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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why I can't drive?

85 replies

leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:34

I've spent thousands of pounds on lessons and still can't seem to grasp how to drive. Don't get me wrong I can get from A to B, but if it comes to parking or trying to reverse round a corner I'm hopeless. Have no idea which way to turn the wheel and get all flustered...

I've been going out in the car with DH which is good but today I swung so wide round a road I almost hit a stationery car.

I am 40 years old, I have a phd and have a professional job. I manage to look after the dcs and yet I can't drive. I watch programmes like the Only Way is Essex and wonder how the not very bright people on there can drive. Even the most unintelligent people can drive a car.

AIBU to wonder what the hell is wrong with me, that I cant manage this basic skill?

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:37

Finding the right instructor for YOU makes a massive difference. I tried and tried for years then found a good instructor and passed in 4 months.

Can you manage gears ok, if you go automatic you can concentrate on the road more.

squeakytoy · 03/04/2011 18:38

Are you learning in a manual or an automatic? If manual, then try driving an auto instead, it should make a world of difference.

Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:39

I'm on my second instructor who is a vast improvement on the first but reluctant to try and find another.

OP posts:
HaggisNeepsnTatties · 03/04/2011 18:39

It's all about confidence and practice. You don't have to be "intelligent" to drive! I suspect you are over thinking it all......

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:40

I went through 10 instructors Blush looking back they were all shit, I mean REALLY shit compared to the one who got me through my test.

MorticiaAddams · 03/04/2011 18:42

There's nothing wrong with you, different people just have different skills and I agree with valium that a different instructor could make the world of difference.

Mine had a sticker on his back window, one corner of which lined up with the kerb the right distance away for reversing round the corner. I hope that makes sense as it's hard to describe.

I never mastered reverse parking and my instructor just said we'd have to hope I didn't get it in my test an luckily I didn't. I can do it now but it took a lot of parking to get it right.

Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:42

Hmm, I just kind of assumed that its something I should be able to do. When I think about it, its not that difficult. I'll watch people reversing into a space and think 'that looks straightforward' but then I'll try and do it myself and end up in a right muddle.

OP posts:
ensure · 03/04/2011 18:42

I can't pass either. I utterly sympathise.

bristolcities · 03/04/2011 18:43

Just remember that on your test even if you bugger up the maneuvers, if you do all your obs and go slow you will end up with 1 minor.

I no it's not all about passing a test but I don't think a lot of people really learn to drive untill they pass and start driving with out instruction.

I know I wasn't a really good driver untill about a year after passing.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:44

It's not that difficult but you just have to wait for it to 'click' and then it becomes easy. I reversed round a corner the other day and did it so easily yet spent HOURS trying to do it in lessons! Grin

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:46

I totally agree bristolcities - you don't learn to drive until you have passed your test.

gordyslovesheep · 03/04/2011 18:46

it took me over 30 hours for it to 'click' - don't give up - i took over a year and 3 tests!

Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:46

I've had one test and failed. I found myself stuck on a roundabout with traffic zooming from every angle and couldn't seem to make the move. Must have sat there for 10 mins, stalling the car 3 times before I actually drove off. Blush I feel mortified every time I think about it.

OP posts:
bristolcities · 03/04/2011 18:46

know* Blush oh typos.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:49

I don't think you were ready OP for your test if you did that. I loved my test, and drove really well as my instructor only put me in for it when he knew I was ready. Have you been learning with big driving schools - they are very pushy when it comes to putting you in for tests ime?

pantaloons · 03/04/2011 18:49

Practice is probably the key, but the only reason I got my reversing right was the sticker trick. My instructor even offered to put some in my own car, but to be honest I didn't end up doing the reverse/parellel park on my test and have never done it since.

I am the opposite at the moment in that I passed 12 years ago at 17, but currently aren't allowed to drive because of epilepsy. I feel like I have lost a limb!

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 03/04/2011 18:50

Most of the brain power used in driving is in a totally different part than academic and intellectual pursuits. Its motor memory, its not real sense.

Sounds to me like you have a block about it, you keep telling yourself you can't do it and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you stalled on a roundabout, so what? Don't do it again. Keep practicising. Hypnotherapy has had some success for people convinced they can't do things like drive.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:50

The only way to get really ready for tests is to have at LEAST 2 lessons a week in the run up.

CountBapula · 03/04/2011 18:52

I totally sympathise. I have gone through five different instructors during three attempts to learn (starting aged 17, ending last year at 32). I took my test last year while six months pregnant and failed. The next available test slot was on my due date! Shock

So I have more or less accepted that I am not a natural driver and will probably never pass. Driving terrifies me and gets me all flustered and confused. I've often wondered why I can't master this when millions of people do it easily every day. I have an Oxbridge first so am not thick by any means, but am not the most practical person in the world.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:52

winter is right - you stalled, so what? Once you pass you end up doing all sorts of crap things in a car, you just get on with it. The other day I drove like I had never passed my test at all, made some real blunders - next day was fine!

pantaloons · 03/04/2011 18:53

I'm back again! My mum had 4 tests at around 35 ish. She says the only reason she passed the fourth time was that she stalled at the first round about and so assumed she had failed. This meant her nerves left her and she passed as she did the right drill when she stalled. It was a case with going with the flow in the end for her, but nerves are a real killer.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 18:53

How many lessons have you actually had OP? The saying goes that you need one for every year of your age if you are over 20.

JoBettany · 03/04/2011 18:55

OP, I am relieved to read your thread. I am exactly the same. I've had three different instructors. I am now learning on an automatic as a last resort but have really lost heart.

I just find it so difficult. I can't park at all and as for reversing around a corner...

I feel like a total loser BTW.

Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:59

JoBettany, I feel like a loser too! My whole family and friends just don't get why I can't drive. I told no-one about my test but my dh came home early and found me in tears. I feel like I'm never going to get it. I'm amazed every day by how people can just get in their cars and drive off....

Drove with DH in the car, had to do speed limit and thought I was going to pass out. I so want to do it so I can take the dcs places. I'm so SICK of walking everywhere or asking people for lifts like a bloody teenager.

OP posts:
working9while5 · 03/04/2011 19:02

I have failed four tests over the last year, have had about 150 hours of driving tuition. I would say about 100 of these were with an instructor I just should have ditched but even changing to a much better instructor didn't make the difference.

It sounds like you are very academic. I am too. I overthink my faults and errors and try to analyse and "learn" from each encounter, but generalise poorly.

I think we just need more time. It's a pain, but it is what it is. I have a good friend who passed her eight test at 41 this year: it can be done. I am going to try hypnotherapy to stop me overthinking the process. Can't hurt!

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