...to be angry about teenage Mum

[ftm42]

Another rant on the teenage pregnancy issue: [and I'm waiting for the flack] - our house is next door to a hostel for homeless singles / families and teenage mums. One of the teenager's own mother lives just round the corner. Why isn't she living with her mum instead of taking up a place that would be better for a 'genuine' case.

Her Mum visits daily and they walk up to her Mum's house to spend the day or go shopping, so she obviously has a good relationship with her. Her Mum's house is a big one [she's got several kids] so there's no reason why she should be using a room next door that someone else must need so much more? I know her Mum to chat to and she is very proud [sic] of her daughter and grandchild, but why can't she support her daughter responsibly instead of abusing the system?

Zukie that is a vile thing to say .

I heart 'underachieving' and her comments .

It takes a very brave young Mum to live away from her own Mum and stay in a hostel and care for her baby 'alone'......and I tell you what if she is doing it so she gets a home/more benefit .....Good Luck to her!!! .

theres a lot of snobs on mumsnet lately.

My eldest ds will tell you quite honestly he would fear coming home if he had to tell me he and his Gf were expecting a baby - not because I dont love him not because I dont love babies but because he knows Id be disappointed.

And as much as I love my dc and any children they might have there is no room here for them- thats not because Im a heartless bitch there simply is no room.

Think what you like zukiecat.

Oddly, no, I wouldn;t expect any one of my male dogs to have an abortion or leave. What a clever, reasonable and intelligent comparison.

Well i'd make room in my house, no way will any child of mine make shit choices because they have no where to live with or without their babies.
Girls without parental support do things like accept crappy boyfriends because they think that's all they are worth.

I work in a similar project but not teenage mums and babies but homeless and substance abuse issues. However I know a lot about these projects, the main reason she would have been let in their would be the safety of her child if she had adequate accommodation already.

It's about breaking cycles, this wouldn't happen if she was left at her mums place where generally it's the grandparent who parents. She will be being taught intensively how to care for her child and live independently

I dont have a daughter so Im unlikely to have to be in that situation.

I thought Val made her point clear and I see her reasoning thats not to say if her daughter did fall pregnant she would behave like that-just that she has made her daughters aware of how she feels at this moment.

ftm42

YANBU.

I'm afraid its indicative of the society in which we live in.

Why is it anything to do with you ? You need a job or if you have one get another.

nickschick, thank you, but it's not what I think and feel at the moment. It's what I think and feel permanently.

zukiecat, your apology was unnecessary as I'm unlikely to get riled by the fact that you don't like what I say or feel but anyway, you spoilt it somewhat by adding your second post.

I don't see what's condescending about saying that I wouldn't support my teenaged daughters if either became pregnant.

Or did you mean controversial, zukie? :o

(Now that's condescending!).

Sorry, but you can disagree all you like, say what you please but I'm not rising to the bait.

I am sick of such bloody Tory judgey pants threads. OP, don't be a knob.

OP you sound like a complete and utter twit

OK zukie so you can chuck silly accusations at me but I can't tell you that they are silly, that's how it workd on here, is it? Fair enough.

We are each entitled to feel as we please and both of us are "always right" about that. My feelings about my life don't impact upon yours and vice-versa so I don't see the need for excessive irritation about someone else's decisions.

"I'd move heaven and earth to help my daughters if they became pregnant."

Sorry zukie, not "picking on you" but using your quote to illustrate a point made by many on here.

Thinking some more about this issue, I fall in with TSC. IMHO discouraging my daughters from going ahead with a pregnancy at their ages (14 and 15) would be "moving heaven and earth to help my daughter". I see no benefit and only heartache and struggle in them dealing with pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood at a time when they should be looking ahead to their studies and preparing themselves for adult life, enjoying it along the way.

There's a world of difference between condoning teenage or single parenting, which I wouldn't and explaining options if the worse happened and supporting your child having discussed everything hit the fucking roof gone through all the emotions and she's still determined to go ahead with it.
I know a lovely Dr and his wife who basically raised their daughters child as their own so that one mistake didn't have to be the end of the daughters freedom and opportunity, now that's dedication.

We have established that we're very different zukie, yes, and I did understand that you would support your teenaged DDs if they were pregnant without necessarily celebrating the fact or support a decision to abort if that was their choice.

I however would not have a baby in my house at my age and after what I've been through over the past 16 years, would not take on the childcare for my own daughters' children and would discourage them from going through a pregnancy at their ages.

Each to their own and all that.