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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in letting my child play in the park

86 replies

Orangeflower7 · 02/04/2011 15:52

It is a big children's park, you can't see from one end to the other. It is a children's park, fenced, and has play ranger types employed by the council in holidays. Also a bouncy castle and roundabout with a small charge. People come from quite a way to use it.

My ds is 6. I also have a toddler, so when we go i tell the older one if ge loses wight of me to meet him back at the meeting point (near the water fountain). He was ok with that.

So, one day I slowly walked up with the toddler to the zipwire thing, where older ds was waiting with a 'concerned dad' "He wasn't sure where his mum is!" says the dad, all concerned...

Is this normal? Isn't it okay for him to be playing or should i be watching him the whole time? That would be impossible with my toddler too.

In honesty, looking for some advice. Am from a small Scottish island where we just used to run wild as kids, now live in the south of England.

An unsure about whether to go back again, which is a shame as it is a great park.

OP posts:

microfight · 02/04/2011 18:58

I think it's fine to let them run off and play. Especially within a perimeter of a play ground! I used to go to the park on my own at 6, sister was 8 and play all day with no parental supervision. And we lived in a M25 town (not small village).

DooinMeCleanin · 02/04/2011 19:00

Erm my 7 yo is at the park right now. DH is in bed and I am clearly not at the park

I can see her if I stick my head out of the door though. The last time I checked she was harassing some poor boy with a bike.

The park is fairly small and loads of kids aged about 5 upwards play there unsupervised. No-one bothers them, it's normal for our area.

rainbowinthesky · 02/04/2011 19:00

If he was submissive enough to wait with a stranger then he's not ready to be on his own.

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2011 19:02

It is the thing to let children play in the park and most children run fast and its fine to be out of sight for 10 minutes or so whilst you catch up. I would have sent my dc on to que at the zip wire and wuld have caught up with my baby as I had 6 years gap between my two so dd1 was much better at getting on with things whilst mum and sis dragged behind. Life would have been almost impossible for her had she had to go at baby speed

ShipsThatPass · 02/04/2011 19:02

Outside of your home, in a local play area, with plenty of other children who know her is okay as they will all look out for each other BUT OP's child was alone. With friends certainly reduces risks.

nikki1978 · 02/04/2011 19:03

I take my two kids to a farm where there is a massive playground that you can't see all of as some of it is up a hill. One of my kids is 6 and the other is 4. I am perfectly happy for the 6 year old to go out of sight as she knows where I am and she needs to check back in every 15 mins or so. I think 6 is old enough to be let out of sight. But then I am quite relaxed and don't think there is a child abductor on every corner. I don't think YABU but it depends on the parent tbh.

ivykaty44 · 02/04/2011 19:04

rainbow - most dc do respond well to being told what to do by adults even strangers, this isn't a parameter for not letting children out of sight otherwise reprograming chidlren not to take notice of what adults say wouldn't go down well in other places.

ShipsThatPass · 02/04/2011 19:05

I don't think there is an abductor on every corner either. But the risks remain.

BertieBotts · 02/04/2011 19:06

Oh, if he was at the zip wire anyway then he wasn't waiting with the man at all, was he? So it's pretty much up to your judgement whether he's mature enough.

littleducks · 02/04/2011 19:10

I think what you did was fine and normal, mine are much younger but I would let them play in a fenced area going in and out of sight no issues. I do tend to keep a sharp eye on exits just in case.

Ismene · 02/04/2011 19:18

I think you need to trust your personal judgement of your child and of the area you are in.

I absolutely do not trail my nearly 5 year old around the park, because she is a social little thing and will make friends with whichever kids happen to be in the park. However, I do sit by the exit gate and keep an eye out. I can't necessarily see her all the time though. I have also been known to let her ride her bike around the path, where she might go out of sight for a minute because she doesn't need me running after her on her bike!

I cannot account for all possible risks, and I don't even want to. I want her to start having a taste of freedom so that she can start to learn how to manage that. I can't be suddenly sending out an 8/9/10 year old alone and expecting her to be streetwise, in fact I think that is quite dumb.

In your position and if I thought my child was capable I would do the same as you. I don't think that is the general consensus though, given the reactions I get from other parents sometimes. DD tumbled in the park the other day and grazed her knee slightly, she simply looked abit dazed and rubbed it. No crying or blood. The mum of the child we had gone to the park with through I hadn't seen and 'helpfully' told me that DD had fallen over and I had better go and give her a cuddle. You should have seen her face when I said 'no honestly, she's fine'. DD meanwhile was swinging off the monkey bars.

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:21

I think 6 is too young where there are lots of other adults about. Too easy to lie to a 6 year old and say "No...your Mum told me totake you to this other place...come with me"

Call me too careful but I think 8 is better.

trixie123 · 02/04/2011 19:22

not sure why a six year old needs to be "assertive" to also be sensible enough to be on his own for a bit. If the man asked him, where is your mum? and he said "don't know" then the follow up should have been "are you ok, do you need help to find her?" to which your DS could have said "no I'm fine" and end of story, not "well stay here with me until she finds you." In the set up describes I don't think the OP did anything wrong but she will come up against this a lot in the SE compared to the Scottish island.

Blu · 02/04/2011 19:22

I think it sounds fine.
As long as he knows that under no circumstances must he leave the children's park, and if someone persuades him that he should he shuold shout at the top of his voice "My mummy said NO".

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:24

Rainbow is right....if you told a ten year old to wait with you...he'd probably be confident enough to say no...I need to be at the water fountain...a 6 year old who KNOWS where his Mum said to meet but who still stays with the stranger....is not ready to be alone.

Ragwort · 02/04/2011 19:24

Ismene you sound just like me - I would never run up to my DS when he fell over and grazed himself, other mothers used to think I was very uncaring, in my opinion its best to let them just get up and get on with it (different if it is a serious injury of course - but you can tell the difference !) - I would be the same as orangeflower in taking my DS to the park, happy to let him wander around and check in every so often - otherwise how do you have time to read the paper in peace . He's now grown into a very independent and confident 10 year old so I am quite happy that I made the right choices when he was younger. .

EllenJane1 · 02/04/2011 19:25

OP, my 3 year old was obviously too young at Legoland. What I said was keep them in sight until you are sure they will understand and follow your 'stranger danger' rules. Your 6 year old might be old enough and mature enough. It's up to you.

DooinMeCleanin · 02/04/2011 19:25

Ismene I was walking both dds home from school last week. Dd1 was a few feet in fromt of me and dd2 was 'squirel hunting' in the bushes a few feet behind when she tripped. A lady walking past asked me if I knew whose child she was. When I told her yes, she is mine and she is fine, it was a little trip I was rudely told "You can't let them be that far behind you these days. You just never know who is watching do you? You need to be more careful with your children. Anything could have happened to her" Anything? Really? While she two foot behind me on a busy school run route through a children's park in broad daylight?

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 19:26

im a bit confused. if your son was just queuing at the zipwire then did this man approach him and ask him if he was lost? how did this man know your ds was unsure where mum was and why was he standing with your ds if ds was queuing with other kids?

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:27

trixie if I came across a lost looking 6 year old who didn't know where his Mum was I wouldn't say "Do you need help" I would assume he did...6 is small.

Blu it's all very well telling them to never leave the park....but in the actual event it is very different.My sister was nearly abducted by a man who showed at her and told her off....her 6 year old self did not even consider not doing as she was told.

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:29

I should have said the man SHOUTED at my sister and told her off...not showed at her!

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 19:31

i also think that at 6, even if you were ok, an adult asking if you were may alarm you so that you think "something must not be ok if they are asking" so you may respond "i don't know" prompting the adult to want to find your parent/carer.

BooyHoo · 02/04/2011 19:32

iont think my last post was very clear but i cant think of a better way to phrase it.

Skinit · 02/04/2011 19:34

Well we can't speculate as to why the man approached the boy...the OP hsn't specified.

DreamsInBinary · 02/04/2011 19:36

I think it sounds fine, Orangeflower. You know your six year old, and if you are confident he won't bolt out the nearest exit then letting him out of your sight is not a big deal.

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