in letting my child play in the park

[Orangeflower7]

It is a big children's park, you can't see from one end to the other. It is a children's park, fenced, and has play ranger types employed by the council in holidays. Also a bouncy castle and roundabout with a small charge. People come from quite a way to use it.

My ds is 6. I also have a toddler, so when we go i tell the older one if ge loses wight of me to meet him back at the meeting point (near the water fountain). He was ok with that.

So, one day I slowly walked up with the toddler to the zipwire thing, where older ds was waiting with a 'concerned dad' "He wasn't sure where his mum is!" says the dad, all concerned...

Is this normal? Isn't it okay for him to be playing or should i be watching him the whole time? That would be impossible with my toddler too.

In honesty, looking for some advice. Am from a small Scottish island where we just used to run wild as kids, now live in the south of England.

An unsure about whether to go back again, which is a shame as it is a great park.

Booyhoo- yes i don't know why the man asked him- think he was just an overworried dad

weird.

I have a six year old and a three year old and I wouldn't let either of them play out of my sight. We go to the park, and they go off and play, but the fenced in play area part of the park is designed so you can see all of it and I prefer it that way. The children know they are not allowed out of the play area on their own.

DS 6yo goes to the park over the road that I can see from my house. He also goes to off to play in the parks like the one OP is describing. I do check on him though and we are ususally with friends at these places.

OP the park you went to sounds great. I'm South England could you tell me where it is my friends and I are always looking for new exiting places to takes the DC's.

Would be fine by me. Sounds just like our park and dd can go where she wants to. Mostly I can see her but sometimes lose sight if concentrating on two year old. Also, friend was really concerned that I let dd go to the special children's loos by herself. I really can't see why that's a problem. As long as child happy and you have clear ground rules then fine. Sone children ready for this sort of independence sooner than others.

Runout- yes I wish ours was...(could see all) it is fenced though..people come all the way from Bristol to it (is in Bath) we are lucky but yes get a bit slow with the toddler. It is Victoria Park, Bath. Am usually 'there' just trailing behind.

Ooh that park sounds good and nearby too - I might go and wilfully neglect DD there sometime! We are can do a wilfully neglectful mother sit in

If your DS is anything like my DS1 was when he was 6, then I'd say YANBU.

I live in Bath too Orangeflower and I have to say that the Vic park playground makes me feel a bit stressed on busy days - it can get SO hectic and crowded. I definitely wouldn't let my nearly 6 year old dd out of my sight there. I have a 3 yo too and I tend to try and make sure we're all in one area of the park at the same time and move around it together.

By the way, I can totally recommend the Alice Park playground which is smaller and a lot more chilled!

Do you know, when I first saw the thread I thought 'sounds like Victoria Park.' I spent many a happy hour there as a child. Bouncy castle and everything, even in the early 70's.

Yes my dp says when he was small his parents used to drop him off with his two older sisters and go shopping! (in the 70s) Ah!

Call me overprotctive but I am genuinely surpised that the majority seem to think this is fine...to let a year old out of sight in a busy park.

I think many people are right in saying that there are diffrent degrees of maturty. But when awful things do happen, everyone seems shocked that small kids are alone in vulnerabe situations.

I have a 6 year old...I let her play outside the front of our house as there's no traffic and I sit in the kitchen and can watch her a bit..she knows the rules. So I am not really precious or anyhting...I just think when you add a tonne of other people...a busy day and lots of distractions then it's an altogether different sitution. Other dangers need to be considered.

And yes must try and make it to Alice park, that means a good treck along London Rd though! Keep meaning to try it, thanks..

Oh my God bacon....are you serious? You let a three year old out of sight in the park?

Am I completely precious?

I also read the OP and thought Victoria Park. Great Park.

I took my DD there last year, when she was 6, and let her out of my sight. Its such a big park, that it is impossible to keep an eye on two children who like to go in opposite directions!

Provided your child is responsible and knows about stranger danger, then I would happily allow my child to do this. In fact, I think in many ways children who are given more freedom like this can be safer than those who are not. I know my DD (who now at 7 is allowed to go to the park with friends, no busy roads to cross, but the swings are a 2 minute walk from my house). However, she knows her very strict rules - she goes there with a friend, comes back with the friend and does not detour at all. As her freedom is very important to her, and she knows all about stranger danger, she will not break these rules. I know because another mum told me how impressed she was with my DD who refused to go back home for a playdate with her DD when asked.

However, my youngest DD doesn't really get stranger danger yet - and I live in fear of the fact that all I have got to do is get distracted and take my eye off her for a minute (say DD1 fell over and hurts herself or something) and she wouldn't have the skills to not go off with someone. I can't rely on always being able to watch her at all times. These things can happen in a split second.

So actually, I think what you're doing is great. If we're going to teach children to protect themselves, I really do believe that we have got to give them the freedom to develop the skills to protect themselves. If your child lived abroad, in some countries he would be expected to walk to and from school himself within a year - its only our country which massively over protects our children, and I don't think it does them any favours.

Well, not only the UK which over protects. But you get the point :o

I don't keep my eyes on my 3 or 6 year old all the time at the park, I have 3 children and not enough eyes. They are playing, in a park full of kids, why would I watch them at all times?

Maybe it''s the layout of my park whch makes it less safe...ours is very large and bordered by trees and bushes wch you can go behind....then there are gaps in the fences which led out on to large streets and houses...lots ofsecret ways in and out.

I reckon our park is partiularly dodgy tbh. It's full of wooded areas and as I said,lot's of areas where people could potentially make a very fast exit and be on another street in seconds. We live only a mile from the city centre so there are some dodgy types.

Yes, of course there is still that risk of coming in contact with a child molester/paedophile, but there is always a risk with everything in life be it taking kids to the park (risk of falling), minor/major surgery (risk of dying/infection), crossing the road and other things (risk of being run over).

There was an article I read about this cotton wool society and how a hell of a lot of parents are not even allowing their kids to play out their front without being out there to keep an eye on who is talking to their kids. We view these people (especially males) with suspicion when they may be perfectly innocent folk just having a natter with some kids.

It make me sad that innocent folk can't even talk to children without being viewed with suspicion .

I agree with you. However I also think it is reassuring that a stranger took the time to be concerned about your DS. I think you are doing the right thing in fostering independence, even if you get some funny looks. i think it's just the way things are - adults don't expect to see young children by themselves any more. When my DD was 6, and on her way to her friends' house over the road, a complete stranger on his way to work grabbed her by the hand and brought her straight back! She's quite independent now, but I'm staggered that many 9 year olds can't go to the shop or cross a road on their own.

tbh, ds3 is 6 and he has to play where I can see him.