in wondering , when using discipline

[creaseistheword]

How you get a child to go to their room if they refuse and you cant physically move them?

Find another punishment that you can carry out without getting into a battle. Take something away, stop him doing an activity he enjoys etc.

i struggle to lift my 5 year old when he is in a strop!

technically i can lift his weight.
but walking upstairs with him while is is kicking and screaming and grabbing at the bannisters???? no

saying that, my perception is warped because if Ds1 has gone into shutdown I do have to lift him. Of course with an NT child you SHOULDN'T have to.... you've done the right thing by the sound of it.

You can't do it.

SO you need to stop threatening it immediately and think of a different consequence.

If a seven year old hit me, they would be getting a sharp slap on the backside and would be put in their room. If you cant control a 7yr old, then you will have no chance one he is in his teens.

A 7yr old should have the control and respect not to hit a parent, this is not a toddler.

A 7yr old should have the control and respect not to hit a parent, this is not a toddler.

can you see the irony on that statement? no offence like.

No, I dont see the irony, because I have always beleived that the parent should be in charge, and if that means occasionally administering a smack for very bad behaviour, then so be it.

I was smacked, and I would still never have dared to strike my parents at that age, and if I had, I would have fully expected a sore backside or legs.

I was not beaten, I was appropriately punished on the occasions when I had been warned, and knew I was being naughty despite warnings. I didnt grow up damaged, I grew up with respect for my parents.

Am really quite boggled about some of the advice here!
It seems like a one-off incident to me, that doesn't require professional help fgs!

He shouldn't have hit you and you need to make sure that he is 100% clear that it will not be tolerated. If it were me, I wouldn't have attempted to move him. I would have picked another punishment that is more likely to hit home - agree with confiscating DS, or DS games. And when he has calmed down, having a serious chat about respect and what is acceptable behaviour, clearly pointing out the consequences of any future similar behaviour.

but you expect a 7 year old not to smack but feel it ok for an adult to?

i think squeakytoy is confusing respect with fear

if you have to hit your children, if you have to scare them, into behaving as you tell them... well then I think you've gone seriously wrong

i want my children to behave and not hit people because they know it's wrong to do it. not because they're scared of being hit back

the lesson you are teaching is that it's ok to hit, as long as you're bigger and stronger than the other person

Yes, I do MamazOn. Because a parent is the one who is supposed to discipline a child.

you can discipline without harming your child though

maybe you were scared at what they might do???

i was scared of my dad. he used to smack me. i am sure i had always been very naughty when he did so, but it didn't stop me. just made me very good at lying and incredibly scared of getting found out

I am not confusing anything.

Yes, I feared being hit as a child. Because I didnt like it. Simple as that. I didnt get a smack just for being in the room, or because my parents felt like it. I got smacked on very rare occasions when my behaviour had been bad enough to warrant it. I knew the consequences and I still disobeyed my parents so I was smacked. Not often. Probably less than half a dozen times in my whole childhood, but hitting my mother, and refusing to go to my room would most certainly have been a punishable offence, and rightly so.

I dont feel my parents went wrong at all. I grew up with respect for adults, including my teachers. I have never been in a fight, and I have never hit anyone in my life. All of my peers were smacked at some point, it was part of life, and I dont know of a single one of my friends who felt they were unfairly treated as we have grown up. Oh yes, at the time we were very indignant about it, but as you mature, you realise that your parents do know best when you are a child, and that they had your best interests at heart at the time, as well as expecting a certain level of respect and obedience from their child.

The worst punishment to me as a child was being kept in my room while all my friends were out playing. Back then there were no tv's or x-boxes, a bedroom was for sleeping in really, and books were about the only entertainment to be had.

Hi, often lurk and dont add anything but I think some of these responses are not helpful. I think there should be a secondary punishment if he refuses to accept the first punishment that is a bigger one. No chance to buy back his first punishment. In this case maybe I would say "I'm going in the kitchen but Ill check to see if you've gone to your room in 5 mins. If you're not in there with the door closed I will be taking your DS so that you don't have it this weekend either. If you'd like to talk to me about time allowed on DS we'll do it tomorrow" (and try to reach a mutually agreeable compromise the next day) Also, then summarise: "so, either your room now, or no DS this weekend"
Then, if theres a further outburst, and he's still not gone to his room, give a warning about what will happen now (eg no DS at weekend and eary bed at weekend or some such)
I think if he's said sorry now, its too late in this instance...but the opportunity will come again soon!
I do not think you are at all stange for being unwilling/unable to manhandle him.

For the record I have been amazed many a time when Ive asked a child when they are calm, what punishment they think they deserve. They are just so honest and often some out with outrageously draconian punishments, so that when you ammend it to something more suitable, they are quite pleased (I know this sounds bizarre, but try it!)
Good luck

Thanks abenstille :)

I feel sad for children who have games that they cannot play in the week, it's outdated and I never understand it. When do children get their ME time doing what they want? Is it all school and homework and no play?

Then you get women coming on moaning about looking after children all day when they chose to have them, they want me time, well consider the children too. It shouldn't be all hard work and drugery.

I think abenstille has great advice in agreeing sanctions with your ds - I use this at school (I am a teacher). I ask them what they think a suitable punishment is and tell them if it is too much I will halve it, but if too little I will double it - they usually come up with something suitable and can't really argue with it as they choose the punishment!!

I definitely do not think smacking him would achieve anything. I have two brothers, we were all smacked, but only for serious stuff as was the 'done thing' in those days. My youngest brother used to hit my mum's legs back, he was only little and didn't see it was wrong for him but not them. What worked for us was definitely the removal of toys into black bags and up into the loft. We had to be 'good' for a whole week to gain one toy back, or do extra chores to get more back. I can still remember my parents picking up one toy at a time very calmly whilst I threw a tantrum - I soon stopped!!

I suggested 'proffesional help may be the path' and the OP agreed it continued that it might be an idea.

The reason I suggested it is because (and I'm sorry OP..don't want to make you feel bad) A Seven year old child hitting their parent and refusing point blank to go to his room...knowing his parent can not physically put him there is not normal behaviour.

In my opinion (and that's all it is) 7 is an age where children try to rebel and push the boundaries.

If the OP has a child that not only thinks it's ok to hit mum but also thinks it's ok to basically stick two fingers up at her attempts to send him to his room, at the tender age of 7yrs...some intervention may well be needed sooner rather than later.

That to me sounds more like the actions of a teenager...not an Infant school child.