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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in letting my child play in the park

86 replies

Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 15:52

It is a big children's park, you can't see from one end to the other. It is a children's park, fenced, and has play ranger types employed by the council in holidays. Also a bouncy castle and roundabout with a small charge. People come from quite a way to use it.

My ds is 6. I also have a toddler, so when we go i tell the older one if ge loses wight of me to meet him back at the meeting point (near the water fountain). He was ok with that.

So, one day I slowly walked up with the toddler to the zipwire thing, where older ds was waiting with a 'concerned dad' "He wasn't sure where his mum is!" says the dad, all concerned...

Is this normal? Isn't it okay for him to be playing or should i be watching him the whole time? That would be impossible with my toddler too.

In honesty, looking for some advice. Am from a small Scottish island where we just used to run wild as kids, now live in the south of England.

An unsure about whether to go back again, which is a shame as it is a great park. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 15:54

Sorry, meant "if he loses sight of me'

OP posts:
ragged · 02/04/2011 15:55

I don't think yabu, but a lot of parents just wouldn't do it in Britain, nowadays.
Really only you know the park and your 6yo.
I suppose most people would feel more confident about it when child was at least 8yo.
I know what you mean about parks where you can't see from one play area to another, that drives me crazy, too.

hecate · 02/04/2011 15:58

I'd personally make sure I kept a 6 yr old in sight at a big open place. They are still very little and in need of supervision.

TrillianAstra · 02/04/2011 16:02

So the "concerned dad" made your DS wait around by the zipwire, when DS knew that the correct protocol was to go to the water fountain if he couldn't see where you were?

Doesn't sound like a terribly helpful thing to do.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:07

I don't let my dd (6) out of sight when we are at the park etc to be honest. 6 is still fairly young.

Underachieving · 02/04/2011 16:12

It may mean that you have to teach your children that they have to compromise for each other. Little one plays on the little toys for a while while big one amuses himelf within your eyeline (perhaps take a ball or toy car), then big one gets to run wild on the good stuff while little one and you read a book on the bench within eyeline. That's what I'd do.

louloudia · 02/04/2011 16:13

good on the dad for watching out for kids who might be lost/alone

pookiecat · 02/04/2011 16:18

It sounds lovely that your 6 yr old can have freedom, however you dont know who else is in the park ,not trying to scare you but please be careful.

slugz · 02/04/2011 16:20

I would let a normal 6yo play where I can't see them, if they are fully aware of how to find you. I would imagine most 6yos would be able to do that.
IMO people are far too cautious these day to the detriment of independence and fun.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:22

Keeping them safe and allowing them to have independence are not mutually exclusive slugz.

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 16:25

tbh i think this episode has shown you that actually, your ds wont reliably go to the fountain so you do need to keep and eye on him. at 6 years old i can totally understand that he listened to an adult who told him to stay with him instead of arguing and going to the fountain. your ds obviously isn't assertive enough to tell the adult that he needs to go somewhere else so i wouldn't trust him to do it right the next time he gets lost.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:28

You're right booyhoo it also shows that 6 year olds, no matter how much we tell them not to, will wander off with strange adults if they think its safe. Thankfully on this occasion it was.

I don't do the whole paedophile paranoia but I do think it is unsafe to let a 6 year old play in a public area unsupervised. Seriously, anything could happen.

SpringHeeledJack · 02/04/2011 16:28

what slugz sez

I often lose sight of at least one of mine at a time in a playground- when you have more than one it's impossible to keep constant track of each one at any one time

as long as you have an eye on the exit, and he knows not to go out/you have a meet up plan, I'd say fine

worraliberty · 02/04/2011 16:33

Did your child actually tell this man he didn't know where his mother was?

tomhardyismydh · 02/04/2011 16:33

i would plan to keep my dd who is 5 in view not neccesarily close, but that does not always mean she does. I would not panick if she strayed bit though and always ceck every few moments if for instance the slide is blocking my view, the urgency off this would depend how busy it is.

I would not take offence if somone attempted to help my child but I would reinforce to her never to go and "look for mummy" with anyone or leave her spot with any one.

I also would not encourage a lost child to move or stay put, I would keep that child in view untill they were reunited with parent or alert police etc.

NorthernGobshite · 02/04/2011 16:40

tomhardy I agree that 'in view' doesn't have to mean close by. I think slugz etc think that supervising a child means following them around at a close proximity, but not so. You CAN foster independence whilst ensuring childs safety.

colditz · 02/04/2011 16:48

It's a good job it was a benign person he automatically obeyed, really, rather than a malign one.

I think this incident shows that he isn't ready to be off on his own yet, because he just wandered up the nearest person and said "I don't know where my mum is". Not safe behavior for a child playing alone.

tomhardyismydh · 02/04/2011 16:54

I think the main thing is maintaing safety like said by other posters, and you cant maintain safety if you dont know where the child is I also reinforce that dd stays where she can see me.

BertieBotts · 02/04/2011 17:03

The man probably saw him alone, said "Where's your mummy?" and he replied "I don't know". Factually correct, but not that reassuring for the adult! But saying "I don't know but she told me to meet her at the fountain if I get lost" wouldn't occur to a 6yo. It doesn't mean he wouldn't have come to find the OP if he needed to.

BertieBotts · 02/04/2011 17:04

But I do agree the fact he stayed with the man is worrying - if he was a bit older he'd probably say "I'm fine thanks" and carried on playing.

EllenJane1 · 02/04/2011 17:15

We completely lost our 3 year old in Legoland once. We were watching the only exit of the play area but somehow he snuck out to the (mens) toilet and was in there shouting " wipe my bum". Luckily a kind dad rang our mobile no. On the sticker on his back and we were reunited. Not before we had informed security! Very embarrassing but at least he was found. We were much more careful after that! So, keep them in sight until you are completely sure they can be trusted to understand and follow your 'stranger danger' instructions.

Original poster
Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 18:50

Booyhoo and others, he was just waiting his turn for the zipwire thing not looking for me or anything, the man just asked him..he is quite independant and knew to go to the fountain if he needed me, he was just waiting his turn.

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 18:51

So no he didn't wander up to anyone...

OP posts:
Original poster
Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 18:53

and 3 is very different to 6. Sorry but actually feeling not very understood here. He is pretty sensible. There are queues for these things you see. (zipwire)

OP posts:
ShipsThatPass · 02/04/2011 18:56

You are completely understood orange but we are expressing our concern that a child of 6 is too young to be left to play in a public place without supervision. Thats all.

Don't post on AIBU if you don't want an answer.