to throw this book in the bin?

[warzone]

It was a present for my 2yr old dd. It is called "Be the best ever princess!" The 'content' (ha!) basically involves wearing pink dresses, eating pink cakes, living in a pink castle, being waited on hand and foot, having parties all the time, being the most beautiful of all girls and, of course, meeting a handsome prince.

Would it be ridiculous of me to throw the book in the bin on the grounds that these are the opposite values I want to teach my dd?

I am hesitating because a) it was a present and b) dd seems to like it.

Yes, there are plenty of women and girls sold on the pink princess stereotype, for many reasons, but there are plenty of women who are not and who still enjoyed those pink princess fairytales when they were young, myself included.

I think the OP is getting a little worked up over a book. But if the book really does offend her then she should throw it out, not recycle it for another innocent girl to be corrupted by. Because that little girl may not have parents so controlling concerned and that little girl may end up liking pink for the rest of her life and wanting to become an extra in 'the only way is Essex'. Ok I'm being glib. Yes, books can influence values but only if there are few other influences around.

Right. So.

You go ahead and bin the book. Now, three years down the line, DD is bought a similar book. She's read the book, decides it's one of her favourites, but you don't like it. So, you decide to bin it. That tells DD that she DOESN'T get a choice in what she reads, what she watches, what she does? Now, I'm all for an element of censorship, but this is only harmful material if you handle it wrong. Kids need some choice, and rather than binning things, how about approaching them from a different angle

Someone asked if I censor DS's toys etc. Of course I do to an extent. As a 3 year old superhero fan, I don't let him watch films such as Batman, etc. But he has the toys. He has books about little boys playing up, but we read that and comment on how naughty the character is. You have fictional stories. You can discuss the stories, and explain what is real. My 3 year old knows trains don't talk, despite watching every Thomas the Tank episode. Nor does he want to be a superhero when he grows up.

What's more important to your child is not what is presented in the fictional world to your child, but how you present the real world. If your little boy wants a barbie, does that mean he's going to turn into a cross dresser? No. In fact, if the fictional world is so damned influential, then something is going wrong.

Just a little anecdote. DS was roleplaying at nursery the other day. Now, as a child who is exposed to Disney films/Superheroes/etc on a regular basis, he picked up some books (whilst still wearing his cape) and said he was off to uni, like Mummy.

I would have kept the book until your daughter was old enough to decide whether she liked that style of book or not. If she didn't (ie if it was against her child's values) then I would have got rid of it. If she liked it then I would have kept it as it's her book, her choice,not mine.

As long as the material is age appropriate I would never censor what a child reads. Reading is one big way they learn about the world and decide on their own values rather than end up having the same values as their parent/s.

yabu: just let her draw on it :)

I believe there is no harm keeping the book ,I have a 2 yr old ~she would love it :)

I get fed up with all the pinky -princess-y-boring-ness for girls ...that is why I dress her in a lot of navy and she plays with cars ,but I would imagine a book that she listens to now will actually have very little impact in the long run .

As a child, my sister LOVED train sets and showed very little interest in girly things ...now all she wants is pink ????

Dont bin it for gods sake

im sure we all ready this fluff as kids and we dont think the world revolves around pink & shiz

I censored all my children's books when they were little. Mainly because I was the one that bought them, and there was no way I was going to buy them the majority of books out there which are (or were) absolute drivel. I love books and I want my children to read the best books, with great pictures and good stories that we would all be happy to read over and over again.

dd has just come and looked over my shoulder and she agrees you should throw this book away. Not just because of the princessy rubbish, but because with an unimaginative tittle like that it must be rubbish.

I can understand your feelings OP, but I think its just a book and its okay for little girls to enjoy princess things as long as there is lots of discussion about the stereotypes as they get older and different books to give balance. Also, it was a gift to her and its not so outlandish a present IMO that it warrants you intervening and throwing it out - its hers after all.

I have a son and am also very concerned about gender stereotypoing - but its impossible to get away from. I just try to keep a firm mind on balance and on consciously helping him be a well rounded boy.

It's not her favourite book, she won't cry herself to sleep without it and it isn't the gutenberg bible. It's just part of the tidal wave of sexist crap telling her that nice girls are a certain sort of person and should aim to be successful in a particular sort of way. Bin it.

If it was "little Black Sambo" or other racist garbage shed been given you wouldn't give it to a charity shop. She's not old enough to understand that she is being given a subliminal message.

Good grief you lot think far too much!
DD1 (now 16) used to love anything pink and princessy, she had a pink bedroom and lots of princessy type books and toys, alongside other more 'normal' toys 7 books.
She hasn't ended up a simpering barbie lookalike, she's a beautiful, well educated, free thinking girl who loves her black skinny jeans the most. Her prom dress is definitely UN-princessy (sleek fishtailed and classic). She wanted no frills or poufs, she grew out of all that in her own time. I let her like what she wanted to and encouraged her to think about her actions.
Let little girls be little girls, they'll grow up to be raving feminists like you in their own time.

Completely on your side, OP, well done for getting rid of it.

I'm utterly at those of you who are all "eh, she'll just rip out the pages or draw on it". You seriously allow your children to deface books? Bloody hell.

Fiveis, if my daughter grows up to be a raving feminist, I'll have done my job well. No need for the crossy-outy preciousness.

dontcallmepeanut - excellent post and I agree with every word.

To those who agree with the OP, I have a question for you: do you let/approve of your daughters reading classic fairy tales? They come under the umbrella of good literature but are also often full of princess themes/being beautiful/finding a handsome prince.

What about Disney films - Sleeping Beauty/Cinderella/Snow White etc....all have a similar theme. Do you not let your daughters watch these films?

Surely it's better for their overall education to let them read/watch what they want but keep talking about these topics as they get older rather than banning completely. They can then make an informed choice about their views. I think it's a little short-sighted to think that a girl will be a dizzy airhead who wants to marry a prince by reading a pink fluffy princess book aged 2.

I see banning stuff like this akin to banning sweets: they'll go mad for them when out of your control. And you do lose that control as they get older. I don't particularly like my dds reading Jacqueline Wilson but it's a drop in the ocean of all the other books they read.

For what its worth, I was brought up by a mother who was militantly anti pink and frilly and I think she pushed it too far and actually made it sound appealing because it was so verboten. I grew up seeing femininity as a form of rebellion and have had a lifelong love of pink ever since. I'm also proud to call myself a feminist and I wouldn't see marriage to a prince and a life of indolence as a goal at all, so maybe I did absorb some of my mum's values. But I'd be careful about making it all sexy by mistake by going too far out of your way to demonize it. I'd let her keep the book and make sure you balance it out with stories which show women in active roles, whatever it may be. Bin it and you'll just make it feel like forbidden fruit, IMHO.

No, her dd is 2 - she needn't say anything, she can bin it and replace it with another and not be pushing any message overtly.

I've got rid of quite a few books over the years. I binned one because it was racist (I think unwittingly racist). A few I have binned on grounds of quality.

There are so many utterly fantastic books out there for all age groups, and access in our western country in a time of relative plenty isn't a problem when you can get good books in charity shops for 5 for 50p (for a start).

I say bin the crap and concentrate on the good.

The argument about fairy tales isn't that cut and dried. Disney doesn't represent fairy tales all that well. (We don't ban Disney but it is Not Encouraged! Have a ds anyway so it's not so much of a thing.)

It's like the bible: they're part of culture, part of language, and the original tales are quite dark and interesting and varied. Very far removed from fluffy pink princesses who like money and shopping and clothes.

yabu because I have a strong view that it's really awful to throw any book away.

But if you're not happy with the values the book projects that I think yanbu not to let her have it.

The thing is, at two years old you still have control over what she wears, what she's exposed to etc. I don't dislike pink and princesses per se, but I dislike the way these things are marketed to girls these days (so much more than when I was a child in the 70s) and the messages attached to them. The message in the OP's book is awful. I wouldn't want to read it to my DD myself.

When my own DD is older she will be choosing her clothes and books and toys and I hope I will be able to discuss her choices with her. However, for now, whilst I still have control over this, I would not keep the book as its message (according to what the OP has described) as well as the overwhelming pink/princess marketing aimed at girls these day goes against my personal beliefs.

Out of curiosity, if you live with dd's dad, what was his reaction?

I don't get why it is a crime to bin a book.
I was told that too (as a child), but times have changed.

Lighten up

Not sure it has been mentioned, but in response to the posters saying that its' fine for little girls to be princesses just like little boys want to be superheroes...
that it's the other side of the same coin.

I couldn't disagree more! I think that aspiring to be a superhero is quite good, it means believing in yourself overcoming obstacles, having all sorts of adventures and perhaps saving the world, in one way or another.

Whereas being a princess requires being pretty and essentially waiting for a prince (a kind of a superhero) to save you. And that is a life lesson that we don't forget, and may explain to a degree the lack of confidence in a lot of women. Especially those that like their men chivalrous, and still expect to be saved by the special man in their lives.

If I ever have a daughter, I hope she will somehow escape the pinkness and the fluffiness and the wings and the rest of the tat. I won't ban it, I just won't cover her in it, like so many little girls I see around me.

"Let little girls be little girls"

I fully agree.

But why does being a little girl automatically involve loving pink shit and wanting to be one of life's parasites?

Being a little girl, as far as I can see from my own 3yo daughter, involves trying to ride a bike, jumping off stuff, baking, wanting to be involved in absolutely EVERYTHING, sometimes dressing up as a fairy and sometimes dressing up as a pirate, and never shutting up. I'm broadly in favour of all that - but isn't that pretty much what little boys do too, provided you don't read them shite like the OP is discussing?

I Think some people are giving their kids too little credit to think that if they are bought things that are princessy and pink they will grow up to think this is how the world is etc, you're children have eyes, and awareness they know eventually it is just fantasy, like we all did.
The bigger messages are from parents OP if she didn't have any books and was constantly fed 'you must be pretty' that would be a far bigger issue.

I was raised on disney films and horror films and used to play with guns wore crappy clothes as a kid.
I ought to be a psychotic big butch lesbian in a princess dress shooting people according to stereotypes.

(i'm not condoning the horror btw)