarting (10 years on!) about my cousin who turned up at my (country church, traditional) wedding in a skin tight, black, mini skirted dress and big sunglasses which she wore throughout the service.

I wouldn't mind but her dad took most of the photos the family now have (couldn't afford official photographer!), and she's in every single one of them!

I didn't invite her to the baptisms .

yabu, the service should have been more inclusive and focussed on the baptism and them. they were your guests and should be made to feel welcome. After all some of them my not be back until they are in their coffin, and going by what the church believes that would be too late to make any difference whatsoever. Worshipping God can be done any time, anywhere but having the opportunity to tell people about him in a nonconfrontational way is rare (and they can take it or leave it as they please, up to them)

(but i would still have felt the same as you and been annoyed at myself for feeling so)

Yanbu about the talking, even someone who doesn't often come to church would surely be aware of what is expected.

I do have to admit that when we have christenings at church i often wonder "WTF are they wearing" but is that just me putting my dress standards for church on others?