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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been a bit judgy about these people at a baptism?

125 replies

JaneS · 03/04/2011 23:48

There was a baptism as part of the Sunday service this morning. A group of people came, dressed up in sort of posh party clothes, whom I've never seen at church before and who clearly weren't familiar with the structure of the service. Now, I can understand why you might as an occasional church-goer still have some attachment to baptism as a ceremony and want to go through with it, or you might feel it's a nice social occasion and a good opportunity to get dressed up. That is understandable. But AIBU to have felt a bit upset that these people chattered the whole way through the service - not just mum and dad quieting the baby, before you ask, but all of them chatting to each other and not even pretending to listen to the normal bits of the service? I suspect I am going to get flamed here, but would you feel a bit upset if this was your church that you took seriously?

OP posts:
lesley33 · 04/04/2011 00:03

No they shouldn't have talked through the service. But I have travelled to attend family christenings so have went to churches I have never visted before or since for them. But on all occasions at least one parent has been a regular attender at the church.

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:05

pirate - absolutely the clothes wouldn't have been an issue if they'd not been chatting as well. But as it is I am being judgy about them because I felt as if they were looking down on the rest of us for not being so dressed up. Maybe that is silly - I just felt the whole attitude was that we were all a bit boring, and weren't we lucky they'd brought a cute baby here to liven things up?

OP posts:
cornsilkily · 04/04/2011 00:05

people like the OP put folk off going to church altogether. Not a very christian attitude.

squeakytoy · 04/04/2011 00:06

They were probably desperate to get it over with and get to the most important bit of the day.... the pub...

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:06

Thanks beer, that's a good point, and lesley too. I guess they could have just moved to the area or have some kind of family reason to want to use that church.

Thanks for listening to me get my judgy-pants untwisted. Smile

OP posts:
madhattershouse · 04/04/2011 00:07

I went to a wedding where 2 of the guests in front of me were feeling each other up and giggling! I am an athiest but I feel it is disrespectful, of your friends and the place !!

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:07

cornsilk, I do know it's not very christian, that's why I'm unravelling it here. And I didn't say anything to them, I just felt a bit odd about it.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 04/04/2011 00:07

Isn't the whole point of church to worship the Lord not to criticise what others are wearing? Confused

I'm sure the Lord is just grateful anyone turns up at all Wink

cantspel · 04/04/2011 00:08

The clothes wouldn't be an issue but the chatting shows a lack of respect for the people who take going to mass seriously.

cornsilkily · 04/04/2011 00:08

well I've come across this attitude before by church going mums and it riles me TBH. It's almost territorial

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:10

Well, I do feel territorial - I feel this is a special place for me and the rest of the congregation and it wasn't nice of them to take it over for two hours, which is what happens when you chat through a service. I'm not sure why that is so wrong?

OP posts:
EllenJane1 · 04/04/2011 00:11

You are reading too much into it LRD. They must have wanted to get their baby baptised, and they came to church to do it. Their family and friends may have just been there for the party after, but you are being a bit hard on the parents who probably thought they were doing the right thing for their child. They're not worried about how you dress!

cornsilkily · 04/04/2011 00:12

it's not your special place though

valiumredhead · 04/04/2011 00:13

Jesus loves everyone - including those who wear lace up dresses and chat in church Wink

cantspel · 04/04/2011 00:13

It is not wrong to feel that way as they showed lack of respect for you and your church.
The clothing is a red herring as the main issue is the talking though out the service.

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:13

Thanks Ellen, I'm sure you're right. I do feel better to know it wasn't totally stupid to be a bit upset, but I shouldn't make that into judginess about the clothes/other stuff.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 04/04/2011 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/04/2011 00:14

Two hours though - I'd fidget too...

DioneTheDiabolist · 04/04/2011 00:15

Cornsilkly the purpose of the ceremony was religious and spiritual. People chatting through it is not on. They can chat all they like outside and don't even need to be at the ceremony if it is not important to them. If it is then they should respect that, more so if others are also participating.

You say the OP puts you off church, fine, don't go. No one makes you. I wouldn't dream of going to your wedding and chatting throughout. It's rude.

Original poster
JaneS · 04/04/2011 00:16

corn - I don't think I own it, but it is special for me and for the rest of the congregation. If someone chooses to chat through the service, it disrupts it for everyone else, and I feel territorial because they've come in and taken over the service. I think it's reasonable for me to expect to be able to go and have 2 hours in church hearing a service if that is what has been organized - not two hours listening to someone else muttering.

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 04/04/2011 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cantspel · 04/04/2011 00:16

If they wanted just the baptism then they could have had a seperate baptism without the full mass. They opted to have the full works so they should have been prepared to sit through it all without disrupting other peoples worship.
Even if they dont respect the church it is only good manners not to chat whilst other people are trying to listen to the service.

cornsilkily · 04/04/2011 00:19

I'm probably a bit touchy after a really wannabe church mum (who was really nasty to me) used to moan about all the people who would turn up for particular occasions. I am projecting my wrath.

TheFallenMadonna · 04/04/2011 00:20

Some churches don't offer an alternative service. My priest takes the view that if the community is welcoming someone to the Church, then they should be there to do the welcoming. Or the judging or whatever Wink

cantspel · 04/04/2011 00:22

But plenty do so it would only be a matter of finding one.
My church gives you the option of either during the 10.30 sunday mass or a small seperate baptism on a sunday afternoon, no mass and takes about 20 minutes.

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