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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why I can't drive?

85 replies

leftitlate · 03/04/2011 18:34

I've spent thousands of pounds on lessons and still can't seem to grasp how to drive. Don't get me wrong I can get from A to B, but if it comes to parking or trying to reverse round a corner I'm hopeless. Have no idea which way to turn the wheel and get all flustered...

I've been going out in the car with DH which is good but today I swung so wide round a road I almost hit a stationery car.

I am 40 years old, I have a phd and have a professional job. I manage to look after the dcs and yet I can't drive. I watch programmes like the Only Way is Essex and wonder how the not very bright people on there can drive. Even the most unintelligent people can drive a car.

AIBU to wonder what the hell is wrong with me, that I cant manage this basic skill?

OP posts:
HHLimbo · 03/04/2011 20:05

Can you get someone to drop you off in a large empty carpark eg of a supermarket, and then have an hour or so just practising parking and reversing round corners on your own? This is legal iirc as its private land.

Its helpful to just practise it again and again until you get it and it sticks.

you could do this as often as needed until you felt confident.

Good luck x

ladyintheradiator · 03/04/2011 20:05

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bemybebe · 03/04/2011 20:06

it is all to do with confidence, confidence and confidence again. confidence comes with positive practice. you really need to find someone who is sensitive to your needs, a sort of 'driving agony aunt' (or uncle), that will be happy to do a certain amount of hand-holding and is not overly critical. start slowly. confidence can be built very quickly once you believe that you will not get nervous under stress. good luck, you will be absolutely fine Wink

MavisEnderby · 03/04/2011 20:10

leftitlate i feel your pain.I am nearly 39 and can't drive.I have stopped and started sooo many times.I have failed 4 times.I must have spent £1000's too.I am beginning again in earnest,lesson booked next week!!I am also crap at manouvres (sp??) though not bad if I am going from a-b.I am hopeless,truly!!!

HHLimbo · 03/04/2011 20:10

I had lessons every week for a year and a half (house move and hospital stay in the middle of that), but then passed the test first time.

HHLimbo · 03/04/2011 20:13

12 hours is insane Flamin, I cant believe they expected anyone to finish that quickly!

1944girl · 03/04/2011 20:15

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valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 20:37

journey is right - you get used to the dimentions of your car and where it will fit etc BUT this only comes with loads and loads of practise. I learned in a Corsa but our car is a huge Subaru with twice the engine size and 4 wheel drive, it was like learning to drive all over again and I was in tears more than a couple of times the first week after passing my test and trying to get used to it. Practise really is the key.

JsOtherHalf · 03/04/2011 20:52

I ended up on beta blockers after the first 3 fails, passed on no 6 I think. I am an OK driver, no major crashes, but I have an easily repaired small car which has needed bumpers, wing mirrors, wings..lol.

valiumredhead · 03/04/2011 20:55

Yes beta blockers can help, I have a friend who was crippled by nerves even though she could drive perfectly well. I got by on copious amounts of Rescue Remedy Grin

chipmonkey · 03/04/2011 20:55

leftitlate, might you have dyspraxia? I'm pretty sure I do, though I've never been diagnosed and I took four tests before I passed. This was over several years too but I live in Ireland and they are very lax over here about letting people drive on a provisional license.

You could possibly have difficulties with spatial awareness and motor skills generally.

First of all, I would recommend asking around, find someone who did not find it easy to pass a test. Then ask them to recommend an instructor who helped them to pass. The first instructor I had was an oddball generally and absolutely ruined my confidence. I only found out afterwards that some of his instructions were actually incorrect.

Finally I got a recommendation from one of my patients for a particular driving school and could not believer the difference. He saw me twice on the week of my test and I passed with no problems.

I am also wondering if you would benefit from seeing a behavioural optometrist? If you check out BABO there is a list of practitioners. We work with vision in a more holistic way than your usual high street optician and can help with motor skills and visual perceptual issues, also laterality and directionality. Might be worth considering?

Fizzywinegum · 03/04/2011 21:10

I definitely think an automatic car would help. I passed my test over 20 years ago and hated the whole process although I did pass first time (not quite sure how!)

Because I hated it so much I didn't drive again for 20 years in spite of having 2 DCs and having to get the bus, rely on lifts etc etc. Eventually I had to drive because of my job (the irony of it!)

I had refresher lessons in an auto car and found it much easier compared to a manual car - no stalling at rounadabouts, wondering which gear to be in etc - I'm still not the best driver in the world but at least I have my independence and just find it easier to concentrate on the road without having to worry about gear changes and stalling -I just wish that I'd done it 20 years ago - good luck!

TheSecondComing · 03/04/2011 21:16

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TheSecondComing · 03/04/2011 21:18

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iamthere · 03/04/2011 21:21

You could be me... we can't even afford lessons at the moment either, so am doubly frustrated. I too wonder at supposedly 'thick' people on telly who just pootle along happily chatting to camera on the motorway, whereas I get a migraine just from the concentration needed to keep the car going! (Am not saying I'm a genius btw - just not practical like you say)

I'm nearly 37 and feel like a total idiot for not just doing it when I was 17 and getting it over and done with... I too have to beg lifts and am totally housebound (or small town-bound) with 3 kids while DH is at work. Can't see it changing either.

I have seriously considered hypnotherapy as I feel like I have a mental block about it now.

Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 23:01

hmm never thought of hypnotherapy before, but going to look into it. Willing to try anything. Meant to be going out in car tomorrow with friend, not sure if I can cope. Hate feeling so inadequate. Friend had a grand total of 12 lessons and passed first time....

OP posts:
Original poster
leftitlate · 03/04/2011 23:04

iamthere, I'm so with you! You see all these people on tv who have a camera shoved in their face while they're merrily driving along, easily swinging their car into the smallest parking space in the world. I mean look at Katie Price, Kerry Katona to name a few. It's not fair!!

OP posts:
FlaminGreatGallah · 03/04/2011 23:05

I was thinking that iamthere when flicking through the television channels earlier and noticing Kerry Katona doing just that. Fag in hand too!

lesley33 · 03/04/2011 23:12

I finally learnt to drive at 42. I had had 3 different instructors. I then found out that all driving instructors are assessed and given a grade, with grade 6 being the highest. I googled my area and grade 6 driving instructor and then booked a lesson with the only name that came up.

He was really brilliant and made me realise that the other instructors I had, although nice, weren't so skilled. I would recommend doing this and see if that makes a difference.

lookingfoxy · 03/04/2011 23:13

I could never get the hang of gears, well I could, but not at the same time as indicating and turning the wheel lol.
After A LOT of lessons in a manual, I decided to go to automatic and guess what, I passed first time.
Ive never had great co-ordination (im sure by todays standards thats classed as a disorder), now I can relax and actually enjoy driving, still can't parallel park if my life depended on it!!

megapixels · 03/04/2011 23:28

Different styles of teaching suit different people. My instructor was teaching me in the formulaic way (eg. for the corner reverse: reverse until quarter panel is in line with the kerb stone at the corner, then full right lock etc. etc. etc.) and I really struggled. But once I realised that it was ok to just follow the line of the kerb while turning the wheel as appropriate it became much easier for me. That was when I felt for the first time that I was fine to be on the road by myself, and that I could handle any situations that come up.

I also agree that you learn a lot more after you pass, so for now concentrate on passing the test. The examiner will not be looking for accuracy, they are looking for control. So if you muck up your manouvres a bit it doesn't matter much, as long as you have complete control of the car and can correct yourself safely, not to mention reacting appropriately to all observations.

And make sure you do very regular lessons, I'd recommend three per week at least. It makes a huge difference.

animula · 03/04/2011 23:46

My driving instructor told me that if you can negotiate a journey across a major city with a pushchair, you can drive.

I;m not entirely sure I believe him, but I can see where he was going with that thought. It is, I guess, roughly the same.

I'm still learning to drive (passed test several years ago now but have only recently started driving solo) and I do find it alarming. Agree with what others have said about common sense, spatial awareness, confidence, and being in the present/not fretting about things that have just happened.

Hypnotherapy ... do you think it would work?

ninedragons · 04/04/2011 08:21

I had a mental block on it (which I now realised was caused by my mum trying to give me lessons in my grandfather's 1960s tank of a Mercedes - it was like trying to turn the Titanic. Would have picked it up in days if my dad had let me learn in his crappy old VW Beetle) until I went go-karting. There weren't many people on the track (we went late at night) and DH assured me I could just stop if I felt I couldn't do it, and one of the track guys would run out and rescue me.

I started the engine and off I went like I had been doing it all my life. We went back for a couple more sessions and after about four I actually got invited to represent Guangdong Province in the Chinese national go-karting league (not that the Chinese are a nation of great drivers, I have to admit).

wildfig · 04/04/2011 08:53

Everyone in my family and circle of friends passed before they left school (my dad rather suspiciously passed on his 17th birthday, although that was back in 1898 and even then he probably hooted the man walking in front of the car with the red flag) - but I couldn't get the hang of it, because I felt I had to understand all the things I was doing wrong, in terms of the car. Which was totally counter-productive, considering I'd given up Physics at 15 and wasn't very 'spatially aware'. I just felt twice as stupid.

When I was 24, i decided I had to learn and did double lessons twice a week, with a reassuringly Mum-like BSM teacher. I passed after four months. I think the immersion in the driving really helped, as did refusing to practice with anyone who'd forgotten what it was like not to be able to drive (which is about 99% of all drivers).

The track day for beginners idea is a good one - it'll give you so much more confidence about controlling the car. Nothing - nothing - used to annoy me more than people who blithely said, 'Oh, you don't learn to drive till after you've passed your test', but it's true: you don't have to be a brilliant driver to pass, you just have to be safe.

Original poster
leftitlate · 04/04/2011 11:35

lesley, that's interesting about all instructors being given a grading, I had no idea. Now wondering what grade my instructor is. She does seem to have a lot of students who pass so I do think it is me being crap that is the problem!

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