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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH how we're going to handle MIL's smoking

104 replies

HormonalANDLivid · 02/04/2011 22:32

Long story cut short. 36 weeks pregnant and just had BLAZING row with DH about his DM's smoking. AIBU in expecting him to intervene if she turns up stinking of smoke and expecting a cuddle off baby? Apparently, I'm just being a hypothetical drama queen - granted I'm hormonal, but I really don't want my DD curled up breathing in stale cigarette smoke that according to DH will be non-existant. He says MIL is not stupid - she's not - and I know she won't smoke in the same room as baby, but what if she has one on the way over to visit??? Somebody detached please provide me with sound advice. AIBU???? Seeing red, pacing the floor and still spoiling for a row, me.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:29

There are risks to a baby if someone smells of cigarettes - there have been a lot of studies.

Have any actually been proved?

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 23:32

To my knowledge none of the 'risks' have been proved and are little more than scaremongering.

catchmeifyoucan · 02/04/2011 23:33

Of course they are scaremongering! This war on smokers is getting frightfully boring.

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:33

second hand smoke is not what we are talking about though Ivy.. nobody is going to be smoking in front of the child.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/04/2011 23:36

IvyKaty... It's not a question of measuring levels from smoking around the baby as nobody will be. It's a question of latent smoke from clothes/skin afterwards. There is, as I said, a raft of medical opinions and research out there... whether somebody is qualified to interpret it is another matter entirely.

I smoked for 20 years so whether or not I have harmed myself, I'm not going to attribute it (or even try to) to my exposure to smoking as a child.

DuelingFanjo · 02/04/2011 23:37

smokers do stink, I am an ex-smoker and I actually thought no one would know in work when I sneaked off for a sly fag. I know better now I can properly breathe.

FabbyChic · 02/04/2011 23:40

My boyfriends brother just had a new baby, the wee nipper is only 5lb 1oz and 3 days old, they have no problems with letting him have a cuddle and he smokes.

I guess it is each to their own, but I do think some people take it all too far.

mathanxiety · 02/04/2011 23:42

Third Hand Smoke . The danger has nothing to do with the smell.

mathanxiety · 02/04/2011 23:45
FabbyChic · 02/04/2011 23:47

Ive two children 23 and 17, I have always smoked. I used to put my fag in the ashtray and stub it out just before feeding them.

They have never been to the doctors for anything other than acne. Nothing wrong with their health at all.

My dad is over 70 his mother was the same with him.

All this scare tactics yet look at how old people live to nowadays.

As I said, each to their own.

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:48

I just read that link Mathanxiety, and even the article itself says there is no actual proof of any risk.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/04/2011 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 23:49

Mathanxiety Can you provide a link where the dangers have actually been proved please?

Did you even read the title of the link you provided?

"Researchers warn cigarette dangers may be even more far-reaching"

HaggisNeepsnTatties · 02/04/2011 23:50

FabbyChic - don't you know 7th hand smoke is the cause of acne? Wink

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2011 23:50

Lots of people smoked when I was a kid and there were no long lasting effects other than a moment or two unpleasantness

I think this was the part of your post which really stuck in my throat it is absolute twaddle and its stinks, perhaps you do see it very differently from me and genuinly don't see smoking as a problem, no you will never know if second hand smoke or first hand smoke is a problem to you.

Smoke on clothing has also been tested and is a problem - go and google third hand smoke and babies and see for yourself how it can harm

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:51

Smoke on clothing has also been tested and is a problem - go and google third hand smoke and babies and see for yourself how it can harm

Ivy, there is no proof that it can harm. None whatsoever.

BeerTricksPotter · 02/04/2011 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2011 23:54

squeaky - proove it then, find evidence that it doesn't cause harm

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:54

Air fresheners, car fumes, fumes from a bonfire, and especially from a coal or wood fire in the house, are all damaging.

squeakytoy · 02/04/2011 23:55

Ivy, please find me the proof that it does. Because I have yet to read any actual confirmation.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 02/04/2011 23:56

No, I'm not going to buy into the hysteria, Ivykaty. I was talking about my own experiences and my own memories. Smoking risks are now very well known and much has been done to protect people from harmful effects of it. I think it gets to a point where you either accept that life is risky and you take whatever measures you think are necessary to protect yourself, or you just throw your hands up in in the air and panic over every little thing.

You refer to my posts as 'rubbish', 'twaddle' and the like... I suggest you don't read them.

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2011 23:56

no you are telling me it doesn't cause any harm - so proove it give me the evidence that is doesn't harm as you say it doesn't

LoveLeonardCohen · 02/04/2011 23:57

YANBU.....I wouldn't like anyone who reeked of smoke coming my DD or DS, and in fact, DP gave up smoking before their arrival because I do think it's quite disgusting to have tobacco smokey breath and fingers all over little ones....amen