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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think WTF is going on?

580 replies

ScaredWorriedAndAngry · 31/03/2011 22:35

We recently realised we may had been burgled my DH noticed weird notches and marks on our front door...so he called the police they came and confirmed that someone had definately been into our house and we suddenly realised why small but valuable items had started going missing over a period of about 5months ..3 phones a hand-bag, my husbands watch I brought him for our anniversary last year and probably other things we have not realised...things you might think you have misplaced or lost..anyway the police officer asked to look upstairs so my husband said ok...when she cam back down the stairs she said 'how many children did you say you had?' my DH answered 2 ..she then said well why is there just 1 bed/mattress upstairs?' my DH explained that we will be buying a futon for them and that we are just in the middle of things.

now for some back-ground...my DDs bless their cotton socks are home-wreckers...they had a lovely IKEA bed but they jumped all over it and smashed the slats beyond repair..they have also dug holes in the walls and pulled off their own room door when they made a 'swing' on the handle amongst other things..unfortunately my DH is not a DIY person a nor am I...we chucked out the bed bits and just had the made up mattress on the floor (which they think is bluddy marvellous and like a 'sleep-over'),we have a new bed that we brought originally when we brought the first bed..but decided not to put it up because they might end up breaking it again, we decided to buy a double futon so they can jump as much as they want till we have set up DD2's room...

We have lived in the house for quite a while but we are really struggling with decorating and many things have gone wrong with the property,mould, bolier broken, man half fitted the kitchen and ran off with the money..plus other personal stuff.. so yes it looks a bit of a state decoration wise and at the moment we just don't have the time money or energy to sort everything out and it's also very cluttered not dirty..just messy...and we also have alot of wine bottles in bags in the kitchen because I'm too lazy to walk round to the bottle bank often enough (more fool me)...so it looks a bit much when I look at it from someone elses perspective..maybe they think we are drunks or something?

Well after they left and I came home my DH mentioned what happened and said he thought she might say something..I said no way because our house is a bit messy and you explained about the matress etc etc...

2 weeks later the police return and we thought it was the discuss the break in..no..it turns out there we some concerns with our children and their living arrangements??, 2 officers from the youth crime reduction team are here?? they ask to come in the house is a bit wild because I'm doing washing..they said they have spoken to the school about us and our children and about the time off they have had etc...and last year my DDs caught quite a few colds ansd stomach bugs and the school policy is you must keep them off for at least 48 hrs so yes their attendance looks dodgy but not more so than other children..they asked us if there was food in the house??...we both work and have decent jobs but bills a mortgage and debts and I don't want to get into anymore debt..

so now a day later they are coming back again with another person...and I'm sure I saw them drive pass the house earlier...we asked for help from the police and now we feel like suspects for something we haven't done...am i overrating/paranoid?..is this normal practice?...am i in some kind of denial?..are we on a list?

I have been trying to hold this all in but I'm tearful/angry and worried and too ashamed to talk to anyone about whats happening...

sorry this is so long..

OP posts:
everthebeliver · 04/04/2011 00:37

OP: I posted before I saw the race card. I think you need to stop playing the "oh im of different culture thats why they have picked on me" and that is in the nicest possible way. Move on and learn from this. Otherwise this will turn into a very different thread :)

Quattrocento · 04/04/2011 00:40

This OP is a prime example of people normalising abnormal behaviour

DCs don't wreck homes. Digging holes in the wall is not normal. If they do dig holes in the walls, why aren't you there with polyfiller and paint? Children sleeping on a mattress is not normal. Protracted absence from school is not normal. House a bit of a state is not normal.

I think you need to develop routines that are manageable for you. Plenty of families can hold down 2 jobs with children without social services involvement. You do need to get all this under control and you need to do it now. Don't fluster and get hurt and bothered. Treat it positively as a wake-up call.

Good luck

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:41

I didn't actually say that..i said it could be a reason amongst others...but oh dear! I talk about my race and all of a sudden thats all it's about?...is this what I said?..I don't give a fuck what this thread turns into..I should be able to express myself without being controlled by others...this is a site for parents...not all of them will be the same or have the same backgrounds or opinions..get over it!..

Silver1 · 04/04/2011 00:42

Am I the only one who read the OP and now all that has followed and thought "wind up" Hmm

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:44

There was no SS involvement...

BabyYoureAFirework · 04/04/2011 00:45

I welcome differences of opinion, Relieved. That's why I post here. But you are trying to take the onus off the original subject and make this about something else entirely. I don't think you're telling the truth.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:46

Silver sorry but I wish it was...actually it's a person who expressed an opinion trying to be forced into not saying anything because apparently it's to do with a card and a race...and that just does not happen in RL

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:47

Well sorry but I am..what now Baby..you don't believe me what can I do?..

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 04/04/2011 00:50

Quattro: To me it seems the opposite - a lot of mundanes shitting their pants about someone having different priorities ie that a messy house isn't a big deal. It isn't a big deal when the DC are well fed (which the OP says they are), have clean clothes and are loved. And they have not had 'protracted absences from school' - the OP says that they have had a few colds and stomach bugs and the school operates a 48-hour policy on vomiting bugs.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:50

I'm not trying to change anything..

BabyYoureAFirework · 04/04/2011 00:51

Nothing mate. Have a glass of wine, chill out. It seems to be what you like Hmm

everthebeliver · 04/04/2011 00:52

Relieved: do not play the racist card, it does not work here and certainly in RL. We are a multi cultral society and that is it. Again take care and hope you sort it out x

BabyYoureAFirework · 04/04/2011 00:52

And I'm not judging you on that, by the way. The original subject, I mean - christ knows my house can be a shithole sometimes. It's the rest of it. Something doesn't ring true for me at all. So I'll leave it alone.

Silver1 · 04/04/2011 00:53

Then I am glad it is over for you, and I hope you can process the shock take the help you need (if any) and put it behind you.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 00:58

No be honest ..tell me what does not ring true?...what does not feel good to you and your waters?...

chill out with a glass of wine?..thats funny..haha ...talk your talk..say what you want

I have put it behind me..but obviously what I said was not enough..tell me what you all want...

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 01:00

because obviously what I said and what I felt was not what you all wanted what I experienced well that was all wrong..it was not what you all expected...

everthebeliver · 04/04/2011 01:00

Baby: maybe a good idea. OP I am the sort of person that will trust 100% until shown different. I am a SP with two DC. I have worked full time all my life since i was 16. I came from a disfunciontal family but will not live that way. I live in a clean flat that I am proud of. So all I can say is again move on, learn a lesson but please do not play the racist card :) it's making this country crap to be honest.

FabbyChic · 04/04/2011 01:02

YOu can repair holes in walls as has been said there is no need for them. Your children are old enough not to make holes in walls. A good environment for your children would be a clean and tidy house. Give up the drink and do something about your home.

Make it presentable to those who visit, and a nice place for your children to live. If you lay off the booze you could afford to paint your home. Emulsion is not expensive. Bleach is even cheaper.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 01:04

racist card?..the moment you said that word shows me you did not know what I meant..but why would you...my house is clean..but cluttered..I speak about my race and suddenly its a card?...get over yourselfs...you obviously have no idea what racist means...

BabyYoureAFirework · 04/04/2011 01:06

For a start, your posting style is completely different than it was at the beginning of the thread. You've turned this into some sort of tale of victimisation, when to begin with, you were asking for advice.

I wasn't one of the people that judged any of it - I only posted tonight, when you implied that you were being victimised because you are of a 'different' culture. And I don't care for your tone much. You've changed from a worried mum into someone who doesn't seem to actually give a fuck, and it's all a bit weird. Do you see?

Really am leaving it now. Good luck.

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 01:07

I have brought the paint love..it's about the time...but you lot are so busy judging me you don't even listen...does it make you feel better?

everthebeliver · 04/04/2011 01:09

OP: i am now going to stop worrying about you to be honest, play whatever cards you want. When I say worrying I have logged into Mumsnet more in the last couple of days than i have ever done. Black or white you are still a mum that has issues simple as that. Mumsnet posters have tried to help you with advice including myself. Good luck xx

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 01:10

I well like from the moment I mentioned my culture it was an issue..why was that?...I don't give a shit if you care for my tone ..sorry..I'm still a worried mum..but the fact I opened up an was honest about my feelings and concerns...well it became a race and a card..do you see?

RelievedThoughtfulandGrateful · 04/04/2011 01:13

I'm sorry you feel that way ever..I expressed myself and obviously it was not what was appropriate in MN..I appreciate your concern..thankyou xx

everthebeliver · 04/04/2011 01:16

Relieved: I truly would say PLEASE DO NOT PLAY THE RACE CARD. Your post was not originally what this was about, so to turn it around is not going to go in your favour. I can say "I am white I cannot do etc etc" SS are giving me crap about the way I live. Does not matter what colour you are.... Now I am bored of my own posting :)