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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to throw this book in the bin?

175 replies

warzone · 03/04/2011 16:34

It was a present for my 2yr old dd. It is called "Be the best ever princess!" The 'content' (ha!) basically involves wearing pink dresses, eating pink cakes, living in a pink castle, being waited on hand and foot, having parties all the time, being the most beautiful of all girls and, of course, meeting a handsome prince.

Would it be ridiculous of me to throw the book in the bin on the grounds that these are the opposite values I want to teach my dd?

I am hesitating because a) it was a present and b) dd seems to like it.

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 03/04/2011 21:22

Its just a book. Your DD likes it. And actually the minute she's old enough to understand, isn't it an opportunity to 'laugh' about it together and say 'oh what a silly empty headed girl, there are far better things to wish for' and talk about what those things might be? She is going to encounter pink fluffy 'meet a handsome prince and get married' nonsense whatever happens. Surley better to laugh it off and set the tone for the next time she comes across such tripe.

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/04/2011 21:23

dontcallme - my DD also loves that Oliver Jeffers book but it's not giving a message that's so insidious. It's like giving a book to a boy that tells him that he must be tough and strong and never cry. The book the OP describes appears to be pandering to an outdated stereotype of what a "little girl" should be.

I find the whole princess thing absolutely ghastly but my DD loves the Disney princesses and bloody Barbie. I don't censor any of that stuff (she has loads of it) but I wouldn't want her to have a book that (from what the OP has said) only focuses on the superficial.

Onetoomanycornettos · 03/04/2011 21:27

Thing is, as a child you are acutely aware of what other children has. I used to go round to other children's houses and see their Barbie dolls houses and be speechless with jealousy. I know what my parents were trying to do, but even in the 1970's and '80's there were girls toys and boys toys. Personally, I allow presents to be kept but I don't buy Bratz or princess books myself, when they arrive in our house, we look at them, talk about them, and they are just no big deal (although having a good laugh at the Bratz dolls big heads and feet is quite fun).

JojoLapin · 03/04/2011 21:28

Barbie and Disney don't focus on superficial outdated stereotypes?... Sounds similar to the OP's book to me.

fanofpeamum · 03/04/2011 21:32

don'tcallmepeanut, if you have DCs you must surely be making decisions all the time about what is ok for them and what not? It's just that you happen not to agree here that the princess book is bad enough to get rid of.

For what it's worth, we normally just keep things DS is given. Also let him by stupid magazines with plastic tat on the front with his pocket money. Occasionally I put something out of the way and hope he forgets about it. And once, shock horror, I threw away a Thomas workbook he was given because I couldn't bear the stupid message of the story. (James needs repainting and decides he wants a flowery pattern. Then all the other engines laugh at him. He goes back to being red and feels much better. Hmm)

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/04/2011 21:34

Jojo, there is usually an element of trial/strength/good triumphing over evil in the Disney/Barbie stories. I'm not keen on them, as I've said, (although, actually, I did like Tangled) but I'm not prepared to censor that far. I did say when my DD was born, though, that there would be no Disney princess crap in our house Blush.

Guildenstern · 03/04/2011 21:35

YANBU. My daughter was given a similar book for Christmas from nursery and it went straight to the charity shop.

JojoLapin · 03/04/2011 21:48

Ah, I also liked Tangled... Disney's take on Rapunzel's story was sweet and fun. It's the censoring of books that bothers me (as well as book throwing rather than passing it on).

ColonelBrandonsBiggestGroupie · 03/04/2011 22:04

How on earth are Barbies or Disney Princess stuff different to a book that allows a child to imagine being a princess?

And is a book that lets a little girl (or boy) imagine being a princess any worse than a book which lets a little boy (or girl) imagine that they are a train driver, or a racing car driver, or whatever?

Grumpla · 03/04/2011 22:06

Bin.

moonstorm · 03/04/2011 22:08
Blush

Sorry - I totally misread. NOW you make sense. I think I might agree with you Grin

BelleDameSansMerci · 03/04/2011 22:11

CBBG, I think there is a difference between a book/film which tells the story of triumph over adversity and a book which "basically involves wearing pink dresses, eating pink cakes, living in a pink castle, being waited on hand and foot, having parties all the time, being the most beautiful of all girls and, of course, meeting a handsome prince."

I admit it's a thin line but I think it's there.

Each to their own, however...

MilaMae · 03/04/2011 22:15

Get rid.

I detest that kind of trash,I also hate badly written books(which I suspect this book is).Kids deserve decent books there are hoards of them out there so there is no need to keep drivel.I charity shop the few trashy books we've had but if something is truly awful and I don't particularly want it inflicted on another child I'd bin it.

There are plenty of great princess books if you want to go down that theme eg The Paperbag Princess,Princess Grace and I think Julia Donaldson did one(colours with the princess rescuing herself)?????

cheekeymonkey · 03/04/2011 22:19

Ok, you lot, get rid of all your children's princess stories. That will leave more empty headed-princess loving millionaires for the rest of us 'real' pink girlies! Grin

pigletmania · 03/04/2011 22:29

Your dd is 2 she is not going to understand any subliminal messages that you think this books gives off, its a book, like the rest of the other fairytale books whereby the princess is rescued by a handsome prince. You are looking at it from an adult point of view. It does not mean your dd will grow up to want to marry a rich man and live in a fairycastle. She will probably just rip the pages out or scribble on them.

ravenAK · 03/04/2011 22:33

It'd go straight in the recycling here.

If I object to the 'message' of a book (& I would to this one) then I wouldn't choose to pass it on, via charity shop or whatever.

I love books. But it's the message not the medium - a cheaply produced book is not a valuable artefact in the C21st.

halfyorkshiremanhalfessexgirl · 03/04/2011 22:41

I couldn't bin a book, even a 'cheaply produced' one. I'd pass this one on to a charity shop - some parent might think that this was a great message for their child - and it would be their right to think that.

And some good would come of getting rid of it.

Sounds vile however.

thenameiwantedwastaken · 03/04/2011 22:46

To those of you saying 'she's only two she won't understand it', would you be happy reading your two year-old a racist book, then? After all, they're only two they won't understand it.

Am not saying that this book is as bad as being some racist tirade but it sounds like it is promoting values (golddigging/laziness/frivolity/importance of appearance) that the OP finds offensive. I wouldn't really want something like that around my house and I couldn't really bring myself to read it to my DD.

But then I even have to change the storyline in The Tiger Who Came to Tea. - Oh no, the strange foreign-looking tiger came and ate all the food, there's nothing mummy could do to stop him so she just sat in her chair looking bewildered until daddy came home who had the very good idea that the family could eat out that night. Thank God for that, little Sophie would have starved if it was all left up to mummy!

Dancergirl · 03/04/2011 23:01

YABU

You can't censor every toy/book your dd has because it doesn't conform with your values. Where would it end?

Will you also object to her dressing up in Disney princess dresses, reading fairy stories, watching Disney films?

Is she your 1st child?

fanofpeamum · 03/04/2011 23:09

Sorry Dancergirl, but how does that argument work in any way at all? Of course OP can choose to censor some things and let other things go, just like every parent does.

Goofymum · 03/04/2011 23:10

"Would it be ridiculous of me to throw the book in the bin on the grounds that these are the opposite values I want to teach my dd?"

What kind of message does it send out then that your daughter likes a book and you override that and throw out the book anyway?

I am sure your DD has plenty of books. Why not let her choose which ones she likes to read? If she always goes for the pink princess one, so what! My DDs are both into pink princesses/faires/God awful american TV but they also have plenty of other things to stimulate their mind and they have me and DH and other role models to teach them values. I am not worried about 1 single little book!!

dittany · 03/04/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenAK · 03/04/2011 23:25

Hmmm.

For me, it's as if someone emailed me a link - or posted it on FB - or shoved a flyer through my door.

If I think the content is ghastly meritless offensive bilge, I'll bin it.

I don't think: but someone else might really like this, so I'd best forward it/shove it through next door's letterbox.

A book is only a wodge of paper. Despite my best efforts to discourage it, I chuck more paper guff in the recycling at work, weekly if not daily, than would equate to one kid's book...

We really aren't slinging the Gutenberg Bible here.

scottishmummy · 03/04/2011 23:38

you need to like the books you read to -as repetition is a biggie in reading so if you dont like it give to someone else,put ina party bag,leave in a cafe

BeerTricksPotter · 03/04/2011 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.