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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be angry about teenage Mum

104 replies

ftm42 · 01/04/2011 08:24

Another rant on the teenage pregnancy issue: [and I'm waiting for the flack] - our house is next door to a hostel for homeless singles / families and teenage mums. One of the teenager's own mother lives just round the corner. Why isn't she living with her mum instead of taking up a place that would be better for a 'genuine' case.

Her Mum visits daily and they walk up to her Mum's house to spend the day or go shopping, so she obviously has a good relationship with her. Her Mum's house is a big one [she's got several kids] so there's no reason why she should be using a room next door that someone else must need so much more? I know her Mum to chat to and she is very proud [sic] of her daughter and grandchild, but why can't she support her daughter responsibly instead of abusing the system?

OP posts:
RunAwayWife · 01/04/2011 21:09

See what happens on April 1st

silverlining34 · 02/04/2011 10:21

What would you do? supports daughter through pregnancy birth and gives home to daughter and baby. Daughter gets pregnant a second time? Despite firm advice on birth control to both her and boyfriend before and after both pregnancy. Daughter 18 now still going out / engaged with the father (30).

differentnameforthis · 02/04/2011 11:17

Doesn't hurt for the mum to have her own space. She needs to learn to raise her baby under her own steam.

How do you know she isn't as worthy as all the rest?

Why is it up to you where she lives?

Yukana · 02/04/2011 12:32

I honestly don't think it's any of your business. Besides, 'abusing the system'? I seem to be getting the drift that you perhaps think that teenage mothers should all live with their parents. What if she wants independence?

And besides, I think that I agree with some people saying that her mother may not be that nice as what if she has kicked her daughter out? You and I both don't know the circumstances.

cjel · 02/04/2011 14:26

I love my daughter to the end of the earth but when she was a teenage mum we were in danger of killing each other because of what i saw as her laziness and mess in 'my' house and she because of my totally 'unreasonable ' demands ie that she emptied the baby bath from the bath so I could shower at teatime after work, or that she cleared up their lunch and breakfast dishes so I could start on tea. I was at the end of my tether and so was she. We were lucky we were able to help her find somewhere to rent privately. Maybe this girl is not so fortunate, I can tell you I still saw them every day and was able to help her with shopping washing etc as long as the mess wasn't all in my place!!! Just because she doesn't live with her do you think her mum shouldn't be allowed to help and support her? 10 years on my daughter is a married mum of 2 in her own house she is buying and is working part time as a marketing manager, none of which she would have beenable to do with out support. the amount of benefits she received was tiny compared to the amont of tax they and we pay. everyone deserves a helping hand.

charmum3 · 02/04/2011 14:34

oh dear, you have taken some stick today, some thimgs aren't what they seem, i agree with you, the system does get abused, but you really can't judge without the facts, have a coffee, and roll with the punches Grin

rachie2011 · 01/05/2011 22:23

I hope she does get moved out of a hostel My goodness horrid place to be if her mums got kids still living with her maybe she cannot have her older daughter and her baby with her to. And so what if she can her daughter has had a baby and needs to learn to be a mum she cant do that with her mum to do her shopping pay her bills etc so good on her for trying i hope they do move her though not nice :(

PumpkinBones · 01/05/2011 22:37

I don't live in a Hampshire village, I live in a 2bed HA flat (tiny) and I wouldn't be judgy either. And I want to know where in the country the person who supposedly got a 4 bed house with 2 DC's of different genders live because there is no lie she could tell that would acheive this, unless she actually invented some additional fictional children.

fit2drop · 01/05/2011 22:46

ftm42 Fri 01-Apr-11 08:50:46
Abcinthia - you're right, I don't know everything about it, but it seems to me if her relationship with her Mum is so good, why is she using a space that someone else who's more in need should have?

and this is your business because???

you already say you don't know everything so maybe as soon as you acknowledged that in your head you should have jogged on and found something else to worry about .

Is her relationship with her mum good, just because she goes there every day doesn't mean it is, maybe mum allows it for the sake of the grand-kid shrugs but whatever reason its nothing to do with you now is it?

and who made you the housing needs police, to decide who is using a space someone else is more in need off....

Actually if this was worrying you at 8:30 in the morning I sincerely hope your day got more interesting.. Grin

suburbophobe · 01/05/2011 23:00

Where I come from mum would've had the "talk" and put her on the pill + condoms...

Weird thing to have a child before you can even take care of yourself Hmm

thefirstMrsDeVere · 01/05/2011 23:01

Her relationship may be 'so good' with her mum precisily because they are not living together.

That teenage mum might have been a bloody nightmare to live with for years which ended up with her living in a hostel.
Now there is a bit of distance between them, her mum and her may be building bridges.

How horrible. Far better that the teenage mum be isolated and estranged from her family. Hmm

olibeansmummy · 01/05/2011 23:04

There could be tons of reasons you know nothing about!

rachie2011 · 01/05/2011 23:05

There is no need to be horrible!

PregolaLola · 01/05/2011 23:05

suburbophobe i think you'll find she is taking more care of herself by living in the hostel than she would be living with her mother, love the way you assume shes not caring for herself quite alright

rachie2011 · 01/05/2011 23:06

who are you talkin about?

PregolaLola · 01/05/2011 23:09

me ?

GKlimt · 01/05/2011 23:10

Rachie2011 why oh why did you bump this unpleasant old thread from 1st April???

Looks like you are shit stirring IMO.

rachie2011 · 01/05/2011 23:12

i have n idea what u are on about ive only come on today and what do u mean bump

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/05/2011 23:14

Who's to say that the reason the girl isn't living with her mum is anything to do with their relationship. There are other children living at the mother's house, yes? Why don't we pretend that one of the other children is violent, or has a particularly poor relationship with his/her pregnant sister? That way we can make up a whole new dimension for this family's lives and really get our teeth into them.

fit2drop · 01/05/2011 23:15

Maybe mum wants the DD at home and DD is saying

nope mum , this is my problem and I will deal with it my way.

It could be any number of scenarios
none of which are any business of the OP.

Like I said I hope her day got more interesting

rachie2011 · 01/05/2011 23:27

siobahnagain im new here and went through the search option i was under the impression i could comment on any topic didnt even look at the date do not really see why it matters i can surely write on anything thats open and sorry to say people cant stir things up that other people asked about really can they if u didnt like the convo surely you just dont add a comment :)

yummymummy789 · 25/01/2016 14:37

it has nothing to do with you what goes on in other peoples lives. i think that you should keep your nose out and get on with your own life. if she is young and pregant and willing to keep the baby but had a good support network then you should be happy for her.

gamerchick · 25/01/2016 14:39

Is there a reason you're bumping up old threads mummy ?

ghostyslovesheep · 25/01/2016 14:41

is this her? Hmm

...to be angry about teenage Mum
LagunaBubbles · 25/01/2016 14:45

Ahhh caught again (its bumped now anyway as I do realise Im posting on it!)