Let me tell you a little story...
When Jasmine was 6 her Mum, Karen, found herself in a violent relationship. Karens boyfriend used to beat her when he came home from the pub, but not every single time, only about once a month. He wasn't a classic stereotypical violent bastard, he didn't leave marks that would be visable when Karen was dressed, he was still beating her though. Karen kept silent during these beatings, hoping that little Jasmine slept through them. It went on for about 4 years until one day, aged 10, Jasmine said something and Karen realised she knew.
Karen was devastated, she reported the boyfriend to the police and although there were a few dramas about it at the time, the door got kicked in, the car was keyed, Karen successfully managed to get him out of her home and her life. Jasmine however had been secretly terrified of her stepdad. Too terrified to say anything to her mum, in case her mum got into an arguement with him about it and he hit Mummy again. Like most abused kids Jasmine thought she could somehow unspokenly project her thoughts and fear to her mum and was angry that her mum never realised she knew or that she was scared.
Jasmine never spoke about her resentment to Karen, who carried on trying to raise Jasmine like a normal little girl. Jasmine rebelled from about age 12. By 14 she was smoking pot, regularly shoplifting and hanging around all day with wasters when she should have been at school. Karen is a pretty good mother, she did try to bring Jasmine back in line, but without having the first idea what Jasmines problem was she was at a total loss. By the week of her 16th birthday Jasmine was 3 months pregnant.
The pregnancy was the last straw for Karen. She realised that Jasmine was not going to sort herself out unless it came down to tough love. Karen agonised about what to do, but knowing Jasmine she knew that she had to be tough to be loving and threw her out. it was the wake up call Jasmine needed. She could no longer avoid her confusion and awful feelings about herself by scapegoating her mother instead. She was a mother now. It was the shock she needed. She broke down in floods of tears so much so that she slid down the wall when Karen told her to leave. She blurted out everything about how the violent relationship had made her feel and how she hated her mother for not being a "proper mum" to her. Karen cried almost as much, but in relief as much as anything. At least now, she knew why Jasmine was a bad girl. Suddenly it all made sense.
Karen and Jasmine are working on thier relationship now from separate addresses. Jasmines baby is due in May, a little boy, she thinks she might call him Jack, or Callum. Karen visits Jasmine most days, Jasmine is living just a few streets away in temporary accomodation. They talk, they shop together for little Jack/Callums arival. Jasmine hopes she will be housed soon and can get to work making a home for her boy.
The responsibility of a new baby has come as a shock to Jasmine, and she will need a lot of support to learn to be a responsible mother but she needs that credit, to be herself. She needs not to rely on her mum, like she did when she was 6. She realises she needs her mother, but can no longer lash out at her like the ex-stepdad did. Jasmine has considered counselling but for now what she needs is to learn the self-reliance she never had. To return home with Karen would be the wrong thing now. She needs a fresh start. With her mothers support, but not with her mother as an in-home whipping boy.
Behind every statistic is a person.